I was dating this girl for four months before her ex boyfriend moved back home and she went back to him, though it took a while. He is no good to her though. He beats on her and he really disrespects her. She’s 21 years old and she’s been with him for 3 years.
Even though she’s back with him, I know that she still wants to be with me. We still have sex, we still spend time with each other, she still tells me that she loves me.
Even her friends tell me that she wants to be with me, they also tell me that she tells them that she thinks about me all the time but she’s still with him. I love her with all the pieces of my heart and I will never do anything to hurt her. How do I win her over??
Your chart is tragic when it comes to the potential to deny reality and sacrifice yourself in relationship. I understand and appreciate your desire to save this woman and I will even try to help you in your pursuit. But it seems a matter of responsibility, I mention I think you would be better trying to save yourself from being in love with a woman who claims to love and want you, while she sleeps with another man. But enough of the lecture.
This girl you love is definitely in trouble. However there is little you can do but throw your energy down a black hole – until and unless you become willing and able to allow the addict (she is addicted to him and you to her) to hit bottom. Point being, as long as you’re hanging around ready to catch her, there is a virtual guarantee she will stay in her precarious situation so if you want to see change, you are going to have to be the one who makes it.
I recommend you tell her that you love and want her but you can no longer see her if she going to be with another man, particularly one who beats her. Say it once and mean it.
If you can manage this and if you can manage to take your energy off her, she will have a chance as he pulls back his fist to hit her yet again to think, “What the hell am I doing here? Pisces Moon is down the street and he loves me…”
But there will be no chance of this ever happening if you don’t lay down some kind of boundary and stick to it so this is what I advise you do.
And if you attempt this and can’t manage to stick to your guns, I would urge you to get counseling yourself around finding a way to manage your extreme urge to climb up on crosses and hang from them.
Last, I would also recommend you read up on battered woman. Talk to the professionals who work with these women because I used to be a volunteer and I am sure they will tell you in a no frills manner that you absolutely cannot help these women when they don’t want to help themselves.
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