Regarding the Catholic Mass the soldier took me to a couple weeks ago…

“You didn’t like that priest very much, did you?” I asked.

“Not really. What did you think of him?” he asked.

“I thought he was bloatware.”

“Bloatware?”

“It’s software will all kinds of extra stuff. More than needs be. It’s bloated. I thought that priest was overblown and inflated in every way, so bloatware. And he was Italian too which is the worst kind of bloatware there is because we already think we’re such a big deal. We are already sort of naturally arrogant.”

He laughed. “So you didn’t like him either, huh? What didn’t you like?”

“Yeah, sorry. I thought he was lousy. I wished he’d have been a lot better but he was not. He was not credible, that’s what bothered me the most. For example he contradicted himself over and over and didn’t seem to notice. He did it in the same sentence at times.’

“I know.”

“Yeah, so that takes some grand unawareness. And I knew you didn’t like what he was saying. He said you should be humble and then started bragging. He said you should not insult another faith and then proceeded to insult other faiths.”

“He did insult other faiths and he insulted his own faith too. He insulted other parishes.”

“Yeah, I noticed that. I don’t know how those people in there can stand him. One time, okay but week after week? I’d go crazy listening to that guy. That bloated guy. He’s a pontificating overblown Jupiter figure in astrology. You know. He’s just too much. He’s inflated and you’d think they would leave in droves but there were all kinds of people there. The place was packed.”

“Yeah, well they’re Catholic. And sometimes you get a bad priest but that’s not going to affect your faith. But when you do get a bad one, you’re stuck with ‘em. It’s just like the military. If you don’t like where they send you, that’s too bad. You’re stuck for 4 years, usually. Just got to put up with it.”

“Ugh.”

“What was he doing insulting rich people? Could you believe that, P? That’s the stupidest thing. He’s not supposed to do that. I don’t know what’s wrong with him but that was messed up.”

I shrugged. “He was trying to play to the crowd, I think. Sorry he was so lousy. I know you didn’t want it to be like that. And when he started making up new fangled rules I knew you were really going to go insane.”

“Yeah, I was. But oh well. At least I got you to mass. I was afraid I was going to die without ever taking you. Can you imagine me trying to explain that to God? There’d be hell to pay.”

I snorted and we went on our way.