What Do We Teach Boys About Girls (And Love) In 2008?

boys_camp_011.jpgAnother manifestation of Saturn in aspect to Mars (Teach the boy)

“Well he’s not kissed a girl yet,” the soldier said regarding my son.

“Yeah, I guess not. He’s 9. He just turned 9.”

The soldier shrugged. “When he asks me about it, I’m going to tell him,” he said.

“Tell him what?”

“Tell him not to kiss just any girl. I’m going to tell him to wait and kiss the girl he really likes.  The one that makes him feel something.  I am going to tell him to make sure he is kissing a girl he has feelings about, he should go with the feelings.”

Later we were talking about my blog and how he thought he was perceived by the people who read this blog…

“No, I don’t think that’s it,” I said. ‘Take the kissing thing you told me earlier re: Vidroid.  That is a revolutionary thing to tell a boy these days. No one does that. It is just not what they tell boys at all.”

kiss2_span.jpg“Well why not? What has it come to, P?  What is wrong with this world? Are you supposed to kiss the girl you don’t like? It wasn’t like that when we were growing up. You kissed the girl you liked, not just any girl you could find. It’s like I knew you and then went into Special Forces which is the same as being locked in a closet. I’ve been living in the jungle my whole life and then I get back and I don’t know what the hell is going on. What’s happened to our world where you’d kiss the girl you don’t like?  Why would anyone want to do that, it makes no sense.”

“Yeah, they don’t tell boys that for sure. They pretty much tell them not to get the girl pregnant for the most part. Screw whoever, just avoid having a problem because of it. No one bothers to tell them much else. Go out and get all you can, just make sure there are no consequences. I don’t know that love even enters into the equation when people talk to boys. I am glad you are going to tell him this because he is liable to listen to you and I tell him every day that love and relationships are the only thing in the world that matter to me. Between the two of us he’s going to be looking pretty good as is the girl he likes whoever she is. I think he is going to be happy in love. It’s more than most can say.”

What do we teach boys?

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What Do We Teach Boys About Girls (And Love) In 2008? — 26 Comments

  1. I think in general we tend to teach boys that they are the “prize” that every girl is trying to win. I stopped dating when I realized most of the males I was interacting with thought that. I decided to wait till I found someone who knew that love was the prize, and it was something you won WITH someone, not OFF someone.

  2. Boys are raised so differently it makes me realize how important someones history is when you meet them. Two people who were taught totally different things are going to be TOTALLY different.
    Two people who are taught the same are going to be alot more similar. I think there are so many factors to consider when raiseing boys, you have to think about what kind of men you want them to be in this world. Do you want to raise boys who are going to use you and lose you , or boys that are going to have a genuine respect for all people including women. I mean relationships are two way streets.

  3. It’s strange. Most men/boys are awkward and lonely without a girl to snuggle, but then when they get into relationships, and as soon as there’s that ‘EUREKA!’ moment when they realize the girl is hooked…they get that nasty, Grinchy sort of grin and sit back thinking they’ve got it all in the bag. No more trying, no more worries, she’s going to stay forever.

    Of course, this is my experience.

    They don’t like it when I knock ‘em upside the head and go ‘if you can’t participate in a relationship, you don’t get one’. Then they move on to the next girl, waiting for the next eureka, so they can stop participating again. Vicious cycle.

  4. ON a different note, Libras can be subtly controling. I have Libra rising and have hit some ice patches in Karma with this sign.

  5. oh yeah, Lexie– looking for the “prize” and not the love.

    I did run into that too, someone who saw me as a prize and not a person. whether the other person wants to put you on a pedastal (even temporarily) or climb up there themselves, pedastals interfere with creating something real.

  6. to use a metaphor created by Kahlil Gibran– men and women can BE the pedestals to mutually support something worthy of elevation. he also said there was an optimum distance to be had between them which bore the most weight.

  7. It’s funny you used that picture for this post, Elsa. That soldier and the nurse didn’t actually know each other when they kissed, he just grabbed her and laid a fat one on her. Immediately after it was taken, she slapped him across the face. Supposedly.

  8. @ comment #6 by Elsa: Hahahahah, that’ll teach ya!

