Outsider Storytellers – Overstimulated Redux
Astrology in real life
This continues this piece: Outsider Storytellers
The Moon in Pisces is applying towards conjunction with Jupiter and Uranus, all three bodies square Jupiter and I remain overstimulated. My class starts tomorrow. We are working on some new things for the site, as always I try to be creative here and do a good job with clients. This whole business aspects my natal Moon (home). I am from Tucson which is obviously in the news right now.
I woke up very early this morning due a dream about one of my kids. I thought it was a horror… it upset me anyway, but my husband thought it was one of the funniest things I have ever told him.
“I woke up super early,” I said. “Bad dream. I know it was because of ________. Anyway, it was about, Vid. He came to me and told me he was in love. He was in love with someone online and he said it was his soul-mate and her name was Candy Cam or some such thing.”
He roared laughing. “P! That’s not a dream, it’s a screen play.”
“Yeah, it was awful. He had that lovesick dreamy look on his face. You know, bliss? And I didn’t know what to do. His first love was a sex cam girl and that woke me up for sure…”
I admit it is funny. It’s boisterous and Jupiter-like and my husband really thinks I am writing movies in my dreams but anyway in poking around getting ready for my class, I ran across some old writing…. storytelling this is.
I read it, the story is in dialogue, and I recalled the scene and laughed. After I laughed, I wondered if I should cry because while I used to publish this stuff, I realized I would never do that today. I just wouldn’t.
I used to feel comfortable exposing my thoughts and feelings, even if they were embarrassing or odd but I no longer do. When you live in a society that censors, Mark Twain, you may as well hang it up.
It is a great irony to me they are removing the word, “nigger” from “Huck Finn”, because last year I used the word, “nigger” on my blog and all hell broke loose.
I used the word because I was telling the story of when my fiance took me to meet his family and I was thrown out of the house. The specific words used were, ‘Get that nigger out of my house! I told you not to bring any niggers here, now get rid of her!”
I wrote that in a TRUE story and someone put me on a “racist bot” on twitter, inviting black people around the world to crush me. As far as I am concerned, if you’re react like that to a firsthand account of someone’s life, you don’t deserve access to mine.
My husband is so incredibly interesting. He doesn’t talk to anyone because he doesn’t want to be persecuted. I used to talk in spite of being persecuted but no longer do. Now we both don’t talk.
I have been blogging for 3 months shy of 10 years. I have become a better writer over time. Too bad the reader has not kept pace.
I do not mean to insult individuals when I say that. I’m just stating the facts.
35 Responses to “Outsider Storytellers – Overstimulated Redux”
Elsa said:
When you live in a society that censors, Mark Twain, you may as well hang it up.
amen…
Most people can’t stand to get a glimpse of their own poo after they’ve shat it out, how will they stand true life stories?
We like to pretend that life is rainbows and cotton candy and reject those that show us it’s full of “blood and guts”. Then, when life finally comes knocking, we run back to those blood and guts people for some comforting.
I bet this has happened to you a trillion times, Elsa?
what you say is so sane.
now, with your inspiration need to figure out what to do about it (for me in my life)
you are just amazing, bless you, bless you, Elsa.
Helen, yes you’re right. The bad thing is my stories are funny as hell AND deep AND meaningful but a person like me is not allowed to exist at this time. You can tell by all the passive aggressive attacks on the person on this blog, who writes it, whose name I won’t mention…
Er… 
Really, it’s just disgusting. I don’t know how to live around it other than, quietly.
stellarkonnect – I hope you find your answers. They’re out there at this time… the sky is ripe to have a revelation that frees you with this Jupiter Uranus conjunction.
Helen, Do you mean, that saying that goes, not all people that lift you up are your friends, and not all the ones that knock you down in the dirt are your enemies?
How does that fit in with this?
