Regarding the post(s) that caused my recent lying low…
I decided Annalisa’s post is a lot like wearing jeans. People seem to like me to wear jeans, they like my ass I suppose but I don’t like wearing jeans. They are my last choice of something to wear and happily, I can usually go a year or two between times I have to wear them for some reason.
I think I got this way because I did not grow up wearing jeans and never had a pair until I was a sophomore or a junior in high school. Up until then we had the clothes my mother made you’d think I’d have been clamoring for jeans since they were what everyone wore and our clothes were beyond strange, made by a double Aquarian and all.
My sister was clamoring but I was not and when I finally got a pair of jeans from Goodwill, put them on and looked in the mirror, my thought was, what the fuck is this?
I certainly didn’t think they were what they were cracked up to be and I still feel that way when I wear jeans and make up etc, though people say I look good.
I’d rather not look good then go against my own grain.
Back on topic, it’s true I don’t react normally to compliments. I don’t internalize them other than the ones I give myself and there are plenty of them. It’s not like I have low self esteem.
It’s just if you tell me I look good in jeans and I am standing there intensely uncomfortable with them on, there is some kind of disconnect there. What difference does it make if I look good if I feel bad? How can you not see I feel bad or hear me when I tell you?
If you can parse those last two sentences you might have some insight or understanding into how I feel but I understand it may be impossible. I don’t know why it would be impossible only that this is… likely. My way of being or feeling is not true for you so it can’t be true for me?
On the next post, mine, the store bought woman post, Jilly said people did not believe me when I said things because so many people lie these days and while is right on one level I don’t think this quite covers it. People didn’t believe me when I was 6 years old and telling them what was going on in plain language. I am pretty sure this is because I was “cute”.
Not that I am complainin’, if you are cute then you are cute but perhaps this explains it. It’s sort of like saying someone can’t be a rapist because they don’t look like a rapist. Er… okay, then.
I am not sure if anyone could track this but in the end if you tell me, “Hey, Elsa, you’re cute and you look good in jeans,” it is probably not going to occur to me thank you because you’d have just dismissed and discounted everything that is important and meaningful to me.
When I was 6, they told me I was cute and I could read on a 7th grade level and while it may have been true, they ignored the very important things I was telling them and people died because of it.
I think when you have dimples the die is cast.
31 Responses to “Under The Scorpio Moon: More Facts To Deny”
“serious enough to convey” … yeah, see what I mean? <3
Well, Shannon, you sent me the tip that got me feeling better so this post is for you, I hope you like it. 
Im sorry to hear that people died because they didnt see the important things elsa. I do understand the disconnect though…. people see me as sickly sweet which is not bad but it does cause discord for me and others when I have something serious or dark to say. People just dont want to see or hear it and instead they just look the other way or think nah she’s too sweet. I guess the astro is my Pisces rising throwing a silk veil over my scorpio sun & packed 8th
I just re-read it and I mean everything I said but perhaps I should have said, I don’t mean to make anyone feel bad. It’s just there is lots of speculation and projection – there is a way you are supposed to act when people compliment you, I know what it is and I don’t act that way and this is why… to do so would be disingenuous and I don’t have that gene.
I can apologize all day for not being normal but I can’t see what good it will do. I am Henry’s granddaughter and I didn’t apple didn’t land all that far from the tree.
There are others like me. Henry is one of them and so is my husband. If you tell him he looks good (and you are not me), he immediately thinks you are setting him up to be killed so it’s safe to say he is not going to internalize what you say, see?
I guess it would be nice if someone walked away from here comprehending that people like this, like me, exist for whatever reason, we are drawn this way – well that would be good.
“Maybe he/she is one of those people who don’t internalize compliments….”
Because we do exist.
My husband believes me when I compliment him but no one but me because he writes it off to love being blind.
Skye, I have seen your picture and you are sweet looking and I think we are talking about similar things here.
Yah. I’m into jeans. We wore secondhand stuff from my older cousins’ closets growing up, so lots of jeans and sneakers that were too big for my feet. Thing is, I don’t like ultra-tight jeans, skinny, skinny-boyfriend, or whatever is “in”, even if I can pull the stuff off. I don’t feel comfortable in trendy. I like a classic look, mid or low-rise is nice, with room to move and no butt crack to show! I also like that jeans last a really long time.
Not about the khakis, but I can handle them for a few hours a week because I like my job. If I hated my job, I’d send khakis to heck !
Speaking for myself, sort of around this issue: i can’t bear compliments. Or, more specifically: i do not like, at all, my appearance being discussed — even positive things. Makes me very uncomfortable. Or even a talent I have. It kind of makes me sick. I can’t exactly explain it but I think I understand a bit about what happened with these posts. When someone does give me a compliment it feels false or strange (it feels other things too) but it never ever feels… like me. And then people project and think they know what one is thinking.
