Dear Wondering,

To tell you the truth, this is one of the more challenging questions I have ever had. You’ve got it all tied up, see. It’s not like I can say, hey! Go get what you want! Because you refuse to state what you want. You want to be close to someone…not. You want to be dependent… not. You want to be connected but aloof, etc. and so forth.

And this is not so uncommon in a milder form. People are naturally ambivalent. But you are refusing to choose…. anything. You’re 40 and you won’t state a sexual preference?

I’m sorry but it’s very easy to see how someone would become frustrated trying to relate to you. And I can use myself as an example, because I’m a person. And I would very much like to help you but I feel it’s impossible and it’s because you’ve made it this way.

Think about it. And with five planets in Virgo, thinking is your forte. If you refuse to define yourself, your wants, or your needs… if you insist on remaining utterly amorphous, how the hell is someone supposed to attach to you? Where should they grab?

Who do you want to have sex with? Who do you want to kiss? Animal, mineral or vegetable? We don’t know! We don’t know because you won’t tell us! And when people guess, they guess wrong. And I’m sorry but this seems very “baby-like” to me. A baby is ouchy. A baby is hurting but they can’t tell us why. They can’t tell us, “I need food, or I am cold or I am lonely, tired or bored….”

So here’s the deal:

I don’t agree your life lessons are to be alone and blah, blah, blah. You’ve already mastered that, don’t you think?

You’re a Cancer rising with a Cancer Moon. That’s the baby part. But this leaves Saturn ruling the 7th house (partnerships). I’d say your lesson is to learn to relate to others. But to do this, you’ll have to define yourself. You’ll have to be willing to draw some lines and to be very candid, you don’t sound willing at all. Which is your business of course. But you asked for my insight, so this is it.

And how you got this way, I don’t know. But it sounds as if your development is arrested. Because typically as people mature they gain definition. They get clarity around who they are what they want. And this is what you lack.

And it’s fine if you want to leave it that way. But if not, I would say you need to see a professional who will commit to staying in a relationship with you as you struggle to define yourself against them.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Scott on phone yesterday…

“That’s my greatest fear,” he said. “I have always been afraid of that. I can’t imagine anything worse.”

Listening, I thought his fear was very unlikely to ever manifest and I noted this in regards to Saturn Neptune. Hologram fear.

“I don’t know what my greatest fear is,” I said. “I don’t think I have one anymore. All my fears have been realized. I mean, think about it. They’ve all happened and then some…”

“You have been through the wringer,” he said.

“Right. So what should I be afraid of? I can’t think of anything. I don’t think there is anything left for me to be afraid of.”

And this is Saturn Neptune too. Fear transcended. Or fear obscured for that matter.

Could I be afraid and not know it? Of course! It’s a hall of mirrors, I said.

Keep reading -> LB, An Interlude

Dear Sagittarian,

When I feel someone may be pulling away from me, I let go and I find out quick enough what’s going on. If this gal is not responding to you, stop calling her. At that point, she’ll either come to you or she won’t – and then you’ll know.

Now if she has lost interest in you, it’s anyone’s guess why. You can ask her if you want. Or not. And she may tell you. Or not.

Personally, I wouldn’t ask because I’m not that interested in people who are not interested in me. I mean, what do I want? A critique of me by someone not interested in me? For what?

I also wouldn’t want to pressure someone into telling me something they want to avoid telling me. So assuming you don’t hear from her, I would let her go, then turn inward to deal with the aftermath and in your case, there does seem to be some fall out.

Now I’m not sure what you mean, “what you are going to do about the fact you slept with her”. There isn’t much you can do, is there? It’s a done deal. Do you think it was an error? I don’t necessarily think it was. You were consenting adults. So if this is about feeling you did something wrong, I don’t think you did.

On the other hand, if this is more about feeling injured because you’ve been rejected after putting yourself out there and sharing your body, then it’s worth noting your response to this so you can make adjustments in the future. For example, the first time you sleep with someone, maybe you should be sober.

But really, I think this is a no harm, no foul situation. People are lonely, they’re horny, they’re whatever they are. And things like this happen sometimes, especially when you’re 19. So no matter what you decide to do, I’d say, cut yourself some slack. Because you sound like a nice guy, and you’ve done nothing wrong here.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

People have requested via their comments, I write on various topics and I wanted to acknowledge them. Two people asked I write about lying as it relates to Gemini, especially because I call them Gemiliars and Geminlie risings, which I obviously need to be explain!

Someone asked me to elaborate about Virgos and their secrets lives and several people want to hear about the Pluto transit to my Moon.

