I spoke with Annalisa about our days spent pulling weeds in the desert and recorded some of our conversation in the comments on the original post if you missed that. She vividly recalls this and when I talk to my oldest sister next, I think I’ll ask her impressions too.

One thing that struck me in writing the story and then again when I was talking to Annalisa was that I had not a jaded bone in my body back then. I was just doing my work, my personality independent from my sisters.

I mentioned we’d discuss who if anyone might go back to the house and remind someone we were out there and we’d have never sent me. I was considered too stupid. As a six year old, there would be no way to get it right and I was relieved at this as I had no desire to go to the house and be rejected, do you blame me?

I can recall all this vividly and I realize now how utterly perplexing it was at the time. I had my impressions which were not the same as my sisters especially my oldest sister who is about the bluntest woman you will ever meet in you life. She was a pissed off double Sadge with Mars in Scorpio and she had some choice comments you may imagine. For me it was a puzzle though. I was working and had information from all sides – what to do?

I realized tonight the skills I use to read a chart today were in development at that time but there was another thing that surfaced in our conversation this morning.

“Yeah,” I told my sister. “I just didn’t see it that way, I was profoundly confused. I just didn’t think it was that bad and if you’re already that confused when you’re six, I don’t think you are going to be able to become un-confused and normalize… probably ever.”

“Nope.”

“Yeah, you’re asking too much. How am I going to do that? I don’t think it’s possible. I was how old before I encountered anything normal?  Now people want me to know what they know, feel what they do and most of all, see things the way they do. Well I don’t see things the way they do and I don’t see this ever being resolved. I don’t want to resolve it for one thing, I’ve got no cause. I don’t want to be them. If I was meant to be normal, I’d have not spent my childhood pulling weeds in the desert for no reason, right? If I was meant to be like them, I’d have grown up like them but you get what I am saying. This is an impossible situation and if it’s that important I behave to your standard, I’d just as soon you stay away because I am not going to be able to do it. I’d also like to see those people behave to MY standard,” I said with a snort “That’ll be the day.”

I am 10 years old in that pic. Or 9 maybe.  No animals were harmed in the making of this post.