Neptune And Perception: Strength, Weakness, Projection And Crap!
Commenting on the comments
Jessica writes:
“And I read your above comment about how can people possibly be jealous of you, due to Mosta, and the only thing I can think of is it’s because you shield that part of your life because it’s so painful…”
Jessica, thank you. That is some explanation. Though I imagine this is not understood as people very close to me only come to understand it after a good deal of time – I really have no perspective on how I might be seen. I just cannot track this for a variety of reasons but it sure seems to me there is a enough pain on this blog, it should be hard to ignore unless you’ve some motivation.
See I think there is pain here because when there is not pain here, people email me and ASK that I spill some blood on my blog so someone must have some awareness. However, I do see your point. People focus on whatever and if you want to see me as a, and b and c, you will no doubt be able to. But as far as I am concerned it’s like looking at a whole woman and focusing on her thick thighs and if you can’t see the whole person whose problem is that?
I think a bully is a bully and who does a bully pick on but someone they think they can beat? I would argue the people who attack me absolutely see my weakness. What they fai to see is my strength or more succinctly… what they fail to see is their own weakness which is virtually impossible to do when focused on mine.
There is another angle too. Crap all over me, I’m not real. I’m just the person who produces your entertainment every day. How strange this hall of mirrors!
8 Responses to “Neptune And Perception: Strength, Weakness, Projection And Crap!”
Thank you, Cassi, that is very sweet and very much appreciated. And I was thinking about this today… you’ve been reading long enough to have some awareness – and there has been a posse out to hang my ass since I was 5 years old. Can you believe that?
Did you read Bonnie’s (Parker) poem. “Blame it on Bonnie and Clyde…”
Anyway, I think this is just the way it is but saying something… well I know for a FACT if someone doesn’t get this now TODAY there is a good chance they wake up in 10 years and say, “That damn Elsa P, I believe I should have said something to her…” Or not as the case may be.
Anyway, thanks Cassi. I soldier on. 
I think it’s the same way that people can ogle a car wreck or pay a ton of money for a picture of someone at the lowest point (aka Britney Spears or Nick Nolte) and go tsk, tsk. I don’t envy you….it’s been a hell of a ride…but I rejoice that you and the soldier have each other, it gives me hope.I love to picture Vid and the Soldier on the couch scratching their bellies and demanding food and pillows. I grieve for Mosta and Vid and you and the soldier for the loss of those dreams, but I’m so thankful to have had a small piece of your daughter through Mosta quotes and her beautiful smile that shows through her eyes in every picture. How anyone can attack is beyond me, but I know it is real..I hear your pain and know that it is real.
So I thank you for your courage and your tenacity, it means more than you will ever know.
Yeah, Mosta quotes. Those were the days so full of promise. It has been a long VERY FUCKING HARD FALL into hell.
If you weren’t there when I was posting those quotes then I guess you’ll never know which is another theme of late… 
Yeah, Lupa and the people like you who were are kind to me almost across the board.
I posted more about this here:
I came in on the very tail-end of the Mosta days, so I don’t know as much about her as I would like. It mystifies me, though, that people can read about what you’re going through now and what you’ve been through in the past and still be nasty. As if you don’t have enough in your life! *eyeroll*
Anyone reading here should be aware of how devoted you are to those around you, how much your family means to you, and how painful losing Mosta is. If they can’t I suppose they’re blind, willfully or otherwise, because most people break in your situation.
You know even though you don’t elucidate totally, I don’t know how anyone can overlook even imagining what it might be like to lose a child. But what do I know?
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Elsa, my heart breaks for you almost daily. I cannot imagine anyone taking low blows yet I know they do. I mention your strength to people who have no idea who/what you are. I pray for you and your fam and hope/know that your posse here does to. I focus on that as I know you focus on getting through another day. My heart swells with thought and words but I just do not know how to place it here. This is my small caring for you. Very small but very loyal and sure.