There will always be ignoramouses in the world, slow in evolving, ??? (if that’s what we’re doing here), who even take their own superficiality seriously, (they must have a sacrifice), or their life just doesn’t ‘compute’. Only peaceful way to resign (my/our)self(ves) to that (crap) is to accept they are another carbon life form, they are simply ‘in process’. Then hand it over. Better than a recipient of my flavour of ‘rage’.
am i off track here?
I used to be the same way, and I think it would probably be smart for me to keep my mouth shut, but I can’t seem to anymore. I used to speak up with people close to me, but not around strangers (much); mainly over the past two years, but since 2003/2004 when Uranus hit my Mars, Moon, Venus, Nodes, Uranus and ascendant, I simultaneously feel uncomfortable, and my need to speak my own mind/think for myself. It doesn’t seem to matter that I cause all kinds of anxiety for myself, in dealing with others, if I disagree with them (politically – I grew so annoyed with the party that I used to align myself with, that, ooh…!)
I’m Salali on the boards, and wondered if I should post in a thread just now. Saturn is starting to oppose my Mercury, and might reinforce my own Merc/Saturn square.
Angela, if you can still talk, I would. I can’t because my talking causes people to wet their pants and have cows and stuff.
Having Libra, I don’t enjoy this. I’m no Howard Stern, yanno? I am not a psychopath.
I know this is astrology, but people in most arts communities recognise the creative personality, honour it and give it recognition… this must be a cultural issue..? please tell me, did i miss something?
This is not the arts community – it is the internet.
But I also think the arts community will string you up just as fast as anyone else.
Understood, Elsa.
I don’t have the energy to deal with it either – I need to be focusing on other things, and it seems almost guaranteed that I’m going to not articulate something in just the right way that doesn’t offend. I’m not comfortable with being controversial, or attracting attention to myself, so it bothers me.
It’s amazing that we can be labeled racist/sexist/bigot/homophobe when we are QUOTING SOMEONE ELSE.
I’m also very careful about what I write in email or post to the web these days. It’s a very different world now.
Funny thing about the N word story was that it was actually meant to expose the ignorance of someone *else*. I cracked up when I first read it.
I’ve had this thought a couple times lately — I can’t believe *these* people are the grownups. I remember my parents and older people around me and for the most part they seemed reasonable. The sensibility of people like me — 40ish — a great percentage of them appear to be just nuts.
“But I also think the arts community will string you up just as fast as anyone else”
That’s certainly true of the UK, and it’s the main reason I left London. I was very closely involved. Almost everyone is very left wing and it’s assumed you feel the same way – and you are not allowed to pick and choose, you are assumed to go for the whole slate. That’s not the way I think; and the reactions were too often really vicious. Disagree with any of it and you are Hitler and Madam Mao rolled into one
eva, that is true AND there was so much more to that story. I have never finished it but I thought at one time it was one of the more important stories I could tell which is saying something.
It’s a powerful story full of nuance if you continue through and see what develops. When I started working on it, probably around 2004, I saw the potential like a writer does sometimes. I saw that via some gift, I could write this thing and convey something extraordinary and rich that would be absorbed. I knew I had it in my fingers is what I am saying. I could make create this beautifully poignant, heart-wrenching story that would change people in ways straight facts never could.
I am not fake, see? This is not fiction so you are tracking a real (flawed) person that you come to care about and her experiences begin to matter to you. In fact you absorb them and blah blah. The point is if no one calls me a “nigger”, then then is no event that triggers all these other events. We can’t have “Get that n-word out of my house!” I won’t degrade my life like that. I. WILL. NOT.
In whatever case, that gal wanted that word scrubbed. We have to not have that word anymore so my experience no longer exists.
It’s like saying my husband was never in Special Forces. Go ahead but don’t mind us if we view you as fruitcakes because we will view you as a fruitcake, how can we not?
It is so true..about not being able to say anything. I self censor at school all day, but it certainly tends to suck out the joy and creativity of my job when I have to think about the myriad of ways that anything I say can be construed…especially through the filter of a middle schooler.
I, for one, deeply miss your stories Elsa. They brought tears, and laughter, insight and truth. Glad I’ve been around long enough to remember some of them.
