“Why do people do this? Is it an insecurity? I would think if they are criticizing your relationship when you are obviously happy, then they must be jealous. I have just gotten rid of several people in my life who are toxic like this. And, I do not miss their friendship…”
Lisa, what a great question. I talk to my friends about this a lot because it happens to me so frequently. Jealousy is one explanation but we have come up with some others. First, I don’t necessarily think the attacks are conscious. It’s very hard to tell. A person pointing out a flaw may actually think they are doing a service and not perceive their comments as an attack. It may be a pure lack of boundaries. On the other hand it could be completely malicious but designed to look otherwise.
My friend, satori had an interesting angle. She thought that some people want to appear especially intelligent or insightful by coming up with some angle no one else has thought of, even if the angle doesn’t exist except in their imagination. You know. 3 + 7 + 2 = 40 as anyone with any brains can plainly see. ::smiles::
Personal to me, or rather to us, there are some people who don’t like the soldier for any number of reasons, starting with the fact he is a soldier. So whatever is written is going to be twisted to fit the mold – “The soldier is an asshole”.
This same thing happens with me. If someone has me pegged as a whatever… person with an anger problem, control freak, insecure neurotic.. whatever it is that more likely describes them, then they are going to see this pathology in everything I write.
Now I have some other thoughts but here is my favorite theory: Some of these people are completely conscious and they want to provoke me by design. They simply want their ass kicked. They want to feel the edge of my knife and they don’t care what it costs them and there are any number of reasons why this might be.
For example, if I pound some man down, he just go himself a free session with a dominatrix! Pretty slick, huh? ::smiles:: Other people just want to be a victim and there are a million and one motivations for that as well.
So these are some of my thoughts – can you add anything? Here’s the original video, Gaslighting and if you can’t see it the premise… the facts in the case are this: Everyday I write about how much I love the man I with, how much he loves me and how happy I am.
People leave comments criticizing me, him or the both of us. They tell me what is wrong with us, sad about us, what we ought to fix or worry about… now why do you think they do it?