The soldier on the phone:

‘Well P, she is not a good dog. Dora is no good as a dog.”

“How can you say that? She has been your loyal dog for a dozen years.”

“She is not a loyal dog, she is barely even a dog. She doesn’t listen to me, she doesn’t let me pet her, she can’t hunt a thing and if burglars come in, Dora will take them right to the silverware, PLUS she dumped me in a canoe!”

“Oh brother.”

“Well, P, I’m sorry but Dora is a disgrace. She is a disgrace to dogdom. Anything she could hunt can kick her ass. A kitten can kick Dora’s ass. A kitten has kicked, Dora’s ass and I don’t mean a big kitten or even a medium kitten. I mean, she’s had her ass kicked by a kitten, kitten, a baby kitten. That dog is a total disgrace, she is no good a being a dog at all.”

“I see.”

“How is the white and tan doing anyway? Give her a pet for me would you?”