Astrology And Secrets – It’s Neptune Again, Various Other Sundries: Elsa P Attempts To Explain

cohenDina writes:

“I definitely noticed your keeping your life secret from the blog, Elsa. You keep saying that difficult things are going on in your life but never really talk about them. Plus you keep your music tastes secret. I remember the reason you gave for that. It’s because it’s precious to you right?

I know it’s kind of trivial and unfeeling to say it but.. I’m curious about what you’re keeping secret! :I’m especially curious about your past and your book.”

Dina – our perceptions are so different. I talk about my life non-stop on this blog. I keep some things secret (or private) for a variety of reasons which generally speaking, I reveal.

For example, as far as my daughter goes, there is her privacy to protect (my son’s privacy as well). I have explained people are negatively impacted (injured) by the details of this story. I have also explained that telling forces me to stay in the story. I have to relive it as I tell it when what I need most is relief.

So what I do is write events surrounding the event. Things I think people can benefit from that also benefit me. For example, that first video about amputating, I have watched several times because at some point in there, I state I am trying to “get from here to there”. I turn that thing on and when see myself say that it helps me center and stay focused.

Regarding my past, I have written about it (publicly) extensively. That book is more than 600 pages long and contains a very small percentage of what I have written about my childhood and younger life. It was supposed to be published and the reasons it has not been are unbeknownst to me and simply don’t concern me at this time.

saturnIf they start to concern me, I will do something about it but at the moment as hard as I worked on it, that book is completely irrelevant to me probably because I am forward focused and it seems in my past. But if it does ever get out there, you will see that I write about my past in the same way I write about everything else – the story just gets told.

But I don’t think you’ll like it because it is just like this blog in that as candid as I am, a person is left with questions and there is not a thing I can do about it. Should I write a 1600 page book? Would 2600 pages do it? Um… no. I will not be alive long enough to tell my story. There are not enough hours in a day or years in a life – this is just the way it is.

As for my tastes in music and movies, I am sensitive about it. I have that Venus Neptune and these things are inordinately important to me. Unfortunately the way people take shots at me is nothing new and I have learned to hide (Neptune) this stuff as a defense (Saturn). Believe it or not, I prefer not to be shot full of holes when I can avoid it.

“I like Leonard Cohen.”

“Why do you want to listen to that morose bastard?”

“Er… never mind.”

I am a Saturn / Neptune type and cannot defend. I cannot defend against the blunt trauma a comment like that causes a person like me, so I transcend and/or hide and to do otherwise would be masochistic. Am a masochist? ::snorts: I am not.

neptune My work (Saturn) is to inspire (Neptune on the midheaven) and this would not be achieved if I operated in another fashion. For example, if you came to my blog and found a bulleted list of facts and events it would not be the same, would it?

Last, there is a core reason I keep every secret I keep which applies in instances and it is this: I don’t have time.

I don’t have time to tell the soldier I am watching blah blah movie and then have the 11 hour conversation that would result. When we were kids I did not tell him I was underage because it would have led to another question and then another which would have led to another and another and another until our lives were consumed.

I can’t help it that my life is like this. I can’t help that this is an irresolvable problem… for good or ill. It is for good I am inexhaustible. It is for ill I am inexhaustible.

::shrugs::

I have been like this since I was 8 years old, do you know that? Well now you do. I am like this because I am like this. I am like this because this is how the dice landed so what should we do? Ask for a re-throw?

Do you keep secrets? Why?

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Astrology And Secrets – It’s Neptune Again, Various Other Sundries: Elsa P Attempts To Explain — 17 Comments

  1. I keep secrets. I do this because my grandparents that loved me just because I existed are dead and gone. That leaves me with people that expect me to be and act a certain way. I think that if I am myself I will be abandoned for it. Why do I think this? Because I hear how they talk about themselves and others.

  2. Secrets my ass. I think its more a matter of people realizing that if I choose not to share something with them that means its none of their G-D business. Oh, and Merry Christmas. :)

  3. Secrets?! I have lots of secrets being a 12th House person with lots of Scorpio! And there are other people’s secrets shared in confidence, those will go with me to my grave unless I’m given permission to share.

    Tam?! I get the “talk about themselves & others” . . . it’s a source of sorrow, isn’t it.

    Yes, Merry Christmas and haaapppyy new year!!! :)

  4. Actually, I feel the other way round about you: I think you’re overexposed here (I’m not saying that’s bad – I think it’s part of what you’re trying to do – but it’s certainly risky).
    And your exposure doesn’t come from the number of facts you present (those would be useless), it comes from your self-disclosure here and, in my opinion, that’s the most exposed a person can get.

    With a 12th house Moon and lots of Scorpio, I’m super-secretive. Nobody knows me. I don’t keep secrets to keep people guessing. I’m just afraid.