Still another person asked about my own Saturn return and I want to say these questions have registered with me and I think they’re all superb, very excellent topics. And I intend to get to each of them over time.

Let me know if there is anything else on your mind(s) and thanks for the feedback.
~~
pictured… graphic from a custom T-short my friend, Stevie made for my Gemini dog-loving daughter some years ago.:-D

So understanding that I have this thing with the African men, I decided to give my kids a similar imprint. Like everybody else, I want my children to have an edge and the edge I wanted them to have was the ability to form friendships with anyone. I wanted the whole world open to them, see. So 12 years ago when I was pregnant with my first baby, I put my money where my mouth is and I moved.

I moved to the most integrated city in the United States at the time. And I don’t know if we still hold that title but if we don’t we’re right up there. Because everyone of every color lives here.

And I don’t mean they live in various segregated neighborhoods. The neighborhoods here are completely, utterly integrated. In short, I just don’t think it would be possible to be a bigot and live here because you would just be uncomfortable all the time.

So my kids grew up with… everyone. It’s a bit of an a social experiment, but I am pretty sure this is going work. I am pretty sure when my kids go out in the world, they will expect to be able to bond with whoever they see, since they grew up this way.

And I’m betting that because they have this expectation… the odds they will be able to connect will be very high for the same reason I connect with these older African men. Especially when compared to the person who has not had exposure and consequently, has not had positive experiences with people of other races.

And I reinforce this all the time. Because my kids are old enough now, they encounter bigotry.

“Yeah? Well you don’t have to pay attention to that. It has nothing to do with you. As you’are well aware, you can get along with all people. You always have. And if these other people have a problem, then they have a problem. And that’s too bad. But you don’t have this problem. So just ignore this other stuff you hear, why don’t you?” ~~Erase/Neptune Reality/Saturn~~ “It has nothing to do with you. Live your own way! Our family gets along with whoever we like. And we don’t care about anything else… race, sexual orientation, money or any other thing you can think of. We like whoever we like and don’t worry about things that are stupid and have no basis at all, like skin color for Godsakes!”

And this is Saturn Neptune on many levels. Besides believing something into reality, it’s the erasing (Neptune) of boundaries (Saturn) and limitations (Saturn). And here’s the thing:

I find that when I am proactive and work (Saturn) to use my Saturn Neptune energy, I am far less likely to be plagued by hologram fears and the other negative manifestations of these two planets when they combine.

Keep reading -> Fear Of Various Types

~~
pictured, my daughter (the Italian looking one) with variou kids on the block, circa 1998.

Dear Scorpio,

Your question doesn’t really fit the format of my blog as it’s akin to a personal reading. Further, your issues are obviously complex and probably not well suited to being addressed on advice blog.

However I am going to answer your question anyway, because I feel for you and because your chart strongly interacts with mine and leads me to think I may be able to help you which I think you strongly deserve. So I’m just going to talk straight and my editor can look the other way for a day.

On the thwarted Mars energy, my position on this is very clear. Repress your sex and anger (Mars) at your own peril and in your case this is especially the case. For one, you’re a Scorpio rising, so Mars rules the chart. Nothing is more important to you than Mars! And the rising is your physical body, so when you fail to express your Mars, your body is getting jacked beyond belief.

Now consider your Mars is in Aries which obviously want to go, Go, GO and further, it is conjunct both Venus and Mercury… opposite Pluto and I have to say this is one hell of a motherfucker you are trying to suppress. And how do you think this is going to play?

It’s going to play where it sits, in the 6th house, for good or ill.

Use your Mars = excellent health. Repress your Mars and you’ll see it turn inward and eat you alive.

What do you think Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is? It’s 6th house (daily routine / the mind / Virgo stuff) run amok! Helllllo! You need to fuck! You need to fuck and fight and be heroic and you need to do this every day just to maintain your health. So let’s talk about what happened when you were 15.

15 is puberty, you know. That means there is a flood of hormones. And have you looked at the astrology back then? I did. And Uranus (experimentation) was squaring all that Mars mess in Aries. Comprendo? So apparently when those dogs got out, they went so crazy they scared the hell out of you – so let’s address that.

First, if this is something as simple as homosexuality, well for Godsakes get over it. You have plenty of company. There are legions of homosexuals out there who will be happy to have you join them, and if it’s otherwise?

So what? At fifteen years old, you think you’re the first person who ever thought of it. Well take it from a fellow Mars Mercury, okay? You’re not! And some of this taboo stuff… try it once. Face your big fear about it and what you find out is it’s not that compelling after all. You get it out of your system!

