Dear Desperate,

Straight away, you need to let go of the guy. Never mind what happened two years ago. He is making it abundantly clear that he does not want a relationship with you. He’s not investing at all, so I am afraid the idea of growing old with him is pure fantasy – and it’s diluting you and your energy.

All these days you spend thinking and pining about something that is never going to happen… it consumes resources on all levels. This energy could be used to solve your problems and create a happier life for yourself. And if you can recover these resources, you’ll have a chance here.

Now as to your options, if you can obliterate this fantasy man from your landscape, what is left? Is your marriage salvageable? How unhappy are you, and why? Why don’t you have the strength to leave your husband and how can you find the strength if this is the direction you want to take?

Can you see that focusing on questions like these would be much more productive than dreaming up some guy who has left the building? I highly recommend you wean yourself off this guy, because he and the idea you will ever have a life with him is a pure hologram. Instead, invest in yourself. Get a therapist for example. Get someone who can help you sort through your feelings about your marriage. These are the things that will pay off.

Good luck.

~~
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It’s Cancer season! Here’s a link to inspired gifts for Cancers by Shelterrific.

Please post other ideas in the comments. We came up with a pretty good list for Gemini last month…

Teenager, I am similar to you. I am not the same. I am not nearly as challenged, but I do think relaying my experience will help you out.

See, I am an intense piece of work. I obviously am. I am one of the most freakishly badass intense people you could ever meet, but I don’t look it. Like you, my first handshake is very misleading.

And I didn’t know this for years. I just went out in the world the way you do, the way everyone does and had no idea why people initially interested in me became repulsed… or whatever it was that happened. And it was my sister who tipped me off.

“It’s your fault,” she said some dozen years ago. “You go out there with your dimples and your innocuous maiden clothes and people think this is who you are. So these men glom all over you and God help them when they find out who they’re really dealing with.”

“Hmm…” I said, bluffing to get more info. And I’m glad I did. Because this is when she said the thing that tipped it all for me:

“And how are you supposed to find a peer, dressed up in your nun clothes? I just don’t think it’s very sporting of you,” she said. “And I never have. You should be a lot better sport.”

“Whaaat?” I had to laugh. My sister had just called me a bad sport! And I have enough Sagittarius… well I was offended! And a few seconds after that I realized she was right. Crap! And her solution?

Well, she thought I should show some cards up front. Quit playing “maiden”. Right away, identify myself as a force. And I have done this with excellent results. Like this:

To disclose my eccentricity I stopped wearing generic clothes. Safe clothes, are out. I mention up front, early on in meeting someone, my key interests. Sex. Astrology. Relationships. Etc. You get the idea. “How are things going, Elsa?” they ask on the way into the gym. “Another day of living hell,” I say with a smile. I just lay it out and let people decide whether we’re going forward or not.

And you can do the same thing. Like mine, your ascendant complex, your first handshake is attractive. People like it. And lucky for us, huh? We ought to have something going for us! And you can and should exploit this. The fact you make friends easily, I mean. You can use your first handshake to disclose yourself and I think if you do this, they’ll far fewer “accidents” or rejections after the fact.

“My name is Teenager and I am unfortunately complex,” you could say.

And can you see how that could repel the superficial, the people who want to just go through the motions, but attract the people you really want in your life? I hope so.

And this is not going to happen in a day. But over time you can get this down to where it’s second nature to you. And you know why I’m so confident? It’s because I can see all the parts of the “whole” you in your chart and this method serves them all. Like this:

-Your Aquarius is served because it’s unexpected. People will be surprised and you like that.
-Scorpio is served because you get to observe their reaction.
-Sagittarius is served because you are blurting the ‘truth” of who you are
-Capricorn is served because people who will reject you are weeded out up front…very effectively limiting painful losses.

And anything that serves all like that is going to be hard to dismiss!

And I am very clever to have figured this out. :smiles:

That’s my braggart Leo side, talking to yours.

Have a good life!

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

A guy who specializes in helping people with porn addiction guy showed up on the blog, so I thought that was cool.

And here is a blog, strictly for Aquarians, and people interested in Aquarians – Aquarian Digest Gifts, compatibility, how to seduce…etc. Check it out!

So Teenager, first I want to say I reject questions sometimes for being too “personal reading-ish”. And then I come along with a blog like this that is exactly that. This information is pertinent to you. But there is method here.

Your chart is a very strong representation of various energies. You’re a super specimen, you could say. And people will see themselves in you. But it’s also because you’re a teenager. And if you are willing to expand yourself by asking a question like this and absorbing the answer, it leaves a thirty year old no excuse!

So what you’re got is a stellium in Scorpio. That’s a mother lode of the sign and this would be the part of you that is very demanding in relationships. But it is not this side of you that goes out and makes the friends “easily” in the first place. That’s your Aquarius rising.

The rising sign shows a person’s first handshake. And Aquarius as a rule is very social and accepting and all