I also want to say, the story was not to expose the other guy as a racist. I can’t remember what parts of that story I put on here at that time but I can tell you that was not my agenda. That people are racist is a fact. It’s not interesting or anything.
My idea for that story – what I wanted to convey was Neptune related. It was a love story… I have Venus square Neptune and it was true so…
The story started with my double Aquarius pal singing, “Bock, bock, bock, I’m a chicken” to a guy in a bar she thought was cute. She stuck her thumbs in her armpits and flapped her wings as she sung – she was ON that night, it was hysterical.
So the story starts there and at one point and goes all kinds of places you could not dream in a million years – it is TRUE – but at one point someone called me a nigger and and I am not going to change that any more than I am going to say my friend pretended she was a horse in that bar. Why?
Because my shit is in the 9th house. The truth, ya know? If I can’t tell the truth, I’ll not tell anything… and if you’ve read here long enough, you know I have a STORY to explain why this is.
What’s going to happen is you’re not going to have anything good or challenging to read. Just state sponsored stuff, dumbed down to where dummies can understand it and feel good I guess.
“I have become a better writer over time. Too bad the reader has not kept pace.”
Yes.
People are just assholes. It gets worse every day.
Ha ha ha, Charlotte. It’s not improving, is it?
I started thread on this – Are you improving, stagnant, sinking.. what?
This statement Elsa made about an event in her life has come up often on this blog and I remember when first she was labeled a “racist” by someone and told me.
Elsa is SO not a racist it is a joke but it’s not funny when we put labels on people that are false because they can become viral and before you know it someone gets hurt in one way or the other because of false information.
Elsa and I are both not racist people and, indeed, have lives that prove that fact.
I wish to say once and for all that Elsa is not racist and never has been since she was a four year old child wanting justice for an African American person. Yes, she was that young when she was calling out for justice for another race other than hers.
I’m sorry you have had to endure such an awful label even once, Elsa!
Annalisa
Oh jeez you made me cry, Annalisa. I remember that, you know. ::shakes head:: These people have no idea about us.
Oh, I forgot to comment on that. i remember reading that post a couple of years ago (I think), and I didn’t think that you were a racist at all. It was obvious that you were the opposite.
10 years… cos you testified against the KKK? (((Elsa)))
Sorry Elsa, I’m new-ish to this site and I haven’t read up the old archives and stuff so I only know about your life circa August(??) 2010 when I started reading your blog.
That must have been really tough. How old were you? Were you scared? Did you move around a lot cos of it?
btw… sorry if i seem nosy, i was just shocked, you dont have to answer me if its like… tmi for a public site.
tetsu, I am sorry. I’m not going into it. If I ever go into it, it will be book length… this is not a superficial subject to me.
As a matter of fact, nothing is a superficial subject to me. If I am going to talk, it’s going with my brain on and right now, my brain runs this blog, teaches a class and does consultations.
I am morphing to where my personal life is not featured here, at least not publicly, though what is already published (and it is plenty) is already published and I have no plans to remove anything from the site.
no worries elsa i thought it would be too heavy to put up on a blog, especially in the comments section(!!!). i mean, my own extremely-less-shocking life story i wouldn’t want archived on the interwebz, much less something on this scale. Hugs to you.
“Well I lost 10 years of my life because I testified against the KKK, does that count?”
You’re asking the wrong person. I don’t think you’re racist.
But in light of the type of response you mentioned, re: twitter – I can see why you would be hesitant to talk.
Angela, there is nothing in it for me (anymore). People used to appreciate my stories. The liked them! Now they call me a liar, lecture me, bitch me out and just in general act like assholes as Charlotte said. I accept this and react to it because I am a vitally alive, dynamic person.
If you are going to throw shit on the entertainer, then don’t be surprised when they walk off the stage. This is broadly relevant statement. Treat your partner like shit and they leave you. Excuse me, but duh.
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what can i say?
you are the genius!!!!
You ALWAYS just hit the nail on the head.
wow,
thanks for sharing that!