Dear Worried,

You are not “crazy”. You have a mental illness like any other illness and further it happens to be utterly and completely treatable. Now I appreciate your financial situation, however you are ill and absolutely must seek treatment. And I doubt it needs to be long term.

What you are describing can be easily and effectively treated with medication that will alleviate if not eliminate your symptoms and many of the mediations available to treat this sort of thing are very affordable. And with proper treatment, you can have a completely different life and without it, you are going to be screwed; so what do you think you’d better do about this?

Your best option is to see a psychiatrist and if you have to get on some long waiting list to see someone cheaply, then just do it. Or see a family doctor, or go to a clinic… do whatever you have to do to take care of your health because this is what this is. You have a medical condition!!

And Saturn (take responsibility) is transiting your 6th house (health), so you get the picture. Saturn transits always pressure us to clutch it up and solve our problems, so make the call, okay? You and your family deserve it and the universe will always support the right action.

Much love and good luck.

~~
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On other fronts regarding the Pluto transit to my Moon, I learned yesterday, my daughter is still in the running for the study. I can’t tell you how incredible this is. It’s such a small sliver to try to get through and get her in. Odds are maybe… I don’t know. 1%? 2%? Something like that. But so far she’s in, not out. And besides my transit, one of the reasons I think this might happen for her is she has natal Jupiter in Sagittarius trine a 9th house Moon.

So with Jupiter in Sagittarius in the sky, she is having her Jupiter return which indicates travel and expansion, big time. And as a matter of fact, if she makes it into this study, she will be traveling across the country.

And it’s always helpful to look back when trying to determine what might happen when a particular transit comes along and the last time Jupiter was is Sadge, my daughter was a baby and I took her traveling. That’s right. I took her to 9 countries before she was a year old, just her and I traveling alone. The universe sort of just sent us out there, so the odds that we repeat this in some form at this time are very high…

In whatever case, I have my fingers crossed along with my toes and the fingers and toes of my friends, her friends, her teachers and other supporters and you never know. It might just happen!

It’s cool when we find out what happened…

Unhappy Wife married to a bisexual narcissist surfaced to mark her improvement and ask for more input to push her further on her path.

Over Fifty Commitment-Phobic also surfaced. She has taken the challenge and broached the subject of relationship with the man she’s involved with.

Thank you…

Now these men have a T-square in their chart. Their N node is the point that completes the Grand Cross and their N node is conjunct my Mars Mercury conjunction.

So it would be impossible for me to do anything with that Mars Mercury (exercise, talk, write, screw, fight, etc.) without provoking an intense response in either one of them.

And it would be just as impossible for me to not be super, super energized by them, in a Mars Mercury sort of way. Nervous, jerky, hunting, calling, etc. And here’s how it played in real life:

When I met the soldier, I was 17. The apartments pictured are the exact scene of the crime. And I was walking along the ledge there on the 2nd floor heading to my apartment when I passed a neighbor’s place 3 doors down. Being as it was the desert and it was hot, the door was open and my neighbor called out to me… “Hey Elsa!”

A few minutes later I was sitting chatting with the soldier. He was courtly and I was swooning. I was ready to faint from love within a matter of minutes. I was just swirling and I went home about fifteen minutes later. You know. I walked a couple hundred feet or whatever and I got my roommate, a man, and told him to go get this guy for me. I was hyperventilating.

“Hurry!” I said. “Before he gets away!”

“He’ll be back.”

“No! Tonight!!! I want that guy! I want him!”

My roommate, a Scorpio, had the idea I could invite him to dinner and I agreed. “Okay! I’ll cook!” I said, biting my fingernails. “Just hurry, man. Don’t let that guy get away no matter what you do!”

He told me to stop biting my nails and headed down to the neighbor’s apartment to invite the soldier to come to dinner.

“Get the right one!” I yelled at his back.

“Which one?”

“The good looking one, who else? Criminy! The one with the dark hair. The good looking one with the dark hair sitting by the door! Him! Don’t get that other one. Don’t get any other one. Oh brother! Don’t get me the wrong man!” I was squealing.

“Okay!”

“Okay!”

“Get him!”

He waved me off with a big grin and I went inside out apartment and crossed my fingers as tight as I could and started praying.

A couple hours later, my roommate cleared out and the soldier came to dinner. I made spaghetti or something. We were getting along fine until I had some kind of power surge and wound up throwing him out of the apartment. Yes! I told him to get the hell out only to wake up in the morning with heartburn about it.

I ran down to the neighbor’s apartment.

“Er… are those soldiers coming back here?” I asked. I was in a panic.

