Dear Aries,

You have articulated your situation beautifully and I wonder if you have tried to tell your mother exactly what you just told me. Your post is balanced, it is fair, and it is full of love yet firm.

I would go as far as to say that anyone who can write and think like this is well equipped to parent so the first thing I’d suggest is you go over just exactly what it is you’re saying to your mother that might be triggering her. Are you in some kind of negative pattern, both yelling at each other? If this is the case, perhaps you can write her. And to answer your specific questions…

You can show her your love and appreciation by asking her to relinquish control to you rather than demanding it, because she’s got an investment now too. You can also thank her for being there and for stepping in, but explain that in order for you to completely heal you have got to resume your place as the mother in your son’s life.

Now as far as money goes, I hope you are using yours because if you are using hers… it complicates the situation. If this is the case and is a factor here, I would work very hard to become independent – because it is not fair you call the shots and another person finance them.

Last, do I think you can fix this? Absolutely for the reasons described in the first paragraph up there.

Good luck.

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