The Moon is in Scorpio and earlier today it set off my natal Venus Neptune square flooding me with emotion…

“All my songs are morbid,” the solider said. “The songs I write?

“Yeah? Why?”

“Because I’m just like you,” he said, pointing at the computer. “I can only write exactly what I feel.”

Earlier today -

“You get something up there?” he asked referring to my blog.

“No. No, I can’t do it. I can’t just put something up there, it has to be real and actual. I mean, it can be anything but it can’t be fabricated. It has to be authentic, I have learned that as long as I keep this standard I don’t have to worry about what I write. I can write whatever I want and if anyone asks I can say, yeah I wrote that. I wrote it and here’s why. But the minute I put something up there that is fake, I’m in trouble so I am afraid people will just have to wait. Because look at this. Look at what’s happening here. Too much is going on to try to convey.”

“What?”

“Well I have to find out if you have cancer for starters but never mind that. I am not really thinking about that right now, I will think about that when I have to, if I have to but it is in my mind. I am not ignoring it but mostly at the moment I am thinking about all your stuff coming out of that truck. You have no idea what this is like for me. No one could imagine. No one could possibly see this the way I do.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I knew you when you got this idea. You had one stripe and you were going to do all this stuff. You were going to do this and this and this and this. You were up on your toes telling me all about it. You were howling about all this and look. You did it! And I knew you did this already because you told me. Remember 2003? Did you make it into Special Forces? I asked you that and you said, yes I did. Hmm. Is he lying or did he really get in there? Well you’re not lying and hearing all these stories was something but now I see all this stuff. The artifacts, I guess? Here they are, they are everywhere.”

He laughed.

“Yeah, they are everywhere. There is the newspaper clipping. There it is, you are best soldier in the world. You did every thing you said you were going to do and it’s just astonishing. I mean there is the green beret. You told me you were going to get one of those and now here you are and there it is. This stuff is overwhelming. It’s hard to explain. You would have to be my 18 year old self to know what it feels like to see all this and see it all at once. For you, it’s been around and accumulating your whole life but for me it’s a landslide. There is just no way to tell you how I felt when I heard you go on back then. You were so ambitious and now I see this stuff come off the truck and I’m drowning in it, in what you did with your life. This is an exquisite experience, never mind that you’re back in the first place and boy is it familiar. It feels exactly the same today as it did way back. I always was happy whenever you came back. I was relieved.”

“Me too. Always glad and happy as shit.”

“Yeah, I know. So now we land for about the millionth time it seems like and it’s a little much for me to know where to start. What can I say? What am I supposed to write that makes any sense. I say let’s get this stuff out of the truck. Just move in I guess. You know how, right? You must, you’ve done it enough times.”

We laughed.

“Try not kick me out this time, P.”

“No, no I won’t. Those days are gone. I am absolutely not going to be doing that again. Anyone waiting for that is going to be waiting a very long time. They will be old and gray, I’m not going anywhere. This time, no.”