People hooked up with difficult partners sometimes tell themselves it’s because they can see the good, the potential there. I say it’s a bad idea to date potential. Dig a little deeper, though, there’s more to it than that. Solve that puzzle, and you’ll never find yourself dealing with your partner’s shadow in the same way again.

Today’s Tarot is the Seven of Cups, especially timely as it’s associated with Venus in Scorpio. Seven means we’re still in the realm of control, and with the cups, we’re looking at emotional control, how our emotions drive our desires. The two rows of choices here represent both higher and lower expressions of this energy—the upper row shows choices related to understanding our unconscious, finding the inner center and accessing the psychic information stream, while the lower row illustrates choices centering on accumulating wealth and power. (While I don’t personally associate wealth and power with poor choices, the obsessive pursuit of such for their own sake can be an exercise in ruthlessness, disconnected from higher principles.)

Before I wised up, I had a history of disastrous romantic alliances. Some was attributable to my 7th house Pisces, ready to date the potential instead of the reality for sure! But eventually, I realized there was more there. By choosing broken partners, I covered up my own sense of inadequacy. I didn’t feel  attractive or lovable, so I choose people even less attractive in terms of behavior, and “proved” my goodness through loving them anyway regardless of their behaviors. I projected my shadow to kingdom come, feeling virtuous as Hell the whole time. I was dedicated to seeing this through, because the other option would have been to face the thought I was flawed, weak and without inherent merit as a partner.

My game changed dramatically when I faced up to this, my own role and responsibilities here. The next fella I hooked up with valued me as me, and instead of the pseudo sense of goodness, I started seeing myself as genuinely valuable and worthwhile. I began to act in concert with that idea, expecting it more and more and suddenly, found a huge source of personal power previously untapped.  The deeper truth that both my flaws and my assets fully belong to me allowed me freedom from the oppressiveness of unhappy relationships to keep a vicarious sense of self-esteem intact. My self-esteem got all real and it changed my life in countless ways.

The Seven of Cups advises careful choice, looking at the deeper truth of each. Superficial won’t cut it here—dig below to find motivations, hidden truths and the reality of what you love and what it means to you. With that information in hand, you’ll be able to make the best choices.

You ever find your own shadow hiding in your choices? How did it work out?

Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot by Us Games Systems

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