I’m just off the phone with satori. I had about 3 minutes to talk, this Astro News has really got me working non-stop as all of the fixes keep breaking. Not that it’s not worth it, because it is worth it and I was telling her about all this work I am doing. I am profoundly tired but it has less do the busy work then it is the Pluto transit to my Moon. It is just exhausting to process things at this level. I am not sure I can describe it other than to say that things keep happening.

Today I got bad news regarding my daughter. It was not new news, it’s the same news I have been getting for awhile but the news is so bad, I would like to quit getting it. It’s like no matter what or who does the math, everyone comes up with “10″ and “10′ is the worst case scenario!

But the calls keep coming because it is various people’s job to make them…. the calls are rarely expected so they come like feelings you would rather not have. I am forced to deal in the moment and worse with the aftermath which typically is just emotional exhaustion but here’s the thing:

I do all this stuff from about 5 in the morning until 9 at night and then tell the soldier the day has been difficult. I then go into whatever my emotion might be at the time and I am always surprised because he is always surprised. Apparently I seem fine. You know. He comes home, I make dinner…. we do whatever with Vid and I think this is so funny because how in the hell could I be fine?

But that’s my (legendary) poker face for one and also speaks to the nature of Pluto Moon transits in general. No one can see what is going on. It’s like a seed in ground or a fertilized sperm in a uterus. Doesn’t look like much but holy cow, the power.

To credit the soldier I don’t have to say much. “She’s my daughter,” I say and he nods.  He’s been through this himself you know. He’s the one who told me that you never get over it. He says you just learn to live with it and I am sure he’s right.