I am not a parent, nor have I had people close to me (nearly) dying, apart from the baby of friends of mine which died only a few days old. Experiencing that alone, from a safe distance, was horrifying. When they buried their child she nearly went with him in grief. Now, they have more children – but their loss changed their life completely. They cut out all that was no longer potent and valuable.

My gf’s young boy was diagnosed earlier this week with a tumor. Transiting Pluto is squaring her natal Moon.

Have experienced many deaths (too many) of loved ones, yet I haven’t always plotted the transits occuring for me every time. However Natally I have Sun in 8th House squaring my natal Pluto in the 5th House and have been experiencing Pluto transiting my natal Sun’s house (8th) for many years now. My stepfather died at home when I was sixteen. My partners daughter died when she was 11 when I was present. My mother died of cancer in 2004. My good friend took her own in life this year after being at risk for many years.

A post of this nature from Elsa prompts so much in me. Have experienced so many dark nights of the soul when deep in sorrow and grief. I have transformed myself many times – every death has led me to rebuild my life from scratch whilst gaining wisdom and knowledge with each tiny step. But what a price to pay for the self growth. I know that people don’t know what to say to people in grief – either do I. It’s the thoughtless/selfish words that hurt deeply and stay with you for a long time.
Hang in there Elsa.

Elsa, I appreciate your post so much. I have had many people close to me die and I always feel better when others speak of their experience with death and near death.

When my partner underwent surgery after a bad accident, I stayed in the waiting room with his mother–whos already lost one child–and it was absaloutely gut wrenching to witness her grief. My partner survived, but we shared the wait room with a mother who lost her 8 year old son. Grief, like time, is not linear. It doesn’t “go away.” Funny how we say time heals all wounds.

On another note, today marks the anniversay of my partner’s brother’s death, and we are celebrating his life with friends and a couple of beers. So this post has a special heart-warming effect for us! I know his parents are having a tough time.

Much love to you all.

Gem, Pluto will oppose my Venus in about four years. You can bet I’m paying attention to all of this Pluto talk.

I had a miscarraige at 10 weeks when my older children were young. It changed me, definitely. My first child was born six weeks premature, but was very healthy and I’ve never had to face anything more serious concerning my children’s health.

The most difficult thing I’ve had to face where my children are concerned though was choosing to allow their father to have custody for the majority of the year. I was unwilling to fight with him over them and felt it was less harmful to them in the long run to concede the battle to him. There’s no way to describe all of the things I feel about that. Saturn was transitting Gemini during that time, where I have sun, Mercury, Jupiter and my north node in my 7th house. I gave up everything during those two years. At the end of it I gave birth to my third child who’s Jupiter conjuncts my Cancer Venus, and my life now while still difficult, is better than I would have imagined.

Elsa, I don’t think I would have ever said what that nurse said to you. It seems obvious to me that when faced with tragedy, you just have to find a way to cope. Thank you for talking about it though, so that we can all have a better understanding of how careless words might affect someone going through such a difficult thing. I remember that time and I remember praying very hard to anyone who would listen that your daughter would recover.

I’m not a parent either but i empathise deeply. Losing anyone is harrowing but when it’s a child i can think of nothing worse. Pluto has been transiting many points in my chart over the last few years and continues to do so. Next year it hits my moon and i’m worried..early last year my mother had a heart attack and though it wasn’t fatal it raised the subject of her mortality into my psyche and i’ve almost grieved her death before it’s even happened. Just the thought of her not being there to talk to cuts me to the core. I worry that this transit will realise my worst fears but at least i can appreciate any time we have left and i really do.

Elsa, I am sending you and your daughter lots of healing energy and prayers.

Much love,
Marly

I do hope this means your daughter hasn’t taken a nose dive, but you know that you and she are always in my prayers.

I came very close to losing my son at the same time I was becoming a parent… Both of us nearly died when he was born. When they did the emergency c-section to get him out, I was terrified that it was too late. Hearing him cry was the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.

I always say, “I don’t know what I would do if I lost my son.” I think that’s far more accurate, because I really have no idea how I would handle it.

No, she’s not all right. She’s doing much better but she’s not all right.

Ah, it’s hard. I’ve been through loads of losses and my ability to survive them changes with the context of my life.

