I was looking at a chart today, the man had a challenging love profile, it was undeniable. He was older (in his 50′s) and I started to imagine what his relationship life must have been like over the years.Â
It occurred to me his only chance would be that someone opt to love him the way he is.
After that I had a series of thoughts that led me to the one that counts. If your only chance is that someone love you the way you are, then the way you are becomes of paramount importance.
If you spend all your time trying to fix the way someone else is, the way you are rots on the vine, I guess.
25 Responses to “Scoping Venus, Love And Rot”
Venus in Cancer in the 8th. I think the man who loves me now is the first one to love me the way I am. It took me a while to figure out what that was though, so I could find the right person and be who I am with him.
Yes & yes…my Venus is in Taurus, and it was a Taurus that loved me that way…
Is there any other way to love someone or be loved? Venus in Sag in the first. Took me awhile to figure out who I was too (like Lupa). It was worth it. 
Yeah, what other way is there?
Maybe for some people there is less flexibility. I’m very mutable so I can adapt within a relationship to a large degree. On the other hand that adaptability is probably what drove my Taurus first husband crazy so that brings us back to just being loved as you are.
You guys are missing my point.
^*(%$# Saturn in Virgo!
(It’s my fault, I asked the wrong question)
I resolved this by erasing the question which was:
>>>
Have you ever loved someone the way they are? Have you been loved that way? Where is your Venus?>>>
That was a bad question / the wrong question so now maybe I make my point?
is your point that you’d better be the best version of yourself you can be?
Fixing me hasn’t helped either! 
omie – yes. My point is when you are fixing someone over —–> there, trying to make them more attractive you are rotting on the vine, making yourself less attractive.
Someone has to love you the way you are so making the way you are appealing seems a smart way to go.
I think the question that needed to be asked here is, what placements lead to someone loving you as you are? Someone with similar issues? Two Venus Saturns together, for example? Would that work? Does it have to be someone who’s just as “hard” as you, or do you need someone easy?
Unless you’re the type of person who just like to fix things, people. Then you wouldn’t rot as your definition is to fix.
Also some people change. So my husband loved me the way I was when we met, and he still loves me the way I am now, I am not the same person.
I think just basic acceptance, though, is part of what is needed for a relationship to work in general.
I think perhaps it’s Loosing Yourself, that people say happens. I’ve always seen it as just changing.
yeah, i’m just going to be myself today…i mean, i’m really going to be myself today…no rotten tomatoes on this ole vine!! .. .. & if we get in the habit then, looks like jack and the beansprout….that vine is going to reach the sky!! this reminds me in a round about way of a favorite expression….’i ain’t gonna die honey, i’s goin’ to heaven like a shootin’ star’…. Elsa, I hope your client finds that someone to love him just the way he is.
Someone has to love you the way you are so making the way you are appealing seems a smart way to go.
Very Apt!
pretty much. diverting your attention from what you can actually hope to change, that way…
I think we all have the ablitily to love and be loved we just put out the wrong vibes. Those that try to change others just want someone and don’t want to wait till they fit what they way…so they try and change the person….
Could you share anything about this person’s chart? Would love to know what made it a “challenging love profile” to you-
Looking at my chart again, Elsa? 
It reminds me of the nervous bride who was deathly afraid that during the ceremony she was going to fall down and make a fool of herself.
Her minister suggested that during the ceremony she could calm herself by first focusing on walking down the aisle, then focusing on the altar, and then finally focusing on him.
During the ceremony, wedding guests swore they heard her repeating: Aisle altar him, aisle altar him, aisle altar him, aisle altar him, aisle altar him…
Both my ex-wife and I went into our marriage thinking that we could change each other… we were doomed from the start…
Hi Elsa,
I think we attract people who want to change us when we are unsure of ourselves. We all have non-specific hang-ups and fears that we might not be good enough which implies a need to change ourselves somehow….and guess what happens?
I think also maybe sometimes we misinterpret a partners motive – you know they might be someone who loves us for our weaknesses as well as our strengths but we don’t like the idea that they can see and love our vulnerability, so we project our own feelings of inadequacy and the need to change ourselves onto them and accuse them of trying to change us. And all they did was try to love us as we are.
I like that idea so much. You are completely in charge of who you become. Pining and wasting away without love just seems so fruitless, unfun and puny. I am building my life back up (again…ack!), I would not have it any other way. No one is going to save me. Nor do I believe I need saving. This blog spoke volumes, to me. Thank you.
And that reminds me of that great John Prine and Iris Dement duet, “In Spite of Ourselves”.
i always love people the way they are. i’m way too tolerant and i understand everyone around me. you could be a serial killer and i could still droll over you- pisces moon.my emotions are ‘devious’.
as far as it comes to someone loving me the way i am,it s hard to say, cause i am even the things i claim not to be. it s hard for me to verbalise the phenomen.it like i have an initial state- my true self and i can morph in anything i feel the one around me wants (i have venus in cancer in 7th house, i like it or not i always seem to have to please others around me) and still feel that i m true to myself. i m never false in whatever i ‘transform’- neptune conj ASC. i’m not defined. it doesn t really bother me.
still, there are the ones (familly, friends) around me who seem to accept me-i dont know if they love me- as i present myself to them but there wasn t anyone to love me from the opposite sex for whatever i was.- saturn opposite venus
I have an exact natal square between my sun and my saturn. I’m a Libra who was raised by 2 Arieses. It was rough. I managed to marry two men just like my parents. Thanks to Elsa, I now know who will want me for me and who I will want for himself. It’s a lot to do with our Venuses and Mars’… is that it in a nutshell?
….also, making oneself appealing is only possible when you’ve stopped trying to change someone else, but are able to enjoy and love them just the way they are and vice versa??
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probably not. not 100%. I’m sure that there’s always something that I wish was different in the other person even if I’m not entirely aware of it. If not that then I blind myself to what I don’t want to see, which I’ll eventually see down the road at which point it becomes more a reflection about me. If I can accept that in myself then I can probably love the person more too and inch closer toward the 100%… though Love is an unmeasurable mystery. Venus in the 8th.