Awhile back we were talking about horoscopes and the people who write them, here and here.

A lot of people linked their favorite horoscope writers in the comments, but no one mentioned Caeriel Crestin who I like a lot. She writes scopes for Seattle Weekly and I don’t know who else, but I enjoy her column very much.

Check her out, but be advised she swears like a truck driver at times. She’s as bad as I am, so if you’re a virgin ear type… well, you’re probably not reading here anyway.

So check out Caeriel Crestin! Her voice is fresh and it’s hip and she updates on Wednesdays.

Dear Unhappy,

You have Saturn square your Sun and consequently you are a fear-based person. It is a given that you’re going to be afraid of something, but that something can change.

Right now, you’re afraid of the boogey-men you may meet if you leave your husband. Alternately you are afraid that not one of the billions of men on this planet will like you. And you are afraid your kids will be devastated. And I’m thinking it might help if you get yourself some new fears and I have some suggestions.

How about being afraid to die, having never lived? How about the fear that you are teaching your children that relationships are unsatisfying and not fulfilling? How about replacing the fear of “no men out there” with the fear of being stuck with the one you have for the next 40 years?

Now I don’t know about you, but I think that stuff is pretty scary. And you can see my point here. If you will change your perspective, you can get out – and in fact, it’s your responsibility to do just that.

Because you have a ultra-fiery 9th house Aries Sun. The Sun in the 9th house is expansive and fun. And you need to work (Saturn) to manifest this as opposed to cowering down. Otherwise, no shine for you.

And what do you think is best for your kids? Their mother – a confident, fiery streak across this land? Or their mother hiding under the bed? I don’t think there is any question. You call your life “safe” but I don’t think it’s safe at all. Instead, you’re at grave risk of never having a life at all. I say get yourself moving and the sooner the better.

Good luck.

~~
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People who don’t like astrology but do like me, always wind up asking me the same thing. How can a person as smart as you believe that planets have any impact on our lives? And I am always utterly baffled by this.

And I ask them where they think the line is. Just exactly where is the line between a person… you or me, and another person, or for that matter a planet in the sky?

See, I don’t understand. Because most people would agree that you can have a feeling… you can be in love with someone who is half way around the world. And those feelings travel. That person feels right there in the room with you. There is no separation at all. You are in England and they are in Africa, yet they are affecting you. Hmmm…

So the line that separates you from another entity is obviously pretty far out there. You can love across town, across the state and across the continent so why in the world would you someone think they are not connected to the planets in the sky? Is it because there is a line 10 feet above the earth that prevents connection? Or 20 feet out, or a 100? How could that be?

And I mention this today because of the extreme situation in the sky. Six planets are clustered in Scorpio today. Think about that. Up above, all the planets are stacked up against one another. Don’t you think that matters?

See, I can never figure out how people can diss astrology, but on a day like today it’s especially unfathomable to me that anyone could think what is going in with the planets in the sky is insignificant. I just can’t see how in the world could this be? How could all this energy be concentrated out there and… nothing!

To me it’s like saying the Sun doesn’t warm your skin when it shines. It’s like saying the Sun does not effect you because it’s way up there in the sky. And I’m sorry, but to me this is completely laughable. And I just wanted to say so on a day like today when things are so intense and concentrated, like the Sun burning your skin on a 120 degree day, they beg not to be denied.

Dear Confused,

I know a sure fire way to get un-confused. Ask this guy how he feels! I understand you are afraid but of what? You have known this guy for two years. You sleep with him for chrissakes! And whatever it is he thinks and feels about you is not going to change just because you ask a question, so I think you should ask a question.

And in the meantime: while you get your nerve up, ask yourself a few questions. For example, what do you mean, “my heart belongs to him?” You love him and you want to have sex with others? You love him and you don’t care if he has sex with others? You love him and you want to marry him? Or do you love him and nothing else matters? Because check this:

He may be a Pisces… famous for heading in two directions, but you’re no average Virgo. As a matter of fact, you’re a double Virgo with Neptune (the Pisces planet) square your Sun and Moon and Mars! And this makes you very Piscean yourself. So this is what I’m getting at:

You don’t know what he’s up to and I bet you anything he feels the same about you! So you can leave it just like it is. But if there is something you want (that you can identify), I would let this man know. And you definitely don’t have to concern yourself with him jumping ship when you speak to him, because that’s not going to happen and even if it did…

Well just think about it. You talk to your man and he beats feet. Who wants a man like that anyway?

Good luck.

~~
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This was interesting.

According to Christianity Today:

12.3%
Americans who believe astrology impacts one’s life and personality.

13.6%
Evangelicals who believe this.

Are you surprised by this statistic? I am.

Dear Miserable,

I actually feel sorry for you, in spite of the fact I loathe what you are doing and what you have done. Because you really do sound completely confused and incapable of comprehending your situation so I’ll start by explaining it to you.

You actually didn’t take this man from his wife and children. You did not “win”. He is still very much with them, although it seems you get to do his laundry now.

And a lot of people probably figure this chaos you’re in is exactly what you deserve. Do you realize that? You don’t seem to. You don’t seem to comprehend that you have erred in any way. If you did, you would readily understand why his kids don’t want anything to do with you. Why would they want to meet and greet the woman who devastated their family?

Further, their father doesn’t seem to want all that much to do with you either, have you noticed? I think you should. I think you should notice that you are his last priority.

