I wrote this in 2003. I started writing with Saturn in 5th house. You define your creativity during this transit and I emerged as a writer. I’m a natural, I’d say but SLOPPY. I just wrote and wrote and wrote and it was not until Saturn hit my 6th house, HQ got involved and introduced me to the concept of editing. I am glad he did this but I feel nostalgic for times that have passed and freedoms I no longer enjoy.

I wrote this by request. I was telling stories, maybe a couple hundred people read my blog at the time and one of them asked that I tell a story where I fell in love. I was taken aback by the question and I had no idea why at the time.

In hindsight I think this can be chocked up to Saturn Neptune I was just writing and writing with little thought of the who was reading and what they may think of me. It was just straight storytelling with no filter so I was shocked when someone could see a void like this that I could not. I had been writing non-stop for 2 years by then but in whatever case I decided to comply but did so in my own freakish way.

I wrote about how I got roped into a date one time. I went skating with this guy, I was 19 and it was the first time I ever had skates on my feet and boy I pissed off. I was just mad as hell on that date but also wonderfully intrigued. The Freak That Is Elsa P.

I never saw that guy again obviously, I was really was in mood to date. I had found out the soldier had married someone else by then, his wife was pregnant and I was mourning the loss big time. I had been on a few other dates, all of them situations I was pressured into in some way. I was just in a funk is all.  I just wasn’t fucking interested and it lasted for 6 months.

It was not until I met the guy from Michigan that I actually found myself on a date I wanted to be on and he was my “boyfriend”…. er, sorta. I felt tremendous loyalty to him but had become very disillusioned with the situation after my trip to go see him. I just didn’t think we had a future but I did not know how to say so. There was nothing wrong with this guy, see? He was a perfectly nice guy.  He was fun and hip, great looking and generous but… I had a broken heart I guess.

Things were further complicated by the friendship I had developed with his best friend (Leon) and his wife. I could not have known Leon and I would be friends decades later but I did know I was finding it impossible to tell everyone or anyone that I did not want to have a boyfriend in another state so what I did was go skating.

Yeah, I had all this angst and sexual energy so I started going skating by myself, first a little and then a lot. I’d go on adult night but I would also go on kid nights / sweetheart nights and every other kind of night they had at the rink just to be moving.

Being Neptunish. I’d skate around the disco lights, tears streaming as the love songs played and teenage couples skated around because it’s just the way I am. I just couldn’t figure out my life for shit and has decided to skate until answers came. Eventually I started stopping in a bar on the way home.

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