My Saturn transit to my natal Venus is beyond exact now and I have to say it was textbook. I wound up making hard core commitments (Saturn) to relationships (Venus) with various people. And you read that commitments made under Saturn transits are not light fare, but serious and lasting. And I most definitely have this sense.

To very specific…I think I am signing on (or off) for 28 years (a Saturn cycle) here! So that is a rather big deal!

Now there is the AMF of course. He is my lover. He is lying low and does not mind being an enigma or whatever else anyone may care to imagine. He’s just that cool. And I am committed to him. In fact, I have told him and anyone else who might be interested that I love him and will never leave him unless he dies or goes irretrievably insane!

I have also (re)committed to Scott, which is a no-brainer. We’ve been friends for 28 years and we’re goin’ around again.

I have committed to my other ex-boyfriend as well. The Special Forces guy. We let go of each other all those years ago, two cocky fools and we’re not going to do it again. Er…well I’m not, that is! I am the one making the commitments here and that’s another thing.

My love (Venus) has integrity (Saturn). I love these people regardless! Regardless of what they do and regardless of how they feel about me. And I have been able to communicate this in plain language because it’s a no-frills thing. I am stuck! I am stuck (Saturn) loving (Venus) these people, no matter what.

And can you see where this a comfort? Well it is. I feel good knowing I don’t have some cheesy-flighty-changed my mind about you, love. I’ve learned (Saturn) that my love (Venus) is hard core and it is transcendent (Venus/Neptune).

So there you go. This is an alternative scenario to all the gloom and doom regarding Venus Saturn in astrology. Nothing bad happened during this transit. I just had to grow up! I had to take responsibility. I had to face a number of fears and I had to commit.

“I am sorry…”

“I am scared…”

“I am going to do x, y, and z when it comes to you, and that is no joke…”

“I don’t care if you turn blue, stand on your head or kill someone, I said! I don’t care! I am still going to love you. You just might as well know this because it is a fact. And you can do whatever you want. What difference is that going to make to me? I will still love you, obviously. Nothing will stop it. That’s just not what love does, that I can see…”

“I have no idea why I love you. Is it because you moved me into the barracks with you? Was it because you held my hand or took me skinny dipping or bought me a nickel beer? Or because you left me your motorcycle or you play the guitar? How do you know things like this? Fact is, this is how it turned out! This is how I feel. That’s all there is to it and all there will ever be to it. I mean, obviously I have these feelings and these are the feelings I have.”

And etc. so forth.

And I have to say it’s been terrific. I feel very incredibly good. And fortunate! And I am inordinately grateful. To love and to be loved, that is. Whew! Because 28 years ago, at the start of this cycle…well, I’d have never thought this possible in a hundred million years. Isn’t that somethin’?

Dear Fiance,

You can block and restrict and whatever else you may think of, and none of it is going to do any good. For one thing, in spite of your Sun Venus in Cancer, you are not this guy’s mother. And even if you were, it still wouldn’t work! And it may help you understand if you take the ‘porn” out of the equation and just think in terms of “addiction” because they all work the same. So lets do that.

Does hiding the bottle from the alcoholic stop them from drinking? It doesn’t. Does hiding the donuts help the overeater? No. Does screaming at someone, “Quit smoking those fucking cigarettes,” do any good? It does not. It doesn’t work when the addict is 16. And you’re 40. So I assume your man is of similar age and what he has is a problem.

He has a problem that you cannot affect in any way at all. Figuring this out… coming to understand this and accept this is your problem. Beyond that, deciding what you want to do is your problem. Do you want to marry a man who is addicted to porn? Personally, I think you should postpone that decision and go educate yourself and I have some leads.

Specific to porn, there is a book out there, “Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families” which is a comprehensive unbiased look at this subject. The whole book is excellent, and includes very good information specific to porn addiction.

Now once you read that book you’re going to know exactly what you’re dealing with and if you still want to deal, then you are going to have to learn about boundaries and co-dependency. Check the Al-Anon model. “I didn’t cause it, I can’t cure it and I can’t control it…” Because this is the reality.

