Two months ago, I glanced at the soldier. “There is snot on you,” I said.

“There is?” He got something and wiped his nose. “Nice of you to say something. I’d not have said anything if it were you.”

“What? You’d let me walk around with snot hanging out of my nose? Jesus Christ! I bet you would. You’d let me leave for the gym with snot hanging out.”

He stared.

“You’d do that?’

“Well yeah. You think I want men after you, trying to pick you up, P?”

I’d have argued but it would not have done any good – he’s going to what he wants.

Today, I was running out on an errand and I saw him smile wide as I was leaving. “What? Is there something on me? Is my lipstick crooked? Snot? What? What are you laughing at?”

“I’ll never tell,” he said smugly. I left.

Half hour later…

“Too bad you won’t tell me my lipstick is a mess,” I said.

“Well P, as I have told you I don’t want you to have any other men.”

“Well I’ve got news for you. I attract men like this… with my quirkiness. They see me with my lipstick crooked and they think they’re going to fix me. They think I am a diamond in the rough and probably damned interesting. They are more attracted than ever. Who is that freaky woman? That’s what they say and then they chase me in droves because I need something. I need them to fix me up and you know how badly men want that…”

On that, I left the room. I betcha anything he’s considering this.