Outtakes and Various Other Sundries….
This is satori and I, on the phone today. She has a Capricorn Moon:
“You’re doing really well,” I said.
“I had nine months of celibacy and it did me a lot of good,” she said.
“Yeah? I’ve done that. I had nine months of celibacy twice and it didn’t do me any good at all.”
“Nope. Not one bit.”
We were judging the value of our various lessons / deprivations. ::smiles::
How’s that for a Capricorn pastime.
Every time I search for a job, something inside of me cringes. I’ve held several jobs in the past: a cook, a server, an intern at a ceramics studio and an artist apprentice at a comedy theater. I volunteer too, and with volunteering, I go with all my heart. So why do I feel so incompetent when I am at a local art store doing an interview – is it authorities?
In school I managed cunningly and I was always the head of something: a club, campaign, an event.
Is it the issue of money? Am I actually afraid because my parents are workaholics and my mother had gambled into debt? My financial intelligence, I’m aware, does not have to replicate hers.
Or is it the inability to accept social responsibility? Or the fact that now someone has the money to claim me?
I always thought money orchestrated evil (though good opportunities do come). And though I budget and save extremely well, I cannot rid the suspicion of frauds, scams, skyrocketing college tuitions, competition, & Wal-Mart.
It’s an extreme discomfort to me, as if I am against the world that is dishonest. Please help me. I hope to be free and liberated from this worry. Instead of working for jobs, I want to CREATE jobs. Am I just actively avoiding an issue or is the universe cautioning me for something?
Confusion In Job
You’re not that confused. What you are is authentically eccentric. You’ve got a lot of Aquarius and you want to reform and revolutionize. You want to be independent, change the world and live and be your ideals. And I don’t think there is anything wrong with this.
See you’re okay volunteering because if you’re unpaid… if you’re not paid by Wal-mart or any lesser symbol of corporate piggishness, then you are clean. But here’s the rub:
This is not utopia! This is life on earth and it is flawed. And if you are going to “create jobs” and I surely think you should, then you are going to have to “play well with others”. Others who shop at Wal-mart, or work there, or work for someone who supplies them! For that matter, you may have to sell to them yourself! And will cause you extreme discomfort? Of course! But at least you’ll be getting something done!
The fact is the world has problems. And all you can do is influence your sphere. Beyond that, you can make your sphere as large as possible. But often this means compromise of some kind. So these are your choices:
Extreme discomfort and get nothing done.
Extreme discomfort and get something done.
What do you think?
I think you’re a natural leader and you ought to get something done.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Outtakes and Various Other Sundries…
Need to catch up? Part one
And I remember back then…well that boyfriend was poor too! He was in the military and making some ridiculously low salary while living off base. But we were so happy. We had so much fun.
And the he left to go pursue his career in Special Forces and I started dating all these millionaires. A whole string of them, one after another. They just kept finding me and I just couldn’t stand these guys. Oh my God, I loathed them.
And the whole world was telling me the traditional thing. You know. “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man, than it is a poor one.” So I was trying but I wasn’t finding it easy at all! I was finding it impossible!
And I remember coming home one night from a date with some rich, to the point of ridiculous, guy. I’d had such an awful time. What a boring son-of-bitch, you know?
And I was on my motorcycle, in a dress no less! I was nineteen. And it was kind of cold too. It was towards the end of winter in the desert and I had bare legs. I had refused to let the millionaire pick me up, see.
But anyway, I got stopped at a traffic light and I was sitting there, thinking about my “gone now” boyfriend and I just burst into tears. I was just so lost. I couldn’t figure it out. How come I’m so miserable with these millionaires, I wondered. ::sigh:: Crap!
I just felt completely bereft and I’d have done anything in the world right then to have my regular poor boyfriend back. Who needs a fancy dinner? I was happier sitting on the curb next to our motorcycles eating greasy food from a box with him, and my point is this:
What I value is intangible. Totally and completely. I want feel the breath of a man I love on my skin. I’d rather hang with someone funny, than own a Learjet, a yacht or any other luxury you could think of.
And I have been telling people for twenty years, if I won the lottery, I would give all the money away, virtually immediately. And I guess most people don’t believe me. And I hate that, because I’m telling the truth. You just can’t care about things you don’t care about. I don’t know any other way to say it.