“Yeah. They’re my friends.”

“When? When are they coming back? Whenever it is, I don’t think I can wait. Can you call them? Like now? Please? Tell them to tell that good looking one that I’m sorry. And I want him to call me…”

Later that day:

Brinnnnnnnnnng! Brinnnnnnnng!

I was sitting on the phone. I was waiting and I knew it was him when it rang. It’d better be or I was going to have to sneak on the base and knock on every door until I found him.

“Hello?” I said.

“I heard you’re sorry about last night,” he said. He sounded nice.

“Yeah.”

“And you wanted me to call?”

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I am. I mean I do. Er… I did. I did want you to call. So hey. How are you?”

::blush::

So that was that. A week later we were living together, thick as thieves. It’s now decades later and I get boxes. So considering this kind of bond, how could I possibly stand next to his astro-twin and not feel something, regardless of his character?

Nodal conjunctions in synastry are very powerful. Have you ever met someone with their planets conjunct your N. node?

skip to Mars and Saturn in aspect Redux

Dear Freaking,

I don’t know what’s going on. There is no way for me to know, but I do know you can fix this – and the way to do this is to make this issue (sex) your focus.

See, your chart is very sexual. You are very sexual. Why else would you be flooded with sexual imagery? So the last thing you want to do is deny this. Absolutely not. It’s like any other fear…

To overcome something like this, you have to master it. You have to get on top it, so it’s not on top of you. And while the path is personal, it’s also universal in that the steps to resolving anything like this are the same. They are Saturnine, that is.

First you have to define the problem, and you’ve done that beautifully in your post. From there you commit to solving it. You decide you’re going to do what you need to do and with this accomplished, you only need follow through.

And if you persevere, you will eventually become very knowledgeable about the very thing that used to cripple you – and at that point, people will seek you out for guidance. And being very competent, you will help them. Pretty incredible, huh?

Look. You’re 19. And what you want is to live an empowered life. And you can’t have that split off from chunks of yourself. So please take the hero’s path. Dig in and discover your sexuality because I guarantee you, it’s in there and it’s awesome.

And don’t be afraid to see an therapist! In fact, I recommend it. You’re going to be an expert, right? So consult!

I read once, I don’t recall where, how some people destined to become great speakers grow up stuttering. It’s as if they know on some very deep level they are going to have to stand in front of large groups and speak and they are terrified. But it’s their destiny to overcome their fear and I would say the fact you are courageous enough to state your problem so plainly as a teenager… well, this puts you in this kind of classification. So this is my advice:

Get your courage up and find out just exactly how sexy you are.

Good luck.

~~
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It occurred to me yesterday, that at the moment, I am surrounded by Taurus and they’re all men. There is my son, my ex who has been close by because of the holidays, the Soldier, the Salesman, and my editor, HQ who has a Taurus Moon!

Am I stable yet??

You meet Taurus when you need to ground and stabilize.

If you look around your orbit, is there a particular sign that is over-represented? Who?

Marly writes regarding the Salesman:

I don’t get it, frankly. When women write you letters about their obsessions with men who are unavailable, you read them the riot act. Then this guy is doing the same thing and you talk about how you understand because of the astrology. Who’s to say that these women who write to you are not similarly compelled by the astrology? And even if they and this salesman are compelled by the astrology, doesn’t there come a point when they all have to say, “You know what, it ain’t going to happen for whatever reason. This person is not available to me right now, let me move on”?

Marly, the women who write me are in pain. They have a complaint. This guy is not asking my advice, or even having a problem. In fact, he’s enjoying himself immensely and perhaps even having the time of his life.

As for his disrespecting my boundaries, I would say that cost him bad. Because the chemistry is there. And if he’d acted in a way that was respectful several months ago, we’d probably be dating right now. But he didn’t! So this is the turn the relationship has taken.

And he’s running his life and I’m running mine. And I don’t know what all he’s doing, but I am studying him. And I am trying to figure out God’s joke, to put this guy on a crosstrainer next to me in the first place, because this is what I do.

And what I don’t do is tell people how I feel they should run their life when my opinion has not been solicited!

So considering that, I think this situation is fine the way it is. And as a matter of fact, it benefits me because I get a better workout when he’s in the vicinity. His chart energizes my Mars, yes? It does. So I am exhilarated by his energy and channel this into my workout… and I am sure he does same. So this is something I was going to write about.

These two men have similar energy but it does not mean they use it in similar ways. The soldier respects boundaries without fail though he’s certainly capable of muscling his way into to anything, anytime, anywhere. And this is the whole point of this thread. To look at two people with like energy and note the similarities (and differences) of how they act (interact) with a control… that is, me!

