I was surprised when I saw, HQ had posted about victimhood on the boards. It made me recall a conversation we had years ago when he told me I wasn’t a victim. This had dawned on him at the time and as always, I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. I’d never thought about such a thing and talking to HQ challenged me back then, it still does.

It’s now a number of years later (eight?) and then up pops this thread. I was moved by it. I was stirred because it reaches back further than you might imagine. More than eight years, that’s for sure.

His said at the time we discussed this that he’d never met anyone in his life with more cause to call themselves a victim but this did not seem to be part of my makeup. If you were actually me, you might understand the kind of knot this created in my head. What’s wrong with me again? What did I do? I’m not a what?

I am routinely overwhelmed with the thoughts of others, especially with their thoughts about me. For starters I have trouble comprehending that anyone would even think about me in the first place which is pretty easy to understand if you consider my background. If a girl lives in the desert, does anyone know? How would they know?

I never really got out of that mindset so when someone tells me something like this, first I have to deal with the idea they have ideas about me and then I have to deal with what those ideas might be.

If this makes me sound anti-social, well I am not. I am very social, I just come from somewhere no one understands and others come from somewhere I don’t understand and collisions result.

I thought about HQ’s post overnight in tandem with my recollection of the conversation we had 8 years ago and I think I know now why I have never felt like a victim but I should say at this point, you could beat me to a pulp. You could beat me near to death (which has happened) and I can tell you unequivocally that at no point in that process would I feel like a victim.  What I would feel is that this was my life going on and I think the reason is because I was never introduced to the concept.

I was told I would have to work. I was told I would have to find my way in this life. I was told that if I got beaten in a card game it was because I was a lousy player and it was suggested that I didn’t like to lose, I best raise my game.

As a result of this, let’s say I had my arms and legs blown off by a car bomb. I would still not feel like a victim.  I’d feel like, Elsa, with no arms and legs and if I died, I’d just be dead.

So that is how I am strung and here is my question:

If you are someone who feels you are a victim, where did the idea originate? And the astrology?