So it’s no wonder you feel horrible. What in the world do you have to feel good about? Your exemplary behavior? The way people feel they can trust you? How close you are to your partner? I’m sorry. I really don’t mean to lay into you. It’s just that your only hope is to clean the slate and start over. Seriously.

And love? What’s to love about this guy? He doesn’t love you, that’s for sure. Read your post up there. Does it sound like that guy loves that woman? He likes a mess, that’s for sure. But does he love you? Hell no. If he loved you, he’d be supporting you. If he loved you, he wouldn’t be lying through his teeth.

Look. You have an enormously challenging chart and you don’t need this man. What you need is a decent girlfriend and you’re not going to get one of those until and unless you stop screwing other women’s men. So how about it?

I say kick this guy (with his nebulous finances) out of your house – and then reach out to other women, the way you did when you wrote me. Try to make friends online first, if this is more comfortable for you. Find a message board and post to it. Tell people you are lonely and I bet you will find you have lots of company.

Next thing you know, you’ll be building a friendship. And this will heal you. But your man? I’m sorry, but he’s not your man, is he?

Good luck.

~~
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I got a speeding ticket the other day. I got pulled over by this big ol’ cop. Very studly but with an attitude. He meant to mock me, I think. But in a way that was funny. He sidled on up to my car with his hand on his belt like some kind of 6’4″ Texan.

“I guess you didn’t know we was the Po-Leece when you did this and this and this,” he said smugly, as if he’d just busted the notorious criminal of the decade. I shot him my best Thelma and Louise grin.

“Actually, no. I wasn’t trying to get away with something. I’m having a super terrific day, so I’m out driving happily and I was completely oblivious (Neptune) to the police (Saturn). But now here you are,” I said brightly.

“I’m sorry I’m going to have to ruin your day with a speeding ticket.”

“Oh, go right ahead. There are much worse things,” I said, smiling. “I can’t imagine I could care any less about getting a ticket because really, I am feeling very good and days don’t get much better than this.”

He didn’t talk to me after that. He probably thought I was crazy.

Keep reading -> Who Am I Again? Neptune on The Midheaven

Speaking of the planets lining up, Firefox is releasing the new version of their browser on October 24, the day six planets will be lined up in Scorpio (pictured below). Do you think this is an accident? I don’t. Some companies use an astrologer and other companies ought to!

For example, I remember when AOL first went to “unlimited usage”. It used to be by the hour, remember?

Well they made the change with Mercury retrograde and it was a complete disaster. It was a total traffic jam. No one could sign on for weeks!

So anyway, I have to think this is going to be very good for Firefox. And notice that Mercury goes retrograde Oct 28th, and they neatly dodge this, dont they?

And FYI, readers of ElsaElsa use Firefix in great numbers. This is probably because you’re all so stylish and avant-garde. Roughly 30% of visitors to this blog use Firefox as opposed to about 14% Internet wide and I’m one of them.

The Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, Mercury and Jupiter will all be in Scorpio this month and some people are scared. Why, is baffling to me. If you want to know how this is going to affect you, check your chart. Where is Scorpio in your chart? What house? Because wherever these planets fall, that area of your life is going to be super energized. And this is very straightforward!

For example, the planets will fall in my 10th house. That’s the public. And sure enough there will be an ad campaign for this blog this month which will undoubtedly increase my visibility.

And I didn’t elect this. By that, I mean the timing was not by design. This is my editor, HQ’s gig. He set it up and he set it up for now which is how astrology works, you know. It’s works perfectly!

So you see how SLAMMING this is. There is no trick to interpreting this because it’s impossible to miss. So what about you?

In what house(s) will these planets land?

And can you see how it might my manifest? Because the conjunction is forming now. It’s close enough that if you pay attention you ought to be able to see what’s setting up…

Dear Suffering,

I feel horrible for you. Your pain is palpable and I wanted to post your letter so that at the very least it gets some air. I want to hold your pain to the light like this in, the hopes it will alleviate it even the tiniest bit. Because I get the idea you are isolated which can only intensify your feelings.

So now this is out here and people are reading it. People know this has happened and I am sure a good of them feel tremendous compassion for you. I know I do. But you are having a Pluto transit (and a Saturn transit to Pluto) and though I am going to try, I am not sure how much I can help.

First on the crying… forget about stopping the tears. On the contrary, I think you should cry and cry and cry. Cry as hard as you can. Cry until you get it out. Tears stop when they damn well please.

And if you cry long enough to get good at it, you’ll realize how healing they are. I know I’ve cried a lot of tears… way more than my share and these days when the tears run down my face, I smile. I smile because I like being an emotional person. I like being vulnerable and I like being alive. And this is what is happening to you right now. You are alive like you’ve never been before and I’ll explain.

You’re 55. And what you’re coming to terms with is your own mortality. Your parents are getting up there and then look what happens. This guy shows up to remind you how many years have passed. And where did they go? And what other paths might you have taken? And what about the path you did take?

These are painful things to ponder. Because you can’t turn back the clock and redo anything. And this is the process you’re in right now. And it sounds like your Ex is in a similar place.

What would his life have been like had he married you with your longer leash? I am sure it is painful for him to wonder but at the end of the day, or the end of next week, or next month, you will both have to come to terms with the fact that you are where you are and it is what it is.

And when that happens… when the mourning ends, the living will commence again and hopefully it will be sweeter than ever after having been reminded that our time here is limited and every bit of it, precious.

Much love. Take care and good luck.

~~
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~~
pictured – Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557