Tam asked about what I meant about not mixing ill-intent into letting go on yesterday’s post. I think it’s an important point, worthy of expanding. And the card we got today is perfect for the job!

Today’s Tarot is the Nine of Cups, reversed (from Mystic Dreamer deck), and associated with Jupiter in Pisces. By the time we hit a nine in Tarot, we’re almost to the end of the cycle. By this point, you’ve been working that energy a while and are in the home stretch of expression. Even inverted, this is a welcome card, sometimes called “the wish card.” Upright, I usually read this as an an individual getting their wish, whereas inverted, it can often suggest you’ll get some of, but not all of, what you’d like.

Note the contrast to yesterday’s Eight of Cups, associated with Saturn in Pisces. In short, we restricted (Saturn) what we wanted to leave behind; now, we’re on to expanding (Jupiter) what we want to experience. The two go hand in hand, you know. If your energy is tied up dealing with what you don’t want, it can’t go toward getting what you do.

I learned about the poison of ill-intent during my Saturn return, fittingly enough. My Saturn is in 7th house Pisces. My Saturn return saw my family decimated, literally overnight. I went to bed one night having three children, and work up the next morning having one. There were court dates and attorney’s bills thereafter, but that was the gist. All our lives were torn apart inside out in an instant.

I’ll spare you all the details that nobody else cares about. Suffice it to say I had boatload of ill-intent! The rage I felt scared me, because I’d never experienced anything remotely like it. I was getting violent mental images, the likes of which I’d never seen. I hated passionately, as completely as anyone could.

Hatred did not improve the situation. It didn’t ease any pain. It didn’t bring justice or correction. All it did was make me sick. I was the one who couldn’t eat or sleep or concentrate. I was the one crying all day. I was the one wishing bad things on others, against everything I believed to be right, the opposite of who I wanted to be. That ill-intent was turning me into the person I hated and amplified the suffering—mine, that is.

It took some time to climb my way out. This lived in my head every day to the point I could barely function. I finally got to the point I realized it was eating me up inside, all to no purpose. While the event wasn’t my doing, the daily sickness over it was. I don’t know if I’d call what I reached forgiveness, but I found some peace with it. I figured cruel people are probably unhappy, and I had the option to be happy despite the losses. So I chose to do that. I think that means I won.

The inverted Nine of Cups reminds us we may not always get what we want, but we can generally get what we need.

What about you? Have you ever gotten what you needed by letting go of what you wanted?

Mystic Dreamer Tarot (Book & Cards) by Heidi Darras and Barbara Moore

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