I have a strong Saturn / Neptune signature in my chart. It is chronically and constantly in play… I have to cope with a constantly appearing and disappearing reality as as attuned and aware of this as I may be, sometimes things happen that truly boggle.

Saturn rules fear and mixed with Neptune (Saturn in Pisces, Saturn in the 12th, Saturn and Neptune in aspect, Saturn in the 10th etc.), hologram fear is always part of the picture.

On the flip side a person will deny or erase their fear and it is quite a phenomena when you witness it up close.  The veil lifting that is. The veil that separates a person from reality, that is.  Last night I was lying in bed with the soldier, chatting.

“Squash me like a bug,” I said.  “Oh no. You could squash me like a bug if you wanted to.”

“No, I can’t squash you like a bug,” he said raising his eyes upward.

“I saw that! I saw that thing with your eyes. You can squash me like a bug,” I exclaimed.

“P,” he said, lifting one of his arms off the bed and glancing at it. “Yeah, probably. I could probably do something.”

“Oh my God!  Well what is to stop you?”  All the sudden it was apparent to me there was no separation at all.  ‘What is to stop you from squashing me like a bug? Nothing. I don’t think I like this. I liked it better when I could beat you leg wrestling.”

“Well you can still beat me leg wrestling. My legs are no good.”

I looked at him smiling but wary. I knew I was in the land of crazy.  “No I can’t.  You aren’t going to let me do that – You’re going to use that arm and squash me. You could.”

“P!  P, what has got into you. I won’t even give you a massage. I told you I would not massage you because I am afraid I will break one of your bones and you’re just finding this out?”

“Yeah, I think I am.”

“Oh brother. We better have sex.”

‘Yeah. Yeah, okay, that might help.”