So here’s my theory:

You’re innately very sexual but there are still periods where things will flare. Like during a Uranus transit, obviously. Uranus wants to break rules! So unfortunately you encountered one of these times in conjunction with puberty which was akin to a “perfect storm” and you became overwhelmed.

And being sensitive somewhat puritan with your 6th house, you nixed this whole deal and you are now suffering OCD due the stress of repression with more ailments on the horizon, no doubt if you do opt to own this energy.

So there you go. And PS, not all Scorpios are aggressive and vindictive.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Mars is conjunct Mercury in Libra right now, conjunct my natal Mars Mercury and there have been a zillion manifestations of this. This energy has just permeated everything over these couple weeks and today’s and tomorrow’s blog are both about acting your Mars and pretty hard core.

Now there is at least one astrologer reading who tracks my blog around what gets posted when. He has noted that when the Moon is in certain signs my writing is one way or another. And I am sure he’s correct! So that these Mars posts (and the Mercury in Aries/Libra series) would post at this time should be no surprise.

I have also noticed I am using a lot of exclamation points lately. Like about 40% more than I should! I am just slightly emphatic lately, you know? ::laughs::

Anyway, SF asked about the Special Forces soldier’s Mars and it just happens to be square his Mercury so he’s obviously a hothead like me. We have much in common like this. We have copious amounts of energy to manage and are both pretty good at it.

He obviously channeled his Mars into soldiering. He is a consummate soldier, a total Mars figure. So he spent 16 years in Special Forces and every single one of them out in the field.

I cannot get him to tell me how common this is. To stay in so long and survive it. Because the other Special Forces soldiers I know did two years and out. Three years and out! That was enough. But he stayed in and further, volunteered to go on every assignment he could… in short, this boy was born to fight.

And he is sadly retired now. Seriously I think he would be very happy if war would come to his town so just imagine living with a Mars like his. What is he going to do with all this energy?

Well he’s a machinist. He works with HOT METAL all day. Isn’t that funny? Guns, knives and cutting into red hot metal spinning a zillion times a minute!

And when he gets off work, he goes walking. For 20 miles, this is. 20 miles once a week, 10 miles another day, bike riding, weight lifting, etc. etc. This because he is old! He’d rather run, see? But he’s full of shrapnel, obviously. And bullet holes! His knee is bad. Saturn!!! But he can’t stop. Can you see how he can never stop?

Anyway, the point of this is everyone has an engine but some of us have engines that race. And we have to use them or else. And with Mars and Mercury in the sky like this, I have never been more aware of my own male energy.

For example, I am acutely aware these days, I want to penetrate. I want to assert myself. And I am looking back over my life and seeing I have always been this way.

What other woman would move into a male barracks? I loved that shit! That was like conquering something to me. Hey, ma! Look where I’m at, LOL! Prowess! I’m like a freakin’ rooster or something. Struttin’ around. Look where I am, that I am not supposed to be! I have penetrated!!!

So I think this is important to write about. For women that is, who tend to project their Mars onto men. You know. “He’s big and strong…” Well actually, I am big and strong! I am formidable and all that.

So what about you? Do you flex your muscle? Where is your Mars and do you work it? Or no?

Dear Cat,

Good God! Hell yes, this shows up in your chart. Anything that happens over and over and over is of course going to be seen in a person’s chart, big time, and you are no exception. And the astrology here is stunning.

You have Mars (violence) tightly conjunct Mercury (Cars) in tight opposition to Uranus (sudden, unexpected) and Pluto (death!)

Further, you have a Capricorn Moon which shows the fear you describe. And if not for that Capricorn and your Cancer rising which wants to be SECURE, you would probably have much less trouble with this aspect. You’d just be a race car driver, see? And you’d be freakishly good at it too. But the way your chart is set up, this is not an option and so you hide. Cancer, right. You hole up.

But this won’t work either. You see what happens. As soon as you leave the house, all hell… I mean the rest of your chart breaks loose. So you need to own this energy.

See, it’s only energy. It’s your energy, but it doesn’t have to manifest in this way and I will use myself as an example.

I have Mars Mercury conjunct myself and have been a thrill seeker in my day to the extreme. And this was one way to express this hot, hot, hot aspect in my chart. A 10 year old who steals a truck? Come on.

But these days, I write (Mercury). Like a man (Mars). For example, I swear when I write and on occasion people tell me I shouldn’t – but I say, fuck you to that! Because to not swear would leave my energy unexpressed and make me prone to other things, like speeding! And car accidents! And a hair trigger temper. No thank you. Been there, done that.