So there you go. More Saturn Venus stuff. What has real (Saturn) value (Venus) to you?
I value experience. Good or bad, it makes no difference. And I value nuance and emotion, drama, creativity, music…and not much else. I am entirely disinterested in anything mundane outside of what is essential. In fact, I feel burdened with possessions. They literally make me sad.
This does not mean I don’t want money, because I do! But only so I can give it away!
And what about you? Where is your Venus, and how is aspected? What pleases you? What things in life give you pleasure?
Saturn transits always ask you to define something. In the case of a Saturn transit to Venus, this would be your relationships, your values, your tastes, etc. So last week I was riding around with the AMF. We were talking about money. And I told him I could see where having more resources would be a great help to him. How it would make an enormous difference in his life.
“I don’t feel the same though,” I said. “In fact I’ve been thinking about this. Do you know what I would get if I got a lot of money?”
“Nothing. I can’t even think of one thing that I would want to buy. There is nothing out there that would make me a happier person. Um…what? More clothes than I could possibly wear? I’d just keep writing my blogs. I mean, I would probably get that dent out of my car, I guess. I want a car that runs. I don’t want to be worried about if my car is going to start or something, but other than that, what am I going to do? Get a bigger car? I hate big cars. I hate to shop for anything and everything. The more you have, the more you have to take care of.”
“So what I would do is just keep writing my blog and what’s that take? A computer? I already have one. Scott keeps buying them for me, so now I have two! So I’m good for a long time. And the people around me? Well if they want something, they can just go buy it. They can have whatever money I have – just take it and go make themselves happy, but me? Well there is just nothing for me to do with money, except give it away.”
And this is true. In fact, one look at my chart and I can’t imagine me having any other attitude. Every way you turn it – what I value is the ethereal. And a few years ago my editor HQ bought me a consultation with astrologer Michael Lutin who I greatly admire and have always referred to as “that funny motherfucker”. And I mentioned this on the phone with him. I told him I didn’t care about money and he got real quiet.
I guessed it was because he was trying to figure out if I were serious. Well I have Capricorn, so I am always serious! But you know. Capricorn is supposed to be one money-grubbing son-of-a-bitch so there was a pause. And I could almost feel his wheels turning. “Is this chick crazy, or…”
I got the idea he thought he ought to suspend judgment. It was like he was staring at the chart, thinking it was possible I was stating an actual fact. So he didn’t push it and either did I. We just went on with the consultation. And anyway, this is another manifestation of my Saturn transit. And right now, my ex from 28 years ago is reading my book. And he is at the part in the book when he knew me and it says it right in there…I state this plainly, as a teenager:
“This was a constant financial drain, so I was exceedingly poor. Not that I much cared about that because believe me, I didn’t.”
So you can see, it’s always been this way. It’s just not the thing on my mind.
Skip to part two…
I am a 27 year-old, gay female. I just got out of a 4 year relationship, and I’m moving, getting a new job, and starting over. I have no friends and no money, but I do have debt.
My relationship ended when my partner was unfaithful to me after 4 years of being together. I was stunned she had done this. I stayed in this relationship because she was responsible and I was so sure she would be faithful. But she was emotionally unavailable to me. Over time, this caused me a lot of sadness and loneliness. What’s more, everyone I have ever been in a relationship with has been unfaithful.
Now I long for loyalty, real intimacy, and passion. I have to almost believe that this last relationship didn’t last because there is someone that is more suited for me that I am supposed to spend my life with. Could this be true? It is important to me that my partner be financially stable. Am I doomed to repeat this pattern of being the fool? I wonder if I will ever be enough for anyone.
At this point in my life, everything is question. Will I be successful? Will I find true intimacy and loyalty in a partner?
I am sorry you’ve been betrayed and I think it is very normal for you to be asking these types of questions. Of course I think you can find intimacy and loyalty in a relationship, but keep in mind almost none of us manage this right out of the gate! Right? How many people do you know, still hooked up with their high school sweetheart ten years down the road, or twenty years down the road? That is a rare event! So please be willing to be realistic, because almost no one manages this by 27 years old either!!
Now at 27, by the astrology model, you are just growing up. “Adulthood” is marked by the Saturn return which occurs at about 29 years old. Up until this time you are still forming and this should give you some hope not otherwise! You are still trying to figure it out! How you are going to be in this world. How you’re going to make it.
