Speaking of tipping, I am finding this old writing at least at the moment. I don’t really know why other than to mix things up.

This is Scott and I talking about his mother. I have a lot nerve going after his mother seeing as Scott is a Cancer and they are enmeshed but as you know, I do have a lot of nerve.

This was probably around 2001 which means we’d known each other for about 25 years. For newcomers, I met Scott when I was 15 years old and working underage in his mother’s bar. We dated on and off for 17 years before we permanently threw in the towel.

“My mother is a nice person,” he said.

I laughed. “Whaaaat? The hell she is! Your mother is not nice. Jesus, that’s the last thing she is.”

No comment.

“Well look, Scott. It’s not like she’s mean! She’s not mean and she’s not nice. She’s neither of those, she doesn’t even operate in that realm. That’s all I’m saying. She’s a businessperson! She wants shit and she gets it.”

“I think she’s nice,” he said. “My mother is very nice.”

“To who? To cats! She’s nice to cats, I’ll give you that. But she’s not nice to people.”

“Yes she is.”

“Oh for Godsakes, when? When is she nice and to who?  Look. I’m not saying she’s mean. She’s not mean, either.  She’s a business person and a good one. She’s a single mother and she kicked ass! I’m just saying she doesn’t even think like that. Nice and mean.  She has a slot and she fills it.  She hires the person, pays them minimum wage, closes the books when they’re gone.  Nothing wrong with that but it’s not nice for chrissakes.  It’s business. She wants something. Whatever. Say she wants you. She always has, so what does she do? Is she nice? Hell no!  That has nothing to do with it. She figures out what she needs to do to have it the way she wants it and this is what she does. I’ll do this with the piano and it’ll have this affect. That’s what she does.  This is what is driving her.”

“You’re wrong, Elsie.”

“Okay, whatever. She’s your mother. Well, I know. You’re gonna tell me she tips a waitress. Well, no shit! She tips waitresses not because she’s nice. It’s BUSINESS. Yes, she tips waitresses…”

“And she’s nice to them.”

“Oh for godsakes, she could care less about them. You eat your food and you pay for it! You’re cordial in the world! It’s not because she’s nice! It’s because she’s competent!  Look, never mind. She’s a sweetie-pie. Whatever. But I’ve never seen it. Forget about it.  We have different opinions on your mother. Big surprise!”

Next day he emails to say he thought about his mother being nice, and decided I was right.

“I guess you aren’t really nice if it isn’t sincere…”

I laughed my ass off.

Are you nice?