My husband and I were talking about this, about death. How if he died now, when I was young I would be utterly devastated but I would move on because I would still have a life to reclaim. Similarly if I had children. Then as much as I’d want to kill myself I think I would have to go on for the children because they’d need me more than ever. But if my children were grown? And there was nothing vital and immediate that required my presence in the world to nurture it? I think I’d be quite happy to take my leave of mortality.

On the other hand being the child of people who were not very good at dealing when something happened to me was quite stressful, as every single time I was truly in trouble I knew that I had to handle it by myself and conceal it from them so as not to have to be strong for them as well as myself.

As a psychologist though, one of the things which just stumps me is death. I’ve supported survivors of sexual abuse, suicidees, self-harmers just fine… but death… I sort of shut down and stop knowing what to say because it’s such a terrifying territory to journey through with someone and often there is nothing to say. So I’m always trying to learn about this, death talk, trying to make myself better and more helpful to people.

So… when the nurse was telling you she couldn’t deal, I get that it was insensitive, and I can see myself not doing that.

However… when she was telling you that she thought your child would not make it, that sounds like a fairly standard hopsital procedure, yes. What do you think she could have said instead to make it better for you?

Don’t mean to be insensitive or invasive… just trying to learn.

I’ve almost come to the conclusion that Pluto is Satan. Transits, etc. are always textbook for me as well.

During the time that Pluto transited my 8th house, I basically lost everything I had, at least all that was near and dear to me. He was in Scorpio then and I have Scorpio on my (empty) 8th house cusp.

It all began when my mom died, then my only daughter went from being a straight A student and a good kid to psycho daughter and ran away at barely 16, never to return (to me, anyway).

Two years later my oldest son was murdered, a completely innocent victim of a random shooting. My husband had a (non-fatal) heart attack shortly after that.

Then my business partner took advantage of my grief and did some things behind my back that ended with me losing my business and owing the IRS $67K in back taxes that he was supposed to have paid for me (with my money).

There is more but it begins sounding unbelievable when I try to explain it all..my entire family turned against me because I was no longer a wealthy woman..and on and on.

It was actually sort of funny, and it blew the shrink away hearing about it because so much had happened I had to write it on a list so I wouldn’t forget any of it.

But I finally made it through it, clearly not the same person I was before. It seemed like a nightmare that would never end.

I’m battle-worn and weary, but still an eternal optimist who holds no grudges against anyone, because I consider it all lessons.

I do have to admit for a few years there I had some interesting dreams about being a space traveller and hunting the evil sucker (Pluto) down and blowing him to bits..but I have an Interesting Neptune, so I’ll blame it on him. *smile*.

Many thinks for allowing me to rant. Deborah

Pluto conjnct natal Neptune in Scorpio when my first child died soon after childbirth. I nearly died too due to complications. Nervous breakdown lasted for several months and then I recovered but to this day I can not handle movies, television shows, books with storylines that involve the death of a baby. My third child diagnosed with autism when Pluto was opposing my moon, venus and mercury. I grieved for her too, at all our imagined lost opportunities for her future. She has completely changed my life but in a better way than I could have imagined. My father, a hero in my life, died last year as Pluto began a close opposition to my natal Sun. I’m a stronger, deeper, more loving Gemini because of these “deaths.”
Hearing about Elsa’s daughter breaks my heart. I am praying for her and for both of her children.

I lost my only child a year ago. He was 6 years old. It was completely out of the blue, and according to the coroner, a freak medical occurrence.

To say it was horrifying is an understatement. I had previously had two miscarriages–while that was also upsetting, and it’s all relative, it’s absolutely not comparable. At the same time, some people who said “i don’t know how you get up in the morning”, then went on to act as if i should be back to normal. When something like this happens, many others cannot cope–they don’t know what to say. You can’t rationalize away a 6 year old dying, like some people try to rationalize a fetus, newborn, or an elderly person. It’s pure pain looking you in the face, and many people don’t have the strength to look.

I’ll never be the same person i was–but i am highly functional. My son is my inspiration. If i were to have died, i wouldn’t want him to have collapsed. I look at the rest of my life as a way of showing my son’s life was not for naught, and his death not in vain. I’ve expanded my spiritual beliefs profoundly, and do believe there is work i need to do in this world, and a different path i should be on than i was.

You never know how you’ll react when this sort of thing happens, and everyone reacts to grief differently. I am glad your daughter pulled through. No one should have to see “what they’re made of” by this sort of life challenge.

((marie))

I wrote you a blog here:

http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2008/03/22/astrology-and-the-loss-of-a-child-waiting-for-the-axe-to-fall/