Her Man Is Off His Crystal Meth, But Addicted To Porn: Double Cancer, Sun and Moon in the 7th House
Dear Elsa,
I have been dating this guy for 5 years. When we first got together he was separated from his wife for almost a year, but after we started dating he went back to her because “she needed him”. I moved away but kept in contact and when I moved back he was divorced. Now we are living together
I have gone thru a lot with him. When he went back to his wife, he became addicted to crystal meth. He did go into a 30 day rehab and has been clean since but now I have to deal with another addiction: porn.
I have asked him to stop but he says he’s being a normal man and that I am just being insecure and that he was that way when we started dating. I was not aware of his addiction then. He looks at porn every chance he gets and he tries to hide it from me because he says I make him feel uncomfortable about it. But he looks at it at least 5 or 6 times a day and our sex life has gone way downhill. It used to be amazing and now not so much. When we do have sex, it seems like he’s thinking about one of the girls in the movies or magazine or on the internet instead of me
I keep thinking the only way to deal with this is to leave, but I do love him and would like to try and find some way to try and make it work before I just pack my stuff and go. I have told him that if he doesn’t stop I am going to leave. He says I am not loving him for who he is and that I am just trying to change him – but I think if he loved me like he says he does, he would realize that it hurts me and he would want to change.
I am sooooo confused and any advice would help.
Thank you,
Double Cancer
Dear Double.
Your Sun and Moon are in the 7th house of your chart which gives very strong co-dependent tendencies, basically because you simply do not want to be alone. And this desire to be partnered can be so strong that any relationship, even one that is absolutely horrible like this one, is better than nothing. And if you can understand this, you can begin to untangle your confusion.
See, you are concerned about him and how the two of you relate. You think of the balance and the give and take.
He on the other hand, doesn’t think of you at all. It sounds like he uses your body now and then (gee, thanks) but outside of that it’s pretty obvious not just from the porn but the entire history of your relationship that this is a very self-centered man. So self-centered that your needs don’t even enter his picture. And I have just the words for you.
Recently I read astrologer Michael Lutin’s book, “SunShines: The Astrology of Being Happy”
, and my favorite sentence in the entire book was this: “A relationship… a real relationship, takes two people. Not one person and one vegetable…”
::smiles::
I am sorry, but your man is a vegetable. And it seems he has no desire whatsoever to do anything about that, so I think you ought to leave him on the next train. And check this:
Forget his porn. Who cares what he does? What about your own need to be sexually satisfied, hmm? This guy ain’t cuttin’ it!
So I say, get out there and find a man who can… and will. But just watch yourself, okay? Make sure the next man you hook up with has an authentic desire to relate to another human being because if not, you’re going to wind up right where you are now, ‘cept you’ll be another year older.
Good luck.
~~
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Elsa, how do you get all these women whose SO’s have porn addictions? It’s crazy…