“How’s Candy?” my sister asked.

“She’s good. I like her. She’s all happy, she’s Candy. She’s just her regular Candy self,  she’s perky.”

“You’re going to take her to the mall?”

“Yeah, what should I do?”

“Well to tell you the truth we’re laughing our asses off  about it over here. The blind leading the blind and big breasted trying to shop.”

“I know, I know. What should I do?” (swearing below the break)

“From what you told me there is not much you can do. Try to cover them up, I suppose.  Dracula knows what he’s doing, what did he say?”

“Same thing.  Just less skin. He’s trying to have her not look like she lives in a trailer park because she’s really not the type. She’s a Virgo for Godsakes. It really doesn’t suit her to have her breasts out.  Plus her personality. She’s very sweet and her voice is pure class. I like her. There is really nothing not to like, she’s just young. It’s like she’s got no parents or something.”

“Well she’s got parents now. She’s got you and him and I must say she knows how to pick ‘em.  Got to be something in that chart besides Virgo and Cancer to attract the likes of you two,” she said. I could hear her take a drag on her cig.

“Yeah, I guess but we both genuinely like her. She’s busting her ass trying to make a living and then she goes out and sings because she knows she can sing and she probably thinks her breasts will get her attention but it’s her voice that stuns. God, she sings beautifully, you wouldn’t believe it. I guess she would like to have breast reduction but she wants to have kids and be able to nurse them so she said she would probably do that after.”

“Oh God, another earth mother,” my sister said with a groan. “What’s wrong with you people? You wouldn’t catch me dead walkin’ around with breasts like that. I’d be right at the doctor’s door, touche! I’d be over there in the middle of night banging on his door, get these motherfuckers off my chest!”

I snorted.  “I think she’s a little more ambivalent but I will be sure to tell her your opinion.  I think she likes having them to an extent. They do attract men,” I said.  “There are men who slobber over her.”

“Those aren’t men, those are babies.’

“Yeah, well right now we’re just trying to get her a singing gig so do you have some shopping advice or no?”

“Just try to cover them, dark colors so we can see her face. Does she have a pretty face?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then, off to the mall with the songbird with three parents and don’t ask!  I’m her third parent. Fuckin’ Cancer, she’s sucked us all in. Is her face a baby face?”

“Yes.”

“Oh God, I knew it.  Well Elsa, what can I say? Cover the boulders and call me back!”

to be continued.