Back focusing on the Mars Saturn aspect a few years ago when the Special Forces soldier reminded me of the helmet incident 25 years after the fact, I asked for details. You can see my Mars Mercury conjunction in all it’s glory here…

“You were swingin’ it hard, too” he said.

“I bet. Where did I swing it? High or low? Did I swing it at your head (Mars)? Or at your crotch (Also Mars)?

“Both! You were trying to hurt me,” he said. “You were going to kill me.”

“I imagine.”

“But I ducked. I got out of the way. Lucky thing I’m pretty fast because you’re fast too and you were pissed. You were pissed off, baaaad. You were madder than hell at me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry, man.”

“It’s okay. No problem. But then when you couldn’t get me, you were going to go for my bike. My bike! You were going to beat the hell out of it. And you did smash it pretty good.”

“I know, I know. I can’t believe I got away with that. Why did you let me get away with that?”

“Oh hell. I loved you. You could have done anything you wanted, pretty near. It wouldn’t have mattered. I was in love with you, Els. It wasn’t that big a deal. I stopped you. We got calmed down and we went straight to breakfast after that. Remember?”

“No!”

“Well, we did. And we were back in the sack an hour later like nothing ever happened. It was no big deal. No big deal at all…”

But here comes the Mars Saturn. We lived together back then for the most part. But he had his place in the barracks too. It was the next weekend. I called him up. It’s a barracks so someone had to go outside and get him.

“You’re coming aren’t you?” I asked.

“No, I’m not coming there,” he said.

“What do you mean? You’re not coming here? What are you doing?”

“What do you mean, what am I doing? What do you think I’m doing? I’m fixing my bike. You beat it up, remember? You do remember you smashed my bike up don’t you?”

“Er… so you’re fixing it? You can do that?”

I was horny, see. As always, since I’m me. And you can see what I’m finding out here. I am to be deprived (Saturn) of my man (Mars). No sex for me!!!!

“Yeah, I can do that. I can do everything. You think I don’t know how to fix a bike?”

“No, no. You probably know…” (See how I kiss ass?) “So how long is that going to take? An hour?” I was trying to hurry him… a Taurus. Nothing stupider in the world…

“What do you mean an hour? An hour?” he said with his twang. “This going to take me a lot longer than an hour… ”

He explained he was going to have to take off the gas tank, get the dent… putty, sand, paint, let the paint dry, paint again… I got the message.

“Okay, so you’re telling me you’re going to be all day? Is what you’re saying?”

“That’s what I’m saying. I’m going to be all day and maybe tomorrow too.”

“Tomorrow?” I was whining. What can I say? I was 17 years old.

“Tomorrow. Hey! If you wanted to see me, you shouldn’t have smashed my bike. So don’t you complain. You know where I want to be. You know I’d be over there right now. Where do I spend every weekend? We spend the weekends together, always. You know I want to be with you. Do you think I want to be fixing this bike? Hell no! I want to be with you, don’t I? But thanks to you, we’re not going to see each other today, and don’t you pout. Because it’s your fault. You’re the one who gave me this problem, didn’t you?”

“You can still drive it,” I said not giving up. “Dents don’t make it not run.”

“No I can’t. I’m not riding around on a smashed up bike. Are you crazy? I don’t care what you say. I gotta go, Els. I gotta fix this bike. And the sooner you let me get started the sooner I’ll get over there.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow. If you’re lucky,” he added. “If you’re lucky you’ll get to see me tomorrow. And if this takes me the whole weekend, then that’s what it takes. Because I’m not going to rush. I’m going to take my time and do a good job and maybe next time maybe you’ll think before you go smashing my bike.”

“Er… okay. Okay, fine then.”

So there you go. Down comes the Saturn hammer. I think this is so funny.

skip to part four…