Sweethiez, you’re right! The deception. Sorry about that. I am talking about the psych angle. The man is only attractive when it’s taboo, betrayal and so forth.

I don’t know how it works in America, but that’s certainly not the case in Europe. In marriages where it’s tacitly accepted the man will have other relationships (or just ‘sexual adventures’), in my experience that makes it far more acceptable to ‘the other woman’. The ‘bitch’ type might operate like that – enjoying the taboo and the deception – but most women are not comfortable with knowing a man is pretending to be faithful when he’s not.

Many older European women are mostly pragmatic about passing infidelities. I don’t think they should be despised for that, any more than those who don’t find it acceptable when they discover their longtime husband has had a secret affair should be despised for ending the marriage. Couples react to the sexual realities of a long marriage in different ways; if a wife has lost interest in her husband in that way and turns a blind eye to his extramarital activities, that’s between them. It works the other way too: even in my own family I know of a couple where the woman has lovers (one only and often for years) and the husband who has no interest in sex chooses not to know. The marriage is nevertheless strong, as is the family unit.

I’ve known many many ‘open marriages’. One of my close friends, in her late 60s now, is caring both for her longtime lover AND his wife, in their old age. She is good friends with their children whom she watched grow up. It takes all kinds…

I’d say too: men aren’t attractive because they are married – they are married because they are attractive!

I don’t have any experience with that, but there’s a recent board post here about a woman who’s getting battered through the courts by her ex-husband’s new lover — I was involved in something similar. I have no idea what the heck those two would have done with themselves if I wasn’t around to heckle and accuse and investigate – I sincerely doubt that without me they would have had a relationship at all. But I have a major neptune thing going on too with moon/neptune in the tenth so there’s that adding to it too. I was *infamous* to my ex-husbands new family .

never personally but i think i get it. if you’re the secret lover it’s steamy forbidden love. wow he’s risking all that for me, i must be really special. but if she condones it then it’s eeew, i’m just a piece of *ss on the side of your lame dysfunctional relationship.

I have Pluto opposite my Venus, Mercury and Sun. I also have my Neptune in the 7th house trine my Venus so I have both the deception and the illusion thing going on.
I’ve been the other woman a couple of times. Once I was aware of what I was doing and decided “if it doesn’t bother him, it doesn’t bother me”. I would’ve ended it if his partner found out but I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if she was ok with it.
The other time I had no idea the person was in a relationship and I was devastated when I found out.
I’ve been accused of being the other woman many times by wives or girlfriends but usually there is nothing except friendship/support going on (Venus in Aquarius). Having said that, I now wonder if the guys see my friendliness as more… hmmm… Neptune fog rules again

I think venusflytrap has it nailed!

Venus opposite pluto here. I know a thing or 2 about that. When this is activated by transit in my chart, I get involved with men who are either dating someone else, meet someone else after we start dating, who are still stuck on someone prior to that (or someone stuck on them), or who are unavailbale for some reason – emotionally or otherwise. Venus Pluto teaches about self love and transformation of self value within relationships with others..

Welcome, Lottie!