Astrology And Happiness: Here’s A Trick – Try Denial
Catch up on this series – Can Happiness Be Taught Or Trained?
There are some less obvious ways happy people stay happy. Many of us use denial. Denial has a bad rap which I see as ridiculous. People could not survive without this mechanism and denial takes many forms.
The soldier and I have difficult lives and always have. You’re just going to have to take my word for that but regardless of this we are both very happy people. He can be completely content in a foxhole in the middle of a war, or sleeping on a rock.
As for myself, back when I was a homeless 15 year old, I had distinct awareness I was happier than most and by far. We both have an endless ways and means to access good feelings but one of the things we both do is focus on the nuance or to pull the Virgo side (Pisces and Virgo are inseparable whether you like it or not)… we might focus on a detail.
In my case, I like feeling of the sun on my skin. I like this feeling and I can at will, focus on this sensation and very effectively block anything and everything else out.
So I was sitting a bus bench back then, I was homeless and not sure what I was going to do with my life. I had more than a few problems I’d say and if I’d dwelled on them I suppose I would’ve spiraled down.
Instead I feel the sun warming my skin. I mean I really feeeeelt the sensation on my shoulder and a smile spread ‘cross my face. “Man I feel good,” I thought. And I did feel good. I felt the entire glory of this universe right there on my arm and this made suffering, impossible.
I cop to being very advanced at this but…
Do you ever access good feelings via denial?
45 Responses to “Astrology And Happiness: Here’s A Trick – Try Denial”
Well, I remember telling my mom once that I was looking forward to my kids moving out so I can pretend they aren’t doing anything stupid.
She said it doesn’t work. I thought that was kinda killjoy of her.
Yeah, Lupa. You reek of this ability. I saw my daughter today. She has Saturn in Pisces and Jupiter in Sadge trine a 9th house Moon. She’s ain’t goin’ down, ever!
It’s only recently that I’ve begun to appreciate my Pisces Saturn, thanks largely to what I’ve learned here. Mine isn’t an easy chart but it’s got some pretty profound magic. I’ll keep it. 
Love to my fellow Gem, Mosta!
This is what I found myself doing last semester, when I had that brief period where my depression almost took me over… and then I started compulsively baking pie.
It’s literally impossible to be unhappy with your hands full of strawberries and sugar.
Yeah, I love denial.
I love it so much I deny it is denial.
Reality is in the eye of the beholder. . .
(sun on skin,
rain on skin,
something Bob Marley,
a cocktail. . .
they all work for me)
i don’t call that denial, i call that a gift of finding beauty.
letting go of what’s out of your control, and controlling what is….
why you mention ‘soldier’ very often? what’s it suppose to mean? help me understand
Yes, and it is a fairly new thing for me (within the last 2 years). It’s fantastic.
Lots of love to Mosta!
Now, Lupa, I’m going to have to go and research what my Saturn in Pisces means…..
I seem to have an excellent memory for events (?). (Well, if there is a favorite guy involved, LOL) I can run things that happened over and over in my brain, and clue in to more and more things, almost like I’m there again…. Is this anything to do with Saturn in Pisces?
I guess I do use this to tune out sometimes – tv works good for that, too.
P.S. Love the feeling of the sun on my skin
Snapdragon, I would assume memory and brain stuff would be associated with Mercury and I have an unreliable memory. My Gemini mind is too busy to keep up with all the details all of the time. My 12th house Scorpio moon gets credit for all the knowledge that gets dumped into my subconscious to be accessed when I need it. If I’m lucky.
Saturn in Pisces would have more to do with your reality shifting than with the way your brain works, IMO.
the sun on my skin works for me, big time!!! I am a complete sunshine junky. I don’t think of that as denial though, it is just enjoying life as it is. (taurus rising) A song works for me too, right song at the right time:instant happiness. Beware the wrong song at the wrong time too, though, I always have to turn off the music if I am fighting with someone…. I don’t want to ruin my song!
(laughing at myself)
I have Venus in Virgo square Neptune. Oh, I can be completely in denial about things, especially my love life. I don’t know how to handle certain situations any other way. I think I’m just not well-enough equiped to face reality about certain things just yet. I’m overly sensitive, so I just slap on my smile and turn the other cheek.
Bleh.
actually, before i saw the video of you talking about the soldier’s use of denial while he was away from his first wife, i hadn’t really thought about this angle of denial as healthy. i always felt kind of guilty and annoyed with myself when i realized i was doing this in the past.
i did plenty of denial regarding my weight issues for many years. 100 extra pounds isn’t just “plump” man.
thinking about it, i’m also aware that i sometimes do this before taking on a significant project. i totally “erase” a lot of the work required in my head before i start. otherwise, it would be overwhelming. but once i’m in, my scorpio mars keeps me going.
interesting hearing from the other sat. in pisces folks…i think i’m finally coming to terms more with my pisces, which i have long had a tendency to project…go figure.