I don’t have sweet/cute pictures on my facebook page even — I guess I look kind of serious there. But if people make comments about it — eek, yuck. There was one exception to that — and that was my scorpio friend who disappeared, the one who knew me from high school. He said to me that that picture looked like I was looking straight at him. That meant something to me.
Sometimes the way people talk, even if they mean well, it feels like an exposure. Some people are really really private. I am one of those people–
that make your own jeans site is pretty cool actually… it asks if your butt is prominent, LOL
I’ll never in a million years understand how so many people can say they are comfortable in jeans. I’ll grant they sometimes look good. But I went through the early part of my life actually thinking that people were lying, and that they were doing that just because for some weird reason the jean was considered the most American of clothing, and they wanted to fit in. – And so I lied, too, and wore jeans to fit in, finding them uncomfortable the whole time. (Even broken in, the material’s too thick!) Ah well, eventually I stopped caring so much, and am free to wear what I want.
My mother, too, never wore jeans (she’s a mega Aquarian), and she was actually confronted by one of the neighborhood kids about it – he was pretty hostile about it. She just laughed and said, ‘no, I don’t wear jeans’, like only she knew the truth, that it was not the thing to do! I was proud of her, but made a mental note to try to avoid the ire I saw in that little boy, and unwisely tried to fit in – never to succeed, anyway. Ah, well.
Um, I just got distracted by the thought of jeans… But I actually came here to comment that this lesson, Elsa, is the lesson that first drew me to your blog. I think it’s what you convey really well even when you’re just talking about astrology. Of course, lots of astrologers will tell you with certainty, ‘everyone is different’. But you are really able to express what that actually means, in lived life. To really wrap one’s mind around that truth. It’s a real mind-bender, and I hunger to learn more and more about this truth – it just goes deep. Thanks.
Oh, and… the more compliments you give my husband, the more he’ll avoid you. (Except for me, of course! 
And I do stick my tongue out after a heap of compliments, because I know he doesn’t want to hear them. He realizes it’s a losing battle with me, and just nods and smiles – like, okay, okay.)
RE: jeans
I feel the same about sweat pants, yoga pants, or anything with an elastic waistband. *nodnodnod*
As far as feeling erased by someone’s projections (like how moonpluto described, someone thinking they must know what you’re thinking), I’d love it if someone would tell me when I’m wrong about that and explain why. Most people can’t be bothered, though.
“Oh, and… the more compliments you give my husband, the more he’ll avoid you. “
Yep, he’s another of us…
Elsa, I think that one of the biggest lessons I have received from you, is that not everyone thinks the same, acts or reacts the same, etc. Many years ago, I used to get very frustrated with people when they didn’t know the things I know or think the way I think. It literally shocked me when I realized this was normal, and I have you to thank for that, Elsa.
As for Annalisa’s post & the subsequent attention, I could see how that would get to you. You’re just not the kind of person to get pulled into all that, and that’s just part of what makes you YOU. Still, there was a wealth of love in that post, and I thought it was lovely. I’m sorry it made you uncomfortable.
Jeans…hehe…I love jeans…and track/yoga pants…and any pants that are “snug”, actually. I feel “held in” and “contained” and I like it. The tighter the better…I must have at least 7 pairs of jeans. Skirts? three…and one of ‘em is a jean skirt! hahaha…But then, I’m not very yin, like you 
p.s. for the record, people often have very strange preconceived notions about me…all depends on the person, but I’ve heard some doozies over the years…most of them think I am very sweet & nice…I’ve never understood that *shrug* gotta love that Neptune on the midheaven, eh?
great post..I can understand the disconnect that goes on in ones head when you feel one thing and another person says something that totally contradicts what you’re feeling.
Its like when my husband tells me something he thinks I want to hear but I know its not at all what he’s really thinking or what I really want to hear from him. gets on my nerves.
“Hey, Elsa, you’re cute and you look good in jeans,”
This I get because when I was a tow-headed kid, the adults in my life wanted me to wear pink w/ruffles. I HATED pink, ruffly clothes because in my head I was a total tomboy. (Scorp rising, progressed Sun in Scorp & Mars on the ASC)
BTW, I’m not a fan of jeans and never have been. I have a well rounded butt and 10-12″ difference between my hips & waist, so if the damn things fit my butt they gap at the waist big time.
Not a fan of low rise anything either, not when they called them “hip huggers” in the 70′s or now. Very, very few women can wear them well IMO.
“What difference does it make if I look good if I feel bad? How can you not see I feel bad or hear me when I tell you?”