Now it’s possible your man may decide to get help, or to help himself but you know addicts….

Or maybe you don’t but I do. So I’ll tell you. Some of them get sober but many never do. Most never do. And the ones who do manage do so with tremendous struggle and in their own time. And their own time could be years. Or decades!

For example your man may lose you and three more like you before he decides to confront his addiction. Or he may decide relationship is too much trouble just on principle and opt to just stick with his porn for the rest of his life. After all he’s forty-ish, yes? Old habits die hard.

I am sorry I don’t have better news. However I am confident thse ideas will get you moving on this issue… in whichever direction you decide is best.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Split,

Although I appreciate your distress, I do not feel you did the right thing by betraying your father’s confidence – and I imagine on some level you agree with me, or you would not be so agitated. It’s the old “two wrongs don’t make a right”. If you were upset at your father, then you should have confronted him and let it play from there.

Instead, you brought your mother (and your sister) into this and why did you do this? Well let me take a guess.

You are a double Capricorn with a Cancer Moon. In other words, you’re a control freak. You want to call all the shots! So when your father did something you deemed “inappropriate”… something outside the lines, well God help him. His daughter is going to come down on from on high, and I think you can figure out the rest. Here’s my advice:

Apologize to your father. Tell him you made an error in judgment and promise that in the future you will exercise more restraint.

Further, your mother and sister also deserve an apology. See, whatever your father confided in you… well obviously you didn’t like it. But it was you who got the whole family embroiled and for this you need to take responsibility.

Next time? Try something along these lines:

“Dad, why are you telling me this without Mom’s knowledge?”

And then listen. Because you’re not “little” anymore, okay? And there is no excuse for one adult to betray another.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

About that helmet I dented his bike with, I swung it at him at well. For dancing with the girl, this was! The prick! He was totally intending to incite me and got way more than he bargained for when the bouncers of the bar, took me outside.

He followed me out, laughing, clearly proud of successfully provoking me…but then I got hold of the motorcycle helmet.

“You swung that thing at me. You were trying to hit me with it,” he said.

“No kidding. Did I swing it high, or low? Did I swing it at your head or your…”

“Both!”

I laughed. “Well, I’m sorry about that. Good thing you got out of the way! Good thing you ducked.” This is 28 years later. “But really, I shouldn’t have done that,” I said. “I’m sorry.”

“No problem, Els.”

“Really?”

“Really. You were swinging that thing, hard too. You were trying to kill me with it, but we just made up, like always. No matter what happened, we always made up. We went home together that night, it was no big deal.”

He’s right. And I remembered the next morning, I made him some pancakes. I’d dented his bike, see. His prized possession…his motorcycle, so I was a little embarrassed. I was going to make it up to him by being angelic. Because banshee or not, I wanted to keep my boyfriend, right?

“How are those pancakes?” I asked, stupidly. “How’s the sausage? Is it enough? There’s more…”

“Good, Els. This is a great breakfast. Thank you for this excellent breakfast,” he said innocuously. He’s ‚

Dear Suffering,

Yes of course there is hope! The core issue here is your fear… of everything. Fear of going too fast, fear of making a mistake, fear of trusting your feelings… of doing the wrong thing, of being wrong, selfish, a coward, etc. etc. etc.

And my fear is that if you don’t address this, you’re simply going to continue to suffer no matter what you do. So obviously I think you should focus on the fact you are fear-based and at this point, frozen in fear. Not so you can beat yourself up, but so you can begin to heal.

Now I don’t know who jacked you up so bad. I don’t know who gave you such a profoundly strong message that there was something wrong with you, but at this point you are an adult and this is your problem to solve and I’ll tell you how to start to go about this.