I really like this topic. I can relate especially to the sun on my skin. When I was really sick last year just sitting in the sun made my day and listening to music. Just tuning out and listening to music works for me everytime.
My denial goes to such lengths, it’s not even funny…for instance, I can’t remember the majority of my childhood. Oh, sure…if I REALLY wanted to, I could dredge up memories, but I DON’T want to, so I don’t. Childhood? What’s that?? Sun doesn’t do it for me, but smells do (although, the sun has a smell! did you know that? 
hehe)…Food smells, beach smells, flower smells…scent & food make me happy. I can forget everything else exists w/a bunch of lilac or hyacinth in my face Oooooh, or LEMONS!! Lemons are wonderful to smell….
how about some shiny chickens?!!!!! LOL Don’t know if you caught that joke, but SOME people will 
)
Skye, I second that. Sometimes I will actually wake up in the morning and realize that I had a song going through my head all night. Also I can bike pretty hard (push through) if I just have that rock going in my ear.
someone just sent me this:
http://www.livescience.com/health/060227_happiness_keys.html
Elsa thank you for this I can not tell you how often I have said this to my family members (i.e. siblings and children).
Denial has a bad rap which I see as ridiculous. I truly agree with this. I believe that denial keeps most of us functional in all truth. As many depressed people as there are in the world if a great majority of us could not escape into some form of denial we would all be crazy. It is like most things moderation is the Key.
Wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful posts, this series.
Driving fast down the backroads with music playing loud enough to drown all thoughts.
I use this to take a break from the thoughts in my head that travel in endless circles. Sometimes, it is enough to find away out of a problem or change my perspective.
That’s how I move pain out of my body. Yay Merc Neptune.
I have access to good feelings on tap!
9th house mars in virgo trines 1st house venus in cap.
Jupiter trines moon
Sun and stellium in Sag!
And I know what it is like to be homeless, and then I said to myself I am FREE! Next thing you know it I am living on the other side of the world for 10 years!
Oh. YES. Saturn in Pisces, too, and several Virgo placements. I also like to think of it as “selective living” – really zeroing in on the good stuff, because there is ALWAYS something good. It is a skill, it can be developed and I really believe that. Denial – it is very highly underrated and often categorized (wrongly, I think) as suppression. And I have read research on how encouraging people to “talk it out” – i.e. elaborate on trauma, difficult experiences, etc. – actually often extends the negative experience and can even intensify it. Can increase the sense of victimization.
Nope, I rarely live in denial. I’m far too realistic. I know two people who live in denial, and oddly enough, both have Saturn in Pisces, born thirteen years apart. Their denial/delusions cause pain and hardship for the people around them because we’re left picking up the pieces of their lives and assuming responsibility for the responsibilities/realities they’re ignoring. Example: my husband’s ex-wife is in denial over her daughter’s serious learning disabilities so I/we’re the one dealing with the doctors’ appointments, the meetings with the teachers, teh supervision and assistance with homework and the paying of tutors. The ex also spends money she doesn’t have and refuses to pay her share of the mortgage on the family home with the belief that she’ll meet someone soon who will take on the credit card debt and provide her with a new home and carefree lifestyle. She is also verging on obese and yet puts down “curvy figure/average build” on her online dating profiles. I’m sure denial helps her pretend everything is okay but by ignoring the very serious issues in her life, she is not helping herself. The other person is a life-long friend who I have recently had to drop due to several factors: her denial of her drinking problem, her denial of neglecting her kids in order to pursue a married man, etc. She had been merely happy-go-lucky during her twenties and I used to appreciate her rosy-coloured viewpoint. Not any more. She’s ruining her life along with that of her young kids through her denial/delusion. As you can tell, I am not a fan of living in denial. I like to face problems head on and right away: I have Pluto/Mars in Virgo conjunct in the 12th house.
when i was 19, had 2 weeks on the streets of new york city before me and a bf could get out (long story), and this is the exact thing i talked myself and him into doing to make those days not so miserable (not the sun on skin part the denial/fantasy part)
12th house stellium virgo/libra cusp
yup–sky is blue, roses are in bloom. Yes, there might be a huge knife in my back, but if I get through this day, and the next, healing will have started, so that’s just what I have to do. Sooner or later, you realize that you are a mile down the road, the scab has started forming, and you can start paying attention to what is going on around you a little more.
I don’t think what is mentioned in this thread is denial so much as it’s “prioritizing other things to focus on.” Which isn’t bad. On crap days I do the sun thing too!
But ignoring reality to the point where your life is getting screwed over, well, I can’t say I think that’s great. I don’t know how you’re gonna figure out how to haul yourself out of the pit if you are too busy closing your eyes and wishing that someone will send you a rope.
@Anna,
I suspect Elsa is referring to the ‘higher octave’ of Denial. A focus on something you have now verses what you have lost. Focusing on what’s going ‘right’ verses what is going ‘wrong’. Having a measure of ‘hope & optimism’ verses ‘Despair pessimism’.