I understand this, through the lens of my own experience. I was denied psycholical help when I was young for both an eating disorder and suicidal depression. You know that expression “walks like a duck and talks like a duck”…well some of us have Sun-Neptune as I just copped to, and we may look like ducks but we are not ducks:(
“walks like a duck and talks like a duck”…well some of us have Sun-Neptune as I just copped to, and we may look like ducks but we are not ducks:(
Very well said, chrispito. See, people think I am so weird yet look at all the company I have!
I really do feel bad I am not the person you think I am or that it seems I would be or that I look like, however…
For the record, I have had screaming fights about this with my husband. He still gets me confused with his illusion of 30 years ago and it’s hard on me as an individual because I ALWAYS let people down… I think it is literally impossible not to because they just won’t look at what you are but what you could or should be according to their imagination.
It’s like looking into a pond at your wavy image and trying to match it in real life – I am telling you it is not possible.
“I ALWAYS let people down… I think it is literally impossible not to because they just won’t look at what you are but what you could or should be according to their imagination.”
Ditto, and it is one of the hardest, most painful things to deal with sometimes. I just try to do my best & hope they “see me” eventually…*sigh*
Oh Elsa, I feel for you on so many levels.
For one, it hurts to be dismissed and I’ve had similar experiences; mostly as a kid.
I’m Irish-American and was born a redhead, and was taken on by my stepmother when I was turning three. This woman hated me with every fibre of her being, starting with my hair — which was (is) the same colour as my mom’s. Every time I turned around, she was getting it chopped within an inch of my scalp; and I’m a LEO for chrissakes ! I was into my hair, even when I was little. Ditto for being a highly-developed early reader (and psychic) and constantly not just being dismissed; but being horribly beaten over what I’d say, or simply just BEING. Even in adulthood, I wonder when I’m appropriately editing what I say or outright censoring myself. If someone does either of those enough, they lose sight of what their own truth is. Writing helps me remember my truth without revealing anything to potentially critical others. But you go one step further and put yourself out there. I hope you don’t take it the wrong way if I say that I marvel at how brave you are; because I do.
Anyway, no one had any clue that things were so bad for me, because I’d take care to hide the bruises, and the worse I felt the more effort I put into looking good; so I’d garner compliments unintentionally whilst thinking “Heh, you have no idea…”.
Now, I have my red hair down to my butt and dress for how I am in the moment. I’m hyper-vigilant about what I say, lest I offend anyone, but I’m not about to hide either; and I still feel iffy about compliments sometimes — not very Leo, but hey; you know how it is.
Thanks for this post…
I have a Sun-Neptune square/packed 12th house and I baffle/disappoint/confuse a lot of people. There seems to be some kind of expectation for me to not be so weird (I have crooked humor), so serious, so into “heavy things” (sorry–I can only do small talk for so long) such as spirituality, politics, the f*cked up state of our society. I guess I want to get to the heart of the matter; pleasantries being pleasant and all…just dont interest me for too long.
It seems that people like to see me completely differently than I actually am; like a stereotypical mold that would otherwise fit my age/appearance/culture/sexuality…but my measurements are always off.
I also dont take compliments very well, and have always thought this was due to low self-esteem. Maybe I should re-evaluate this.
I guess this would help explain that while I am very sociable, I am also somewhat of a loner and my real friendships I could count on one hand.
comment eaten! 
i used to wonder all the time what people were setting me up for when they complimented me. 85% of the time, that’s what was happening.
except when it was my brain, because i had cold hard facts to back that up. even, then, though, people think flattery can get you somewhere.
so i usually just say thank you, and go back to what i was doing.
then again, if i get detailed critique which requires thought and depth and understanding, and makes sense based upon my experience, i really appreciate it… because it expands on something important to me.
I appreciate compliments and will thank you, but it’s not going effect how I act or what I wear in any way. I don’t hand out fake compliments, and I to my knowledge, don’t usually get any for malicious reasons. If it is not just a compliment, it has just been a way of initiating conversation or small talk.
Also, I know when I feel something looks good on me, and if I don’t feel I look good in something, no one else’s opinion is going to trump my feelings about it.
Btw, I love jeans because they are tough and can take a lot. They can get dirty with little effect on their appearance. Used to wear them in elementary school went I played on the playground with the guys.
Why is it so hard for me to accept compliments? Not ulterior motive compliments but genuine compliments, real and spontaneous compliments?
I am trying to be more aware of why I would push them away. Because I think a compliment is a gift, a sign of grace, and I want to be spontaneous back and accept this gift with grace.
i practiced saying thank you and meaning it. for the gesture, whatever the motive. and just leaving it at that. a lot of the time i’ve found i can gauge from people’s reaction to that some of the underlying intentions.
I’ve only now been able to come back to this, as I was a bit distressed and then a lot busy. Thanks, Elsa – I didn’t realize that. And I am glad that something I did made a difference. 
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I want to say something, but I’m not sure that anything I can say will be serious enough to say what I want to say. But I felt somehow wrong letting this go uncommented.