Finished with that phase we went back out to the waiting room to wait to be called to see the doctor. I tried not to think about Sadisimal John but it was hopeless.

Sadisimal John was a rich guy I dated during one of my break-ups with the soldier. His father was an oral surgeon and I don’t know what else but this family had gobs of money. It was a family of four where both children were adults, but they had 3 maids and I could never figure out why.

Sadismal John was in his fifth year of his third college. He had a tendency of being expelled for low grades but he told me it was no problem because his father had endless money and he was confident that he would find a way to buy him a degree eventually. I pitched in as well. I just couldn’t stand the waste so I took to doing Sadisimal John’s homework and the next thing you know he was getting A’s.

“How do you know this stuff?” he asked.

“Sadisimal John, this is common sense,” I said.

Sadisimal used to “borrow” one or the other of his father’s pristine vintage sports cars for our dates (he had a fleet of them) and while I have Venus in Leo and liked the chariot effect, I’d have never dated this guy had I not called him a “rich prick” the night I met him and had him agree with me. Sagittarius, can you tell?

In whatever case I dated him for awhile then went right back to the soldier and his $312 a month salary because mostly I was a gal looking for a good time and even with all those resources the soldier had this guy beaten on all fronts hands down. True then, true now.

So I thought of Sadisimal John who got his name because he repeatedly used the word “sadisimal” and I had no idea what he was talking about until eventually one of my friends figured out he was meaning to say “medicinal” which caused us to laugh for 20 minutes and tag him “Sadisimal John” into eternity. And here’s the thing:

We used to go in his father’s office at night and help ourselves to the laughing gas. And I felt sorry we ever did that because now look. Now I am in the office of an oral surgeon and this is serious stuff.

I thought about how these paths were crossing yet again and I also thought of my son because we were getting close now. Any minute the soldier was going to be called back and the doctor (who may or may not have sports cars) was going to look in his mouth and know immediately what his fate was. I thought I should or would like to go in the office with him but did not want to seem mother-y or smother-y because I didn’t think the soldier would like that. He might, I wasn’t sure. I also wasn’t sure if I would like it so I told him I had to pee.

“If they call you back and then someone wants me and I’m not here that’s where I’ll be. In the restroom.” I figured if he wanted me to come with him he’d tell me to go pee in advance but he didn’t so I figured that was that. I told him I was feeling a little shaky and he told me it would be okay.

“Yeah, I know,” I said, meaning it. Meaning it where he and I were concerned but my son? That was different story.

My son was born to pain. He has suffered losses that are staggering, mostly due his sister and so have I but hey. I’m an adult. Not only that, I’m an adult with faith, and experience that supports me but what’s he got? He’s 8 years old!

So what if the soldier moves in with us then dies, hmm? And what if he suffers? Or what if he does not suffer? What if he is just there… and then gone?

What will my son witness the soldier go through and what will he see his mother go through hmm? Is my son destined to do nothing but watch his mother care for the sick? When is it his turn? Does he get one? Where is God when it comes to my son? Would God do this to my kid?

I shook my head because I know damned well the universe can and will crush you for 15 years or more if this is your fate. I know it because it happened to me and who are we talking about here, my son? I quit thinking along this line because it brought no comfort. I was hard core sticking with my original 50/50 odds and thinking exactly this when the nurse came out calling the soldier. We glanced at each other before he stood and followed her back. I waited 30 seconds and then went down the stairs to the restroom glad to be moving. Jupiter types always feel better in motion – Always.

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