You have got to become your own parent… and an exemplary one at that. Now I think I’m a pretty good parent so let me tell you what I tell my kids. I tell them to do whatever they want, as long as it don’t hurt others. I tell them to always trust and honor their feelings. I tell them that love is always a good thing. I tell them to respect other people, always. Their space, their time, their feelings.

When they’re afraid, I sympathize, but ultimately I tell them that it doesn’t matter how scared they are. If they don’t face their fear and do the thing they are so scared to do their life will be very compromised and very painful. I tell them that what they fear will happen almost never does and even if it does, so what? “It won’t end you,” I say. “You’ll still be here and you’ll be a person who knows how to live…”

And I think you ought to start giving yourself similar messages. And it will take time, but you will slowly see improvement. I would also recommend you read everything you can find concerning fear, and conquering it. “Gift Of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker is my favorite.

Do this! Because I can tell you for sure, if you head down this road you will see things improve… your relationships included of course. And one more thing:

Your English is excellent. It’s better than mine, I am sure many would agree. Take care and good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Regarding my ex…the guy with the career in Special Forces. We had spectacular fights. He has Mercury in Aries, opposite my Mars Mercury in Libra. We would fight like hell and then make up in about an hour with no problem, no grudges ever held. In my defense, I was 17 here and just slightly wild.

He writes, recalling our history:

“…and you and I went berserk as usual, arms flailing, wild jesters and cursing, neighbors hiding…”

And…

“…you smashed up my motorcycle with a helmet. We’ll that was explicable, because I tried to make you jealous when you danced with some jock joker, and I immediately went and asked some girl to dance and got on the dance floor right beside you. Again, berserk… the both of us… arms flailing, wild gesticulating, shouting at the top of our lungs, mothers hiding their kids, and dance floor clearing off.”

And..

“One of the girls there said something normal to me, and I responded in normal fashion, and you got pissed, and we both went berserk again, yelling at top of our lungs, wild gesticulating, party clearing out etc…”

And these are all grand memories by the way. We loved to fight! He was Latin and utterly thrilled to find me in the United States willing to go toe to toe with him.

Today on the phone:

“We were fighting from the first day we met. We fought from day one. The day we met we had our first fight,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah. So what. You loved fighting. You were a guy who was just looking for someone to fight with.”

“You fight…”

“No,” I said, interrupting him. “You were looking for someone to fight with. I was only looking for someone who was looking for someone to fight with. See how it’s your fault?”

He didn’t answer that. I think he was befuddled.

My son has inherited my criminal mind. He’s seven years old. He has Mercury in Mars rules Aries (the family Mars Mercury signature) and a Scorpio Mars. And he is one crafty little bastard!

I was in my bedroom when he called me. “Mom!!”

“What? Are you calling me?” I shouted back to him because this is how we are. Loud, that is. We’re loud Italians.

“Come in the bathroom,” he called back.

“Okay.”

I walked in the bathroom and he’s standing there with a huge screwdriver. “Notice anything different?” he asked, pointing at the door knob of the bathroom door.

“There’s no lock,” I said.

“Come with me,” he said. I followed him to his bedroom. “There it is,” he said, pointing at the bathroom door knob, now installed on his door. “I have been wanting a lock for a long time.”

I just shook my head. What a little bastard, you know? Did he ask? Hell no! But how mad can you be when your kid is slick like this? I think it’s much more appropriate to be scared!

And the next day I thought this through. And I can see my kid is just like me. He knows right where the line is. What he can get away with and how he can get away with it.

How long do you think he plotted? Because had he asked…well there is no way I’d have given him permission to do this.

“Hey Mom, can I take the lock off the bathroom and put it in my room?”

“No! Are you crazy?” ::smiles::

And he had to have known that. So here he is thinking, “How am I going to do this…to get what I want?” And then he just decides to go for it.

And I wanted to go to the store when I was kid, living in the middle of nowhere. And I eventually decided the only way to get there was to drive. And considering I was ten years old, I was pretty sure if I asked…

“Hey! Can I drive to the store..?”

Answer? “No! Hell no!”