True…. many people use the ‘lower octave’ by refusing to acknowledge current conditions (which may have physical & legal ramifications) while yearning for what they believe will greatly improve their lives.
Hmmm…. I could be misusing the word “octave”, but my point is trying to contrast the extreames.
I’m not sure this is denial by definition, the conjuring up memories of the sun’s warmth…I’ve seen stuff like this mentioned in meditation books and visualization therapy for mental illnesses. I think of it more as a form of self-preservation. If you got stuck in the negative reality if reality is bad, you’d find no reason to live.
Either way, I love doing it! When I’m in the actual event, I make sure to create memories of the sensations – like that warm feeling of the sun, scents, how things look. It’s great having solid access to them later on when things aren’t going well, it’s relaxing. During slow times at work I’ll recreate my favorite state park and, in my memory, walk the trails all over again.
Why yes, my moon is in Taurus (and the 1st house!).
Elsa thanks 4 this I choose 2 focus on detail when things get bogged down, so I don’t waste energy on something ineffectual! (Gem Mars) Being happy in my own state of mind is not something I expect everyone to get but sometimes I wish they’d at least try. It doesn’t take great skill to follow the waves of emotions as long as you follow the good ones… =)
I’m very good at finding ‘moments of beauty’ – and because I feel the need for them so keenly I try always to ensure I’m living or staying somewhere that’s possible. It’s also why I’m so attached to my ‘things’! – they provide a constant source of minor ‘happinesses’ even if things in my life are very black. I definitely remember doing just that often, when I’ve been in seemingly hopeless situations!
But I’m not good at denial, not at all. I’ve got no Pisces nor Virgo in my chart using any likely tob (nor any Sag nor Aries). I always stare loss and disaster right in the face, and don’t (can’t?) pretend they aren’t what they are.
My Sag sister also adopted and who shared the same childhood (but was as loved by our mother, as I wasn’t) is nevertheless in denial about most of it – for example she has totally wiped out the horrific rows between my parents, with the two us cowering in one of our bedrooms hanging on to each other… She’s always gone for ‘sunny side up’ – but when Ma died I think she was the one revealed to be the more damaged of the two of us. Amputating me at that was part of her denial – part of her refusal to deal with the past.
Being unable to enjoy those moments like the feel of sun on skin, a lovely flower in the garden, a fine piece of music, or the delight of a dog running free, is when a person has sunk into clinical depression: that’s when NOTHING matters. We can argue for ever about whether a tendency to sink that far down is genetic, chemical, astrological or whatever! For some of us it’s a constant battle not to go there…
PS I do mean of course ‘constant battle not to go there when things get really bad’! – not all the time :^)
Its been a crazy few months!! I’m glad to be able to relax and enjoy your readings again =)
I think this belongs in the Elsaelsa Top Ten of All Time (So Far). Profound.
When I get really overwhelmed I “leave” Thats kinda metaforical… I go someplace alone not far away just down the road. Surrounded by nature. THEN I leave. I look around close my eyes and lay back and LEAVE. Can’t explain but I focas on the elements around me. Sometimes I focas on the wind and feel as though I call a breeze light and refreshing up. I make a picture in my head of what is on the other side of my closed eyes.. and the picture doesn’t continue to match whats there it shifts until I have left… I comeback relaxed and refreshed and usually with an image that gets me on the right path.. maybe my grand air trines? Or sun Pisces moon scorp and ASC Gemini in 2 of the trines? Hmmm now you have me wondering…
@elsa. with all due respects I have found denial to be where a person convinces themselves that they are ok and that negative experiences havent happened and havent had an effect on them plus and here’s the biggy, generally speaking one doesnt usually know one is in denial, thus its name? sounds like your more “fake it till you make it” and theres absolutely nothing wrong with that at all, in fact it works for many quite well. So here’s to you makin it for real, god knows you deserve it xx
Denial is the reason I’ve been able to smile at all since July 26, 2010. I’ve had a series of emotional shocks since then and I’ve kept moving and smiling by consciously telling myself that what happened hasn’t happened, and that what it means isn’t what it means. I let reality in a little bit at a time, feel the pain, deal with it as best I can, and then I go right back to Fantasy Island for another few days.
Elsa, gal, you jest got the trick of living in the NOW. Wot’s the use of worrying, it never was worthwhile – amazin how we forget all dat stuff, ain’t it?! (But not you, a course!)
thing is, i don’t call that denial… more a refusal to ignore the joy of being alive…
something like that.
I can relate to Kathy’s driving fast down back roads with music playing loud enough to drown out thoughts!
And singing at the top of my lungs at the same time! With the windows down not caring who can hear me. !
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Oh definitely. I completely get the sun on the skin thing.
I suppose I would have to credit my Saturn in Pisces for the ability.