Scott and I. We’re still talking. Well first he went on for awhile about quantum mechanics. I’d transcribe, but I can’t because he’s too deft with words. I can understand and absorb what he says but would have real trouble recalling the dialogue verbatim and to paraphrase would be a disservice…

“So take this 15 year old bartender thing,” I said. “I’m standing there behind a bar thinking how the hell can these people not know I am 15? How could that be? Are they stupid? Am I stupid? Am I invisible? What?”

He laughed.

“Right. And it goes on and on and on like that. Days go by and by and by and nobody figures it out. Years! And nobody knows I’m just a kid and a stupid one from the desert at that. Because come on. I was so naive. A total turnip someone dropped from a truck in the middle of town. And I spent all my time baffled over this. How could people not know this? How in the world? It’s like living in some weird bubble. People see you, yet obviously they can’t and if you’re me…well, it’s impossible to resolve this. It just can’t be understood or fathomed.”

“I learned a lot about you, reading your book. I understand what was happening with you back then, a lot better than I did.”

“Good. Because believe me, on a day to day basis, I was just simply confused. How the fuck can I be standing here…a total kid…an obvious child, and no one notices, day after day after day…”

He didn’t say anything.

“So then you explain the exact thing I could never figure out. That is, that I was such a good bartender…I had such command behind the bar no one would ever dream in a million years, I did not belong there!” I laughed. “Eureka! I could really tend bar. And I can see that. But who’d have thought? Think that ever occurred to me? Hell no! So there you go. And what is real? Do I belong behind a bar when I’m fifteen? Obviously, I do! Just ask anyone I ever served! If there were ever someone born to tend bar, it’s me!”

“Yeah that’s right, Elsie. I’ll say. You were the best.”

“Thanks. But wait a minute. Do I really belong behind a bar when I am fifteen? Obviously not! No 15 year old should be tending bar. But anyway, that’s Saturn Neptune for you. Reality is nebulous. What the hell is reality? Obviously, there is no reality.”

Keep reading…Defining Suffering