And it just happens the interaction is very powerful, which is good. Because do we want something limp? Of course not! We’re trying to learn astrology here!

So these men have the same energy, but they are not the same people. They are not interchangeable! One of them is all about integrity and the other… not! But this is irrelevant to the fact I am energized by either of them while they find me compelling. And it is at this point, free will comes into the equation!

skip to Conjunctions to the N. Node in Synastry…

Interesting comments on this thread. I don’t really think the Salesman is crazy. I think he’s compelled. Haven’t you ever met someone and been taken with them? For good or ill?

You may not necessarily that you are enamored. It may be you cross paths with someone and you just loathe them.

And why this is could be up for debate, past lives, etc. But one thing for sure, it shows up astrologically in a way that is impossible to miss.

It’s sort of the like chicken and the egg. If you put the charts together and you have a chicken, there is going to be an egg when these people meet! And if you have an egg when you meet someone, if you look at the charts, you will see the chicken.

Have you ever been absolutely stuck by someone? What happened?

skip to comments on the comments…

Dear Two,

I doubt you’ll like this all that much, but I am trying to help you the only way I know how. First, this guy did not keep you hanging on for a year. You kept you hanging on for a year. Second, the Virgo’s motives are not what I would call “ulterior” – but yours are.

The Virgo is a drunken, self-centered, lying loser who feeds off anyone foolish enough to allow it. This is pretty straightforward. The Pisces is dialed in. And you?

Well you started out a victim when the Virgo lied about being married and gave you the STD, but you are now a willing participant. And if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to get caught and killed for sure and here’s what I mean by that:

The Virgo is a pure sink. What in the world can he possibly offer? Nothing. And if you engage with him, you will wind up leaning on the Pisces for support and sustenance, so you can continue to contribute energy to the black hole that is the Virgo. Is this fair? Probably not. And how long do you it can go on before tragedy, anyway? Before the Pisces dumps you, that is. And what’s the upside? There is no upside.

So look. The Virgo has problems and they’re his. But your problem is nearly as severe, in the fact you still want to tango with this guy after what he’s done to you… and never minding the fact you have a man in your bed already, one who walks and talks and cares and gives. So what to do?

Get a therapist. Ask them to help you figure out why you aren’t able to shut the door on such an obvious negative influence in your life. Because that is the question, and the rest of this is just chaos.

Good luck.

~~
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As far as overcoming pathology goes, I think it’s particularly challenging if you have oppositions in your chart. Because when someone has an opposition in their chart (and most people do) they tend to project.

“It’s not me! It’s him, or her, or my mother or the dog! But no matter what it is, it definitely isn’t me!!”

And when planets are opposed in the sky like Saturn and Neptune are at the moment, the entire collective joins in.

“You’re the crazy.”

“No you’re the crazy.”

“That other person is crazy… but for sure I am not crazy. Er… am I?”

So one of the ways to work with oppositions is to find ways to incorporate (and honor) the energies on either side of the opposition and in the case of Saturn / Neptune, this just might keep you sane. And because I am stoopid lucky or something, I stumbled on just the thing! Well, not the thing, but a thing that is ultra Saturn/Neptune and working for me.

It’s the steam room at the gym! Get it? Neptune is foggy. Saturn rules the skin. So I sit in there every chance I get and observe these two energies alongside each other. And it’s profound.

See, people don’t look all that good for the most part. But in a steam room, everyone looks good! No one has wrinkles (Saturn) for one thing. I mean, if they do, you don’t know it. Reality (Saturn) is obscured (Neptune). Everything and everyone is blurred. Their hard edges are smoothed.

So I sit in there and imagine (Neptune) reality (Saturn) and this is very easy to do. Time (Saturn) does not exist, once you shut that door. Well this is the illusion (Neptune) anyway. Once I shut that door… that’s it. No one can call me. I can hide (Neptune) from my responsibilities (Saturn). There are no clocks or watches (Saturn) in a steam room!

And by consciously honoring and acknowledging these energies simultaneously I am seeing far fewer negative manifestations of them. And I am am overwhelmingly a Saturn/Neptune type and have been plagued, believe me!!

Saturn = reality, responsibility, commitment, boundary
Neptune = erased, ethereal, delusion, illusion, dissolve

Can you identify any of the ways these two energies are playing in your life, for good or ill? And do you have a Saturn Neptune aspect in your chart?

skip to: On Being Invisible and The Jedi Wave