His Fiance Tends To Sleep Around: Sun Conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius, Aquarius Moon
Dear Elsa,
I’m about to turn 33 and the most important part of my life – my love relationship – is in trouble. My fiance and I have been together for more than 4 years, and engaged for one-and-a-half. I have loved her deeply. We have done incredible things together including traveling around the world, and doing humanitarian work for more than a year in an incredible and somewhat dangerous place. We have now returned to the States.
Once when I was overseas and she had returned to the States for several months on her own, she had a fling with one of my best friends. They didn’t have sex but they did sleep in the same bed and make out several times. My friend had fallen in love with her when I allowed him to sleep on my couch for two weeks (which turned into four months). He wrote to me in Afghanistan about this, and how he intended to take her from me. She was not interested in staying with him, and returned to me overseas.
This incident destroyed my friendship of 17 years. I felt like I’d always given so much more to that friend than was ever returned and his declaration of intent to steal “my” girl was the last straw. I asked my partner to promise that nothing like this would happen again, which she did. It was a heart wrenching experience for me.
Now, two years later, I have returned from a two week trip to bury a family member to find out that my 27 year old fiancÆ’
Dear Torn,
I would take her at her word. She is telling you in plain language she is going to do whatever she wants with her body so there should be no confusion here. If you marry her, the odds she is going to be loyal and monogamous are roughly 0%. And all the reasons why are really superfluous to my mind. The only question you need to answer is this:
Do you want to deal with this? Can you?
You have an Aquarius Moon, which indicates a man who would attracted to a independent and somewhat detached woman. And to a humanitarian, which this woman obviously is. And you have Neptune conjunct your Sun, which gives you the ability to transcend when victimized. So you can see that you are living your chart here.
She, on the other hand, has Pluto rising. She’s a lone wolf in many ways. She also has Venus and Mars in Aries and it’s her needs first, got it? She’s going to look out for number one.
So do you want a woman like that? Well, yeah. In many ways you do. Is she going to cheat on you? Of course. So do you want an open marriage? If not, get out. If so, go forward but keep your eyes wide open, ”kay?
Good luck.
~~
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7 Responses to “His Fiance Tends To Sleep Around: Sun Conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius, Aquarius Moon”
“I love her, I want to make her suffer, I don’t want to loose her, the landscape looks so bleak… wtf????”
I don’t understand this sentence? Tom says he “loves” her yet wants to “make her suffer”.
This is just not possible. When you really love someone you do not “want” to hurt them……no matter what they do to you.
So what that she is beautiful and intelligent…she’s promiscuous and running a very high risk of contracting an STD.
A woman who has multiple partners also runs a very high risk of gynecological cancers.
I am not making any value judgements about anyone who has multiple partners because I once had a problem setting personal boundaries which as a result led to a total hysterctomy at 39. At the present time I am being monitored for the presence of cancerous changes. I had an attitude that was very immature about sex and I learned the hard way how ignorant I was about my body.
Having multiple partners means having different DNA introduced into the body which in time causes the cells to become abnormal.
This behavior could cost her more than she’s willing to pay. I hope that she gets counseling for the past sexual abuse and that Tom finds someone who is willing to be monogamous…..and healthy.
I think its a typo…he probably mean he doesn’t want to make her suffer. atleast tht’s wht i deduced from the tone of the whole mail.
Jamie, I’m really sorry to hear you’ve been having health issues and I hope that all turns out fine – but let’s not forget that those lovely lovely condom things are very good at preventing STDs and the invasion of one’s body by Foreign DNA.
I completely agree with you that ignorance can make people make foolish choices, but hopefully that’s where sex education kicks in and people know about safe shagging.
Also I can totally see how loving someone and wanting them to suffer can co-exist in the same person. After all, she hurt him – he said he feels badly burned so he wants to hurt her back, get his revenge. But also he loves her so there’s a conflict there clearly, which is probably why he is so confused and so on.
while her history will impact her choices, it’s not like it’s not under her control. i know people who were sexually abused who do not sleep around…but regardless, if she believes this history is putting her sexual behavior out of her control, then therapy is a good idea. except i don’t really believe that…there is nothing to trust here other than to trust that she’s telling the truth that she will continue to sleep with other people…but regardless…the bigger issue is that she has made it crystal clear not only that she plans to continue sleeping around, but, more importantly, she doesn’t particuarly care how it impacts you. i’d also be willing to bet this attitude carries over into other arenas. how could it not?
for me, if something causes my husband pain, i care, whether or not i think he “should” care about it to begine with. i care about how he feels because i love him. and he cares about my feelings, because he loves me.
i feel sad for you, because it seems you’re hurting and you want for this woman to change her behavior so you can have the relationship you want with her. i think you can either have a relationship with her on the terms you’ve been given, or have the relationship you want, but with somebody else.
peace out.
May be completely out of topic here…
One of by best friends
She had an Aqua Moon (& Cancer Sun 29‚
Nia, I agree up to a point. Condoms do break and it only takes one time to contract herpes, AIDS, or any other STD. AS far as the introduction of different DNA….yes, condoms do prevent that but it is only as good a preventative as the person using it.
Condom capacity is sometimes not sufficient ….if you know what I mean. So while condoms can be helpful they are not “fool proof” measures for the prevention of STD’s.
I just do not think that it is worth the risk…and more so for the person involved with someone who has multiple partners.
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GREAT advice. I hope things work out for them both. Couple counseling might help, with her history of molestation. People are who they are, we have to learn not to take it personally. Wonderful, Elsa.