Since most read the Obese Pisces story, I’ll tell you something else sort of queer. I know my life repeats. It just circles around and the same things occur in the same order.

I have great awareness of this personally and while I can’t say for sure, my guess is that other people experience the same thing thought they may not notice it. So here’s the quirky detail.

When I was working in that bar, it was pure show. It was performance art fueled by bravado but when I got off work I would go home and listen to Leonard Cohen, obsessively.

I’d listen to Songs of Love and Hate and Songs from a Room, specifically. Both are pretty morose and I would listen to them over and over and over, lying in the total darkness. It was a far cry from the energy in the college bar. I was really in my own world when I walked off that stage and my world was dark.

I met the soldier about a year and a half later and by then I was no longer listening to Cohen because by then I’d heard it all. I’d exhausted the music and in fact would not listen to Cohen again for 28 years!

But decades later, Cohen came back up. I listened to his stuff… the old the new and the medium new, over and over and over for about a year and a half. This again was prelude to the soldier (re)surfacing in my life.

I think this is interesting on several levels, mostly I just can’t fathom myself listening to that music and then going to work the way I did but here’s the thing that has me wondering: The soldier and I are taking the path we opted out of last time – this time we will marry, so what does that mean?

Does it create a new cycle? Do things unfold now as they would have then had we made the other choice? And what about all this death?

I concluded the soldier would be killed if I tried to marry him. He concluded the same thing in his way, 30 years later. That is, he thinks he’d have probably been killed in Special Forces had he been married to me. So where does all this dire energy go? Does it cease to exist because we are old? I don’t see how this could be the case.

In other words, I think my life is going to continue to repeat except this time I will have the benefit of having him in it. So this leaves me asking myself what happened after the Obese Pisces era and after the time I spent with the soldier. It should surprise no one to learn I was thrown right back into hell in fairly short order.

I expect the same to happen in this era but don’t really worry about it. I have hell almost completely mapped and if I run into an area where I lack skills, the soldier can surely fill in and it just makes me wonder what God is up to. In other words, I just don’t think the soldier and I go la, la, la into our old age, though we’d like that.

On the contrary, I think we are heading into a time where every skill we have, separate and in tandem will be necessary and when you are talking about people with skills like ours… well this stuff just gets my attention in an eyes wide open fashion.

What do you make of this?