Specific to your chart, Aries sun aside, you have a lot of Leo and Scorpio which means you are going to be under a Saturn transit for the next three years. And during this time you will feel pressured to define yourself. What works for you and what doesn’t?
And you’re going to be tired. Because this work is hard. You’ll want to give up, but don’t do that! This is a critical time in your life and the work you do now is going to set you up for the next thirty years! Seriously.
Now regarding your relationships, you’ve about got it down, and I’ll read this back to you to give a jump start:
You have Venus in Pisces, the best Venus you can buy, but it’s opposed by Saturn and I’ll explain.
Venus in Pisces yearns for a perfect union. It also represents the side of you that is so full of faith. You write: “I have to almost believe that this last relationship didn’t last because there is someone that is more suited for me that I am supposed to spend my life with.”
Can you see how ethereal this is? Very soul mate-ish. Then enter Saturn:
There has to be rules! There has to be commitment! There has to be financial (Venus) stability (Saturn)!! See that? That is you.
And when a planet transits a chart (in this case, Saturn) it sets off the natal situation. And this has occurred. Currently, you are deprived (Saturn) of relationship (Venus). You are scared (Saturn) you will not be loved (Venus). And my point is that for the next three years this is going to be in your face. Why? So you can work it out! And when you work it out…
Well, this is when you will find the love you are looking for. And don’t mistake me. You may meet her tomorrow! But you’re not going to get it right in some kind of flash of magic. You’re going to get it right because you do the plodding hard work. You’ll get it right because of the effort you’ll make, one step a time and yeah. I think you’ll do it! I think you’re going to be fine.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Tessy asks regarding my Saturn transit:
I was just wondering while reading this post, about how your Saturn transit was when you were younger, like a teenager, you must’ve gone through the same transit then, right? So are those patterns repeating now? Because as you said Saturn is about karma. I’ve really no idea on this issue but I’m kind of curious. I meant is there any connection between these two?
Tessy, hell yes there is a connection! I am in contact with two of my ex-loves from the era…from nearly 30 years ago, the last time Saturn was in Leo! And it’s damned fine too. I am learning that real (Saturn) love (Venus / 7th house) lasts. Because the love that was there then, still is!
And as for karma…well I never betrayed either man. And they never betrayed me. Both relationships had integrity in this way and today I get to find out both men remember me with much love and affection. It is helping me see my real (Saturn) value as a partner (Venus).
Now I loved the living shit out of both these men and vice versa. So why didn’t it work out? This is all being discussed. What were the limits (Saturn) in the relationships (Venus) that caused them to fail?
And what about now? Can we be friends? What kind of relationship can we have now? Considering how highly we value each other, how can we support each other in the present day? And what is emerging is wonderful.
We are still up to our necks in the muck but we’re both happy about it and I have to think we’re going to find a way to stay in continuous contact. And even if we don’t I know he’s there anyway (lurking). And he’s well aware he can come periscope up at any time and I will respond to him, just like I know he will always respond to me.
So yeah. There’s definite cycle here and I can tell you there is nothing in world like having someone tell you that they still love you, 30 years after the fact and feeling the same way. And if I had jacked these men up somehow, or them me, I don’t think this would be happening, do you?
Sometimes, for some people, “I love you,” really means, “I LOVE YOU.” And if you find yourself one of these people…well the word for me is “ecstasy”. And to be a person like this, same thing!
So there you go. Saturn transit to Venus and I am not surviving, but thriving. And obviously if I treated people like shit…well I would probably be deprived (Saturn) of relationship (Venus) to teach my sorry ass a lesson! Which would also be good, yes? Because it would pressure me to look at how I treat others.
The universe is always acting in your best interest. Always! And apparently I am a little light on the self esteem…on how I value myself (Venus) so here comes support (Saturn). From the AMF and just in case I’m mixed up (and with Venus square Neptune, I generally am) here comes additional support from 28 years ago.
What can I say? Thank you, God.
My only hope now is that I continue to warrant and deserve this kind of love and respect and devotion. I will try, and humbly so.