    Merry Christmas, Elsa :)

  5. I have Uranus, Pluto and Mars in my 12th. I am so secretive that I keep my friends, family and work colleagues in different compartments. I’ve had friends for over 20 years who have never met each other, some who don’t even know about each other. If all these people got into one room and talked about me, they would be shocked at all the discrepancies they have about me. Also, I can’t afford to have some people discover things about my life that others do not know. Like Joana, I’m afraid. And I admire Elsa’s self-disclosure. I could never write a blog–unless I gave myself permission to include fictionalized stories, keeping the truth to myself. With Pluto and Mars squaring Mercury, Moon and Venus, I need my privacy! Funny enough, everyone tells me their secrets–even though I don’t want to hear them!

  6. Merry Christmas, Elsa!

    I keep the confidences of others, and the odd tiny little inoffensive secret of my own, which nobody would be interested in anyway. It’s not possible to be a completely open book – and it’d be boring, both for ourselves and onlookers.

    And we can’t have BORING – not ever! (Aquarius Sun, Aries Moon)

  7. I keep secrets… And i love leonard cohen :)

    I have venus square neptune and saturn… And saturn opposes my neptune..(Venus in the 12th)

    I am realizing that i don’t realize how… ephemeral and slippery i am….

    As a new reader to your blog, i have not read the whole thing yet, but yes you do seem mysterious to me…yet at the same time open and out there. And you are always smiling in those videos…

    In my next life i’d like some libra rising energy….

  8. I am not a Libra rising – just FYI. I am a Capricorn rising (not a Capricorn Sun, like someone just mentioned in an email). More smoke!
    I hope the smoke is blue. Is it blue? ::smiles::

    Someone told me that blue smoke made people love me. ;-)

  9. Hmm, maybe I should explain. You do talk a lot about your life on the blog and I don’t want a bulleted list, I love the way you tell stories. There are just topics you mention and occasionally tell about that I want to know more about like your being homeless at 15 which I can recall you writing about in detail maybe 4 times, but I could be wrong. Or about your mom and dad, how your childhood was hard, and I’m always waiting for a story about that like the ones you tell about the soldier. It’s kind of like, depending on when someone catches up to you and whether they know how to use archives, they will know about Henry or they won’t because you aren’t writing about him that much now except for the reincarnation post. Your posts on the blog seem calm and don’t really relate to your life which you keep saying is turbulent. Sometimes I forget that unless someone in your story mentions that the life you’re living right now is difficult. It’s like how you smile in your videos. Maybe I’m just sad that I didn’t start reading you when you were blogging about your childhood, being a Frito girl, and stuff like that. It’s not that you keep “secrets,” I guess, it’s just that I have an unquenchable appetite for your stories :-).

  10. I have things I don’t share…at work it is my job to keep people’s secrets secret and private info confidential. I don’t blabber about things and I usually do not like talking about myself. I prefer learning about other people.

  11. Yes, I keep secrets, but I think about it more as intimacy. Certain things are just my own thoughts or process and are for my mind only.

    Plus, for someone to truly understand everything about me would require them to watch the entire movie of my life, which is currently 21,984,480 minutes. Who has the time;)

    I think you, Elsa, really put yourself out there in a cool way. I call you the Oprah of astrology.

    Merry Christmas!

  12. Tam, those people don’t sound like the kind of people I would want to be around. The only reason I would want to be around them is for survival, money, food, etc.

    Sorry, but my Uranus MC won’t stand for that! After I had my fill I would leave those people! People who can’t accept me for who I am aren’t worth my time or caring because in return they don’t care about me either.

    I agree that there is such a thing as being ‘too much yourself’, because if everyone was too much themselves no one would stand each other.

    But I also think that if you act like yourself, and in a controlled and limited way, and they still don’t like you, then those people aren’t really your friends.

  13. Actually Toni the people I was talking about are my family! LOL

    It’s not that they don’t like me, I’m an anomaly that they wouldn’t be accepting of if they were to be shown all of who I am.

    I’m ok with it at my age. At the end of the day, even though I am radically different from them in my thinking, beliefs etc., I still stand on their shoulders. All of who I am and have become is because of who they were/are.

  14. Hmm, I’m only 20, so I guess I still have too much fire in me, ha!

    I guess I have to learn to lessen my ego and learn that not everyone is like me, Lol!

    And Tam, what a nice family you have!

  15. Toni I’m old enough to be your mother! ;-)

    You aren’t supposed to be like anyone and don’t worry about your ego. You are supposed to grow and unfold at your own pace.

    Anytime you think that you aren’t growing fast enough just remember that if you help a baby bird out of it’s egg you will kill it. It is in the struggle of trying to free it’s self that it is made strong enough to live.

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