Changing Your Life After A Degrading Sexual Experience
Astrology in real life
Here I go into your un-comfort zone (see tag), but this is a very common phenomena. I’m writing about it so people who have experienced this know they have company.
What happens is a woman is just going along, dating or whatever. Let’s say the woman is in her 30′s. By then if a woman has stayed single or mostly single all her life has plenty of experience with men. I am talking about women who go out and play and date around because I know there are some who do not. There are virgins in their 30′s, I know because I work with them all the time.
I whatever case, this other woman (and I know because I have been one of them) is going along with the status quo, staying somewhat oblivious and it seems almost inevitable that eventually she winds up in someone’s bed where she is clearly being used.
The scenarios are many. The range of what can happen is vast. She may meet outright violence but more commonly something occurs the makes her realize she is part of something that turns her stomach. A man might film her. A man might lie about his marital status. A man might flip her around like a piece of meat; handle her in a way that makes her know she’s an object. You get the idea.
An experience like this is extremely painful and humbling, never mind it can scare the bejesus out of you. People change their lives on a dime after something like this happens, I have seen it over and over and over. The no longer want to take the risks they have in the past and it leads to deep transformation (Pluto).
Anyone know what I’m talking about? Has this happened to you or someone you know?
24 Responses to “Changing Your Life After A Degrading Sexual Experience”
Yes. Pluto has had it’s way with me, over many years. And my Saturn in the 7th has made me very gun shy and fearful.
Yes, I can very much relate. I just looked up the date to see what the sky was doing that fateful day, and Pluto had just moved into my 12th house, directly opposing my Venus in Aries.
Nothing like that happened to me, which some might find surprising. I was clever, but I also realise I was to some extent lucky. I have very good ‘antennae’ however, and I *used* my psychological skills, turning down some attractive men because I didn’t trust them. I was always looking for intimacy and affection, not for ‘excitement’
I knew women who did go looking for excitement, often in the form of ‘rough trade’ (I knew several gay guys who were into that too). Some got into bad trouble and met with violence – one woman got seriously beaten up by a car full of men and after that she developed epilepsy, strokes and other problems, which led to her death – she set fire to herself accidently.
Nothing violent or shocking happened, but when Pluto hit the 9th house cusp AND exactly squared Venus, a long standing emotional flirtation blew up spectacularly. I’m still feeling the fallout from it (i. e. BAD reputation; titters, giggles, sideways glances, that kind of garbage).
After this happened, I realized that I could only get emotional satisfaction from inside ME. Nowhere else, not even from the hubs (Venus ruler of 7th and Moon in Libra). My formerly (overly, I admit) flirty behavior has vanished for good.
Hi Elsa,
Yes, it has happened to me – nothing too awful just a realisation that I was being used as a plaything, or a trophy and a sort of challenge. The fact that the man had a very senior position in the company I was working for at the time (he was unmarried) seriously affected me. It tansformed me practically overnight, but not without my confidence taking a serious blow. That was back in 2005 and I have never since been intimate with a man. It’s taken me all this time to come home to me, to really just be who I am and your post is timely – as I was discussing this with a friend of mine today, and told her I was ready now to meet with someone and be part of an honest, real relationship.
All the best
Dee
I know what you’re talking about and have seen it happen to others, but I’ve never experienced it.
Either I’ve been lucky or it’s my boundaries: all behaviour is outlined, upfront, before I move and if it goes beyond that then I move to the door. And as some of you are aware, there are proclivities of mine that are on the fringe where things like this can happen almost without warning.
Yeah… luck and boundaries. 
Saved my bacon more than a few times. 
I was too young to understand this when it happened to me. Took me 20+ years to get there, but MAN when I did! Whew!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This happened with someone I was in love with, once. At the time, I couldn’t wrap my head or heart around what can only be described as sexual gas-lighting.
It has happened to me. I dated a Cancer man who treated me extremely well at first, then said something akin to ‘I’m falling for you’, then turned on a dime and just displaced all his old female hatred on me at once. I felt like a non-sexual object entirely. I felt like a corkboard for him to stick his issues to. I felt used as a cardboard cutout of a person who meant absolutely nothing.
I’ve had a really hard time since, finding someone I like who also likes me. Someone who isn’t using me to satisfy something in themselves, only to give nothing back. Dating is very difficult. I’ve lost pretty much all motivation to date at all.
There are many, many scenarios. I just know it is possible to have an encounter that leaves a woman saying, I am going to get off this train.
Thanks to everyone who commented. You’re very brave.
I’ve never had serious violence but I’ve been hurt like that a couple times, especially when I was younger. It’s painful but I never felt it was life-changing — or at least I never felt it was more life-changing than any other sexual encounter.
The thing is sex is karma; the eighth house is a karma house. If someone abuses you sexually eventually they will pay — either through regret, or losing something they value when their behavior catches up with them. I really do believe that if one person violates the contract of intimacy they will eventually feel their own mistake.
I know this is true for all bad behavior, all consequences. But when the behavior is sexual it seems to have a lot more of a charge to it. At the very least it’s really doubtful that any perp is going to walk away from the exchange and live happily ever after.
Are you kidding? I have chiron in the 8th house.
My chart, as far as I know, doesn’t have violent aspects though — so I’ve been physically safe. But hell yes I’ve known men whose only interest in me was to use me… and I had blinders on, couldn’t see it, didn’t want to see it, hoped for something else, hoped it would turn into something else.
Women should trust their gut and instincts when dating. Just because he’s handsome or has job security doesn’t mean he won’t use you or abuse you. But who knows if some women want to be used like this? There are books on how to develop your intuition. I have to get around to it, just because I want to. Not many people have God in their relationships or lives so that spells for trouble and that’s just my opinion.
Thaaaank you so much. This has been an addictive cycle right now that I’ve been thinking of posting about (I’ve talked about it, too). Once a month, bing, another issue! It’s like that Richard Pryor joke about “My parents told me not to step in the dog poopoo. And I’ve been slipping in shit ever since.” It’s formulating a plan to get out of the cognitive cycle that gets me into the impulsive experiences. Of course they don’t call back or want to remember me. It’s so hard to get back when I’ve derailed.
The astrology is what I’m not sure about. Sun/Chiron t square Jupiter Uranus? Getting into impulsive situations that screw me up. Mars in the 12th stationary retrograde (!) biquintile Chiron?
I dont have what you would call instincts…I’ve tried very hard to call on them numerous times and only came back with an echo.
I swear I should have been born male. If someone could help me find my ‘womanly instincts’ I’d be eternally grateful.
@ eva – sound logic, boy I hope you’re right.
Yes, I’ve had this experience on more than one occasion. With Neptune/Mars/Moon conjunction,it has led me into painful, degrading situations (that later I could have regretted) due to unclear boundaries and unclear emotions and those damn rose colored Neptune glasses.
I choose not to regret even tho’ I’ve experienced lots of pain and disillusionment, because these experiences have made me able to help other people so much more. I continue to be a sexual/love explorer, ever optimistic. (Chalk it up to Venus/Jupiter? ;-D )
I would ask anyone who has had a bad experience to look at what it has taught them, to look at the gift hidden inside the shit. There is one, no matter how awful the situation, and once realized, its easier to avoid being led into trouble. NEVER blame yourself for any abuse you’ve suffered!
I think that Pluto may be the task master leading into being used, (or not) but the experience is Plutonian if one can profit by it to change themselves on a profound and hopefully better, NOT destructive level.
@daisy hit the nail on the head about changing the physical being the easy part.
I thought abstaining would be enough and I was cured but found myself repeating the same pattern as soon as I became emotionally attached to someone. It wasn’t bad at first but got real bad real soon, both emotionally and physically. Now I’m back to abstaining and still working on the emotional.
and yes, there is always a lot to learn with these experiences that can then be passed on to others.
I am very accident prone when it comes to relationships. The go-round last weekend with the latest guy has demonstrated this to me beyond any doubt. I have had many painful experiences with men but this one really took the prize. I have to be extremely careful going forward. Being “accident prone” in this way was just not something I ever considered, until now.
Thanks Elsa for your help on this one.
“looking for intimacy and affection” with a Pisces 7th house Venus and Chiron in the 8th??
I am celibate most of the time and all is good and well. But I am human and we live on this planet with all these other humans and so perhaps one night in a year I connect with someone and my longings and desires get the better of me….and the experience might be a beautiful one, but I am left with nothing but the buildup of all the years of shame, I guess. Sex is not a crime – actually it can be…argggggggggh
So glad this was posted. I have found myself wondering of late about having Pluto in the 8th house. Opposition to my Chiron – of course just now putting that together! Hmmm
Yes, I have been horribly used when it comes to sex. I was so naive in my youth and was looking at sex for love, but instead was used. I had sex when I didn’t want to @ 18. I can’t say it was rape, but I didn’t want to do it either. My memory is really fuzzy from then, but I did that several times and I believe it was my first time I was left with a life long STD. After that I had five years of two really great relationships then I was back on the being used bandwagon not mention self-destructive path. After a not so pleasant experience at 30, I did wake up! However, I haven’t had a relationship since. It is embarrassing how long that is now. I would love to be in a relationship, but not sure I have hit that transformation mentioned in this piece. So back to @daisy. I changed the physical by avoidance, but not the mental.
yes. the most significant one was what prompted me to realize that my self hatred was messing me over really badly. and that i needed to fix my eyes.
i hadn’t looked at it that way before. it really helps to think about it from this angle, instead.
moonpluto i have chiron 8th too. no violence, either. but it’s not necessary to feeling used. i’d imagine it would make it even worse.
but the (rather different) situations where i actually got hurt i woke up to really fast. i kept seeing the bruises and remembering.
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