Fear of Commitment? Boyfriend Making Excuses Around Getting Married: Cancer Sun, Venus Saturn Conjunction
I have been dating a man for six months. We have been close friends for three years, but I’m noticing that he has a very hard time talking about the future. Anytime I bring up marriage or future issues, he changes the subject or puts me off with excuses. He is in a job transition at the moment, and things are a little insecure in that department. I agree with that. But they certainly are not insecure with me (financially), so I can not see what the big issue is.
The other thing is that he is 40. He was married for 10 years but divorced 12 years ago. I just do not think he will ever commit.
Any advice on how to approach the issue or should I lay off for a while? I just don’t want to be the fool who is strung along for years, only to be let down.
No I don’t think you should lay off, provided you know what you want. Do you want to be married? Are you sure of this? If you are sure this is what you want, then it is completely reasonable for you to communicate this to your boyfriend, and at 40 years old he ought to be able to respond and let you know if he has a similar desire.
Now from the tone of your email, it does seem you are trying to herd him somewhere he is not really wanting to go. But backing off in an attempt to take the pressure off him with the hopes of advancing your agenda… well, this is where you will be getting into trouble.
See, it’s all very false. You’re going to act like you don’t care if you marry or not and then if he doesn’t marry you, you’re going to cry foul? See how jacked up that is?
I say if you really want to marry, then you need to invest in a marriage-minded man. And if this guy is not inclined in that direction, you need to find that out so you can move along and the best way to do that is directly. Work to get, work to keep! Remember that. But beyond all this, here’s a little tip regarding your chart:
You have conflicting desires around this issue of marriage, like so many of us do. You’re a Cancer with a Venus Saturn conjunction and you definitely want commitment for security purposes but this is not the whole book on you.
You’re got other indications of being a freedom loving commitment-phobe yourself and I think he is living this side of you. Get it? He doesn’t commit which spares you having to commit!
Just think about it, okay? Think about having this guy committed to you 100%. Can you feel the itch?
And I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that some people spend a whole hell of a lot of time chasing something they think they want, when what will really satisfy them is a whole different deal.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Outtakes and Various Other Sundries…
Have you seen Harvey Sid Fisher’s Astrology songs?
I’m a single mom to a little girl, almost one year old. I have been taking care of her since she was born, with some help from my mom and stepdad. We are still breastfeeding, and she is eating fruits and veggies.
I have been hired as a 9th grade English teacher for this school-year. This will mean that my daughter will be cared for by another. I have found a caretaker whom I can trust. I feel it’s right to take the job, but I am afraid to leave my daughter. I feel guilty too, because I planned to raise her full time as top priority.
How can I deal with the fear of leaving my daughter?
First off, you should know that anyone in your situation would have a struggle. You have been joined with your baby for close to two years. How could you not be anxious? So relax about the feelings you’re having. Something would be dramatically wrong if you were not experiencing them.
Now regarding the fear, it may help if you can better define it. Considering you have found a caregiver you trust (no small feat for a Scorpio), just exactly what is it you’re afraid of? How about I take a guess?
Are you are afraid what people might think of you? Are you afraid people might think you are a bad mother? Well then, just say it right out. That’s what scares you! And then you can deal with it rationally and I can help.
First, you’re a single mother. You have to support your baby!! Going to work is making her a priority! But further, these are facts:
There are people who are cut out to be stay-at-home moms. They love it! They love every minute of it. They like to homeschool. They thrive in this role and guess what? You’re not one of them! You are you, and I assure you that your daughter has the right mother, not the wrong one. So your main job as a parent is to manifest yourself completely, to set an example for your daughter so she is empowered to do the same. Sound right?
And so what I think is happening here is this: Your Scorpio “feels” taking the job is the best path (and I agree). However, your Capricorn side – which is pronounced by the way – feels guilty for wanting to achieve in the world… something beyond parenting. And bottom line, you are going to have to accept yourself. Your nature, that is.
It’s really too bad women judge each other. The ones who work outside the home assume the ones who don’t are lazy. The ones who work inside the home think similar about the ones who go to work. You know. They are escaping their family duties.
The fact is some women don’t have a choice one way or the other. Lack of money can force either situation into being, but more importantly every woman is an individual! And some of us thrive in the workplace while others thrive at home. And the only thing that matters for our sons and for our daughters, is that we thrive, period. So here’s my advice:
Go to work. If people judge you, assume they are ignorant. Because they are.
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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