I also have copious amounts of sex (Mars) and I exercise to the extreme. Like getting on a cross trainer on level 20 like some kind freak. And people stare, but hey! I used to crash vehicles once a week or so. Seriously! So you get the idea. I do what I have to do. I have other outlets now. Instead of reckless behavior, I write about my reckless behavior! And this is what you need to do.

You need to own your intense energy and find ways – lots and lots of ways – to express it. You’re like a gun cocked and loaded and you need to discharge on a regular basis. And I’m not talking once a week. You need to do something aggressive, something intense at least daily and more if you can. Like me. I have sex and then I work out and if at all possible I have sex again!! Ha ha ha! Sorry, but this is what it’s like.

And if I do these kinds of things, then I can go out there and drive in the right lane. I can appear very average and not get killed. So this is what I suggest:

Leave the house, not just frequently but very frequently. Mars (action) Mercury (short trips)! Consider this maintenance. You need to drive around more than you need to eat, and that’s a fact.

On the Pluto Uranus end, you might look for meetings (Uranus rules groups) of other intense (Pluto) or powerful individuals (Uranus). Do this and I bet you drive there and back with no problems at all!

And don’t forget to communicate! That’s a Mercury function. Write, email, and call as many people as you can. You can’t possibly call enough people.

And I promise you if you take these steps to begin to use your energy, the universe will dramatically slow if not stop the accidents completely.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Scorpio Moon chatting with a packed 8th house. This is the retired Special Forces soldier and I on the phone. He’s the Scorpio Moon, with Mercury in Aries. I’m a packed 8th house with Mars Mercury in Libra and death and dying one of our favorite topics.

“I hear all that crap on TV about Steve Irvin,” he said. “He died the way he wanted. He would have liked to die that way. What kind of bullshit is that? Who wants to die any kind of way? That’s so stupid. What kind of stupid thing is that to say?”

“I don’t know,” I said. I actually didn’t think it was all that stupid but he was on a roll and I didn’t want to derail him.

“I had a friend (he named him). He used to say he wanted to die in a hail of bullets. Can you believe that? I could never understand that. Come on, man! The last thing I want to do is die!”

“Gotcha,” I said, keeping it short so he could keep talking. But I was thinking that having a desire to die in a hail of bullets did not seem all that odd considering his friend was a Special Forces solider. That’s a hell of a good way to get your wish, right? I also registered the fact his friend is dead and died via gunfire…

“So I hope nobody says stupid shit like that when I die. They better not! There is only one thing I want people to say when I’m dead,” he said with complete surety.

“What’s that?”

“He died before he wanted to,” he said. “He didn’t want to die.”

I laughed. “And when I die, I’ll tell you what they oughta say. It’s about time! She died, finally,” I said with a snort.

He just laughed.

“Anyway, you will probably outlive me,” I said. “If there was ever someone who was hard to kill, it’s you. How many people have tried to kill you, anyway? Don’t even try to answer that. But if I’m here when you’re gone, I’ll tell everyone what it is, okay?”

“You do that.”

“I will. And if I die, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. It won’t bother me at all. So what else is going on?”

So about these older African men, after all these years of this happening, I got to thinking about it. Because it never fails. I have had an older black man supporting me, and I mean absolutely accepting me and everything about me without equivocation all my life.

And when I move or they move, another man shows up. Someone just pops up to take this position and place in my life and here I go again with another African father figure.

And there is always a motorcycle involved! But never mind that, at least for now. The point is eventually I had to think about this. Why does this happen?

And I thought about the psychology and all kinds of things deep and meaningful. And I am aware this phenomenon is rooted to my core. But bottom line, I think this happens because I have some kind of imprint. You know. When I see an older black man, I just totally expect we’re going to hit off, have some fun, understand and appreciate each other and the whole nine yards.

And my face and my body language must convey this, right? Because these men I meet don’t have my background. It’s my script. But this constellates almost immediately, without fail so there has to be something in my demeanor.

And the point is I have this strong belief (Neptune) that older black men are incredibly freakishly cool to know. I believe this is real (Saturn) and it appears that what I believe becomes real because I believe it.

And I so seriously (Saturn) believe this (Neptune)… I’ve taken profound action. I have made life decisions based on this and I’ll tell you about them in my next blog. Meantime, you tell me.

Do you think you can believe something into reality? Or no?

Keep reading -> Racism – Erasing Fears and Limitations