So I just stole a truck instead, see. And I got away with it, just like my son got away with this door knob thing. Although I am going to buy a new lock for the bathroom and have him install it. And by the way…

How the hell did he learn to change a door knob? Same way I learned to drive a truck, I suppose. Instinct.

So what about you? Any other criminal minds out there? Tell us!

Dear Sex Drive,

I have to disagree with you. Considering you are a Double Leo with Venus in Leo, I think your appearance is actually acutely important to you. And if you doubt that, then just ask yourself why you mentioned it in a post about sex?

Now it sounds like you used to be Queen and further, this is your natural state! And since you no longer dress, take care of yourself or hold court (socialize), I would have to say you are depressed – if not in a clinical sense, then in a sense sense. You know. Where’s your shine, babe? You need to get it back. Now here’s the astrology, which is brilliantly clear by the way:

Saturn is in Leo… transiting conjunct your Sun, Moon and Venus. That’s a hard core transit and I’ll tell you something else.

You have Saturn (suppress) square your Mars (sex drive) in your natal chart and the transit of Saturn has brought this out to live, big time. And I can tell you right now, if you don’t work at this… well it’s going to get worse and worse and worse and lead you right into depression. However, do not despair!

Because as soon as you commit (Saturn) to action (Mars), you will see immediate relief. And the more you “act”, regardless of how difficult it is, the more relief you’ll see. And if you really kick ass, guess what?

End of this Saturn transit: you, your ego, your vanity, your love, and your emotional life will be in the best shape it’s seen in almost 30 years!

So here’s my advice. Get on top the weight gain and for godsakes go shopping. You need to look good (Leo) if you want to feel good (Moon), be vitally alive (Sun) and love well (Venus).

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Pisces,

Is he bisexual? Maybe, but I think that’s the wrong question to be asking. I understand he says he wants a life with you, but why in the hell would you want a life with him?

Let’s see. He’s smokes crank six days a week, eh? Well that right there could explain everything else, don’t you think? Crank is some nasty shit! Could he be insane? He sure sounds it. All the mixed messages? An apparent rape, and then you wake to his giggling with his dick in his hand? This stuff is surreal.

Look. I think your (52 year old) boy has a drug problem to say the very least. And good deal for you, because it makes this a very simple equation. As long as he’s smokin’ that shit, things are going to get worse, not better. I’d venture to say you ain’t seen nothing yet! So what are you going to do?

If it were me, I’d leave tomorrow. And while I was at it, I’d get a therapist. Because you can’t be operating at all that optimum a level yourself to have hooked up with this guy in the first place.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

My kids went to school two days in a row – I’m giddy. I am also going back to yoga class after a three year hiatus and I bet it’s interesting. I quit when the Pluto transit to my Sun came in and I started…well, I started exuding, I guess. Okay I don’t guess. I know. But anyway, I bugged the teacher out.

I was in that class for months… always in front because I can’t see that well without my glasses. And there were no problems at all. But then things started to shift. And the instructor…well it because very clear to me I was annoying him. My energy was annoying his, I mean so I slowly moved to the back of the class.

At first I was a row back, and then two, and pretty soon I would do the class right next to the exit door and it was it this point I knew I wasn’t long for the room. Isn’t that funny?

I thought it was funny. It was like I was fading to black. And I wrote about it back then and also about how I started to repel Aquarians which was something I mourned. Because let’s face it. I like Aquarians. But I could see them start to keep their distance. Which is cool in one way because of the study and all. Astrology alive!

But anyway, I’m going back to class…same instructor. And this time I’ll have Pluto to the Moon. So we’ll see what he thinks of that.

Personally I find the Moon transit much easier transit than to the Sun. It’s disturbing personally, but so? It all happens at such a deep level, people don’t see it like they do with the Pluto transit to the Sun. Which is very queer.

But I am enjoying things “very queer” these days. And looking forward to tomorrow’s class. ElsaElsa, back from the dead! And I know me. It’ll be like I never left.