I marvel sometimes at the capacity to see only what one wants to see. I work to overcome it myself, but by definition, blind spots are…well, blind. I do consider it a responsibility to be on the lookout for them anyway. Being more aware gives me opportunity to improve my life and relationships with others.

Today’s Tarot is the Five of Wands. Like all fives, this card denotes instability, a struggle or competition of some kind. In this version, we see women competing, although it doesn’t appear to be extreme or to the death. There’s conflict and debate no doubt, but not necessarily malice. Astrologically, this card is associated with Saturn in Leo, so it’s possible the butting of heads is partially for dramatic intent, or perhaps fueled by ego drives, competing for attention.

This version is also interesting, in that some of the women are wearing white, and some black. Light versus darkness, acknowledged versus secret, or seen versus undetected aspects could be highlighted. I do sometimes see this card when there is a lot of internal struggle—like different parts of one’s personality at war with one another.

My husband always used to point out the stuff the times I got most frustrated at my daughter was the times she acted most like me. I could have smacked him for that. But it would have been projecting if I had. I knew he was right, damn it.

I want to see myself as little Miss Love-and-Light. This is a large part of how I self-identify. Overall, it’s not a bad goal to have. I want to go through this existence without ill intent, and I think that’s very doable. But you know, sometimes, it means I can be sluggish to acknowledge that shadow that we’ve all got. Doesn’t fit into the paradigm, man. And when you’ve got that shadow but are not inclined to own it, then there’s only one place for it to go: the nearest bystander. This is, of course, a crappy way to treat bystanders, so I try to avoid it. I have a couple of tricks for that.

It’s easier to spot projecting the shadow where you know you may be overreacting. Having feelings way out of proportion to the stimulus is a surefire sign to look a little deeper. But in cases where maybe you have been treated poorly, where your interests have been disregarded or others have legitimately been cruddy to you? It’s easy to blame EVERY part of the problem on somebody else. Even if your intent was stellar, any time you’re in the middle of something that blows up, you’re a participant of some fashion. If you can’t see the spots you slipped, you have no mechanism for altering your approach to avoid next time, should you choose that as a goal.

Another hint is an overwhelming drive to “get through” to somebody else. My choices are my own; if I’m trying to commandeer someone else’s choices, then I’m overinvested in their business. It means I’m reacting as if it were about ME, and that’s a good indication that I’m pushing some of me on them unconsciously. I don’t know if this is the same for everybody, but for me, it’s a solid sign I’m not being honest with myself.

The message of the Five of Wands is a direct one for me today: acknowledge and love all parts of myself, as they are all part of this human experience.  I can choose not to give energy to aspects of my experience I don’t wish to amplify, but if I try to whitewash it out of existence, it will get amplified by my denial. And it’s pushing my own dirty laundry on somebody else. Much better to accept the lesson by asking what those feelings are there to teach me, feeling grateful for the learning so I can let them go and direct my attention to more fun things. Like being little Miss Love-and-Light.

Have you caught yourself getting mad at someone else for the same stuff you do?

Mystic Dreamer Tarot (Book & Cards) by Heidi Darras and Barbara Moore

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