Yeah, Caroline, it is a process..

Yes… I do and it keeps getting refined and more divine. I am blessed with some amazing people as parents.

hahaha! @SaDiablo l like that one, l feel the same at the moment.
But l was very happy with my parents indeed.
it’s true with age you start to see your parents in a different light! My mother always felt like my child to me somehow. My father died to early and my new father is great if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t have met my mother
don’t know if my mother is making him happy though she is totally obsessed with me and neeeeds to let go and live her own life, but damn she doesn’t have a life of her own. l really tryed to let her know this for so long and then some 6 years ago l gave up and thought ok it’s her life.

l do think parents can totaly ruin their childrens lives without realizing it. l’ve seen it so many times around me. They think they help but they don’t and get it in fact they are burdening the children with their ways and expectations of them it’s so sad, it’s happening to my friends and people around me, to my ex, to me and man it makes me so angry, it just hurts!

Complicated stuff parents! love mine anyhow, and l think my mother should be f… proud of me!

Yes. First of all, they are old. Second of all, they are who they are, not who I think they should be.

I have seen a lot of people run into this and so many stories of ways they dealt… or could not deal with the happenings. For example, my first husband’s mother wanted to talk to him about her death and will (they were both Scorpio) and he refused. RE-FUSED.

In the case of my current husband’s son, I am very candid about everything with him and he receives the info and uses it, I presume.

I had a pretty hideous Saturn return myself thought I leave that part out when I talk about it.

Having Neptune mashed with Saturn, there was quite a bit of denial in regards to my parents and not much fun when the veil dropped. I still find reality (Saturn) hard to believe (Neptune) and of course, so do others.

Yeah, CArRiE, that is another common manifestation. Once you change someone’s diaper you realize someone changed yours.

I don’t think I could ever forgive my mother for her ‘transgressions’ or selfishness. But there’s no way in hell I’m gonna cuss at her or physically harm her.

I figured out the hard way that she’s never gonna change and that I just don’t get along with her. So I just left her and only visit her three times a year.

I love her, but I can’t stand her. I wish I had a better relationship with my mother, but I don’t.

I was 30 earlier this year when I finally saw my parents for the humans they are. I experienced abuse at the hands of my father and my mother failed to protect me. This made me very angry.

When I was 30, I suddenly had the courage to confront my parents. And I realised they were both consumed by guilt. Dad was young and mentally ill. Mum was young, in love and felt powerless against her husband.

I was a parent when I had these conversations with my parents. I could see where they were coming from. Instead of being malicious monsters, my parents suddenly became hurt, guilt-ridden and scared humans who brought children into the world with full intention to love and nurture them, only to repeat the mistakes their own parents made.

The memories and scars from the abuse and neglect will never go away. But somehow, knowing my parents never wanted to hurt me and recognising their humanity means I can make peace with it (and them).

This hits really really close to home. Tomorrow I’m traveling to see my dad for the last time. He is dying of a rare disease and we just hope he makes it through Christmas. My parents split in the ’70s when it wasn’t common yet to divorce. There was nothing to prepare them for the trauma. My dad was so devastated he took up with the first woman who came along who turned out to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. She was emotionally abusive and my sister and I have stayed away as much as possible. We resented our dad a lot for not being there for us and not protecting us.

Flash forward – I got divorced. Now there is lots of experience – research on how to make a divorce more tolerable for one’s children, how to rebuild one’s life, support systems. And even with all that, gosh, its been so hard. So I got a real world understanding of why my dad made the choices he made.

I really really love my parents and have always loved them, However i always felt they never understood me and could never gather the courage to reason with them.
When last year i had my saturn retun it all changed for good, had horrendous bouts of verbal exchange and then there was silence and years of congestion was over. i accepted them for who they are and they never meant harm in making decisions for me, i became an adult and realised only way to a healthy relationship is communication, perseverance and endless tolerance (though i need to work a lot on the tolerance part). the realisation that i can develop a healthy realtionship with my parents doing x y z things makes me happy. i work 300 miles from where they are and make sure to meet them once a month, it makes them happy and me to.
I thank Saturn for making me wiser than i thought i was.

yes l agree with the thing on become a parent
l’m sure it helps but still l’m sure l wouldn’t change my mind about some things ralted to parenthood.

I remember reading DH Lawrence’s The Rainbow when I was about 13 and sobbing for hours after reading of Anna’s realisation that her stepfather Tom has feet of clay, since I’d recently come to feel a distance between myself and my father due to his inability to stand up to my mother’s treatment of me. It was a terrible moment in my life when I stopped worshipping my father and realised what a weak man he was.

My relationship with my mother was always very fraught, from earliest babyhood (I could keep no food down – I suffered from projectile vomiting, hard enough anyway but in postwar England with severe food rationing…!). I can’t find it in my heart to forgive her any of the subsequent 56 years.

Since I was adopted it’s very hard to know what the relationship would have been like if I’d been their biological child; not so different with my father but quite different with my mother I’m sure.

As for my real mother, I am sure she did her best for me in the circumstances – she was not to know my adoptive mother was so unbalanced. I also forgave her for not feeling able to respond when I contacted her in my mid-forties – it was clear she’d told nobody of my existence. I did however as the years passed grow to resent the fact she couldn’t even communicate my letter via a third party since there was no other means of finding out who my real father was. It’s a lack I feel very keenly and always shall.

I have Mars conjunct Saturn both Rx in Cancer, opposed my conjoint Sun and Venus, and both forming T-quares to my Jupiter conj Chiron. I was very traumatised psychologically by my childhood (which left me with a handicap) and as a result never contemplated having children myself.