    At the first comments: I’ve been interested in a guy for at least a year now. We’ve been “sort of intimate” once, a few months back. This guy could have had me. Honestly. (Actually the opportunity has been there more than once) But he didn’t. Even though I later felt rejected, I have come to realize that it’s not just about the act for him. Or looks. (btw, we’re both scorpio’s and my venus is in scorpio!) I respect him more now, and do feel like he is someone that i would like to be in a relationship with, because of his self-control, values, etc. LOL, I’m still working on him, and he’s still interested…..

    At your entry (and the soldiers), Elsa: Wow, thanks so much for that! I have a son, (guess what? he’s turning nine next month!)(wow, i keep finding more and more things in common) and I hadn’t really thought about the talk from that aspect. I might just let him read that post. I think he’s going to be coming up to that stage of getting interested in girls, pretty soon. Kind of an eye-opener, and good to hear it coming from a man! Thanks soldier, as well!

    P.S. sorry for the long post :o)

  9. NO actually its not subtle at alll… I think i would hate this sign because of it, I don’t know how they get away with it and still claim they “love” you, if I did’nt have(respect)libra myself.

  10. I guess in a way I wan’t to blame my foibles on somebody. But i guess what i am trying to say is that i feel like we really need to create a world in which there is true equal opportunity for both men and women. I have seen way to much pain involved between the two not to feel this way. Men are like tadpoles women are like tubers.

  11. my son thinks girls are these sort of fairy-like creatures he’s supposed to “save.” even though he watches shows with girls who kick A$$ (and he likes them.)
    not that he doesn’t play with them, but he’s starting to get this idea that they’re some other kind of species. he’ll say “kids and girls” and i have to explain that girls are kids too… hopefully when he gets to school and spends more time with other kids in general some of that will clear up. but maybe it will get worse? i don’t know….

  12. LOL, yeah, Des, i’m gonna run right out to the nearest pond and check out the tadpoles! hahaha

    even using my imagination, i’m coming up dry….
    one turns into a plant, the other a frog? one moves, the other is still? one has stuff coming off the bottom, the other the top? :o)

  13. Any Libra I’ve ever known was either extrememly laid-back in relationships or extremely controling, and they weren’t even trying to be subtle about it. One extreme to another I tell ya, never encountered one somewhere in the middle.

  14. Something else I think we teach boys is that girls are delicate and need to be taken care of. This is a hero fantasy and misguided chivalry, more about making men feel strong rather than treating a woman with respect knowing she is fully capable of taking care of herself.

  15. Mary R– I think I see what you’re saying. that it might be about boys being “better” than girls? of course I would disagree with that. I like boys being taught to be protective of girls, and of course anyone who needs their protection, boys or girls. but in our current society girls are more at risk.

    everyone can be a hero, boy or girl. being a hero is a good thing. in my opinion if the motives are not good, say for dominance, then that’s not chivalry. and I’m all for chivalry.

  16. Satori I loved this comment: love was the prize, and it was something you won WITH someone, not OFF someone. How beautifully stated…and so true.

    Lexie – ‘if you can’t participate in a relationship, you don’t get one’. YES. This thing requires effort, work, participation from both people all the time. The “eureka” moment is an illusion, where do people get the idea that they’ve crossed some kind of finish line and can stop working? When you don’t put in effort, at best, love remains stagnant, at worst…it leaves. But when you take care of it, it expands and keeps growing – and it supports you.

  17. Hi Satori,
    Your point about teaching boys to be protective of anyone, not just girls, is key. Teaching men that girls rely on them for protection because of female’s inability to take care of themselves, leads men to do what they think is right for women instead of asking the woman what she needs for herself. What you end up with are women with a weaker sense of self-reliance/confidence than if society would teach young men to search for and honor women’s strength.

    We also perpetuate the myth of needing to be saved by, as Mick Jagger would say, “a knight in shining armor coming to your eemotional rescue” rather than teaching men to listen and help her find her own strength. (same goes for women too actually… listening and helping him find his own strength rather than coddling)… but, perhaps I digress :)

  18. Hahahah, thanx Rox (still laughing). I’m having the hardest time with this guy. It’s the old one step forward, two steps back. If I wasn’t a Scorpio myself (and I’m sure there are other stubborn, don’t give up signs in there as well), I would have definitely given up ages ago.

    Ahh, but the way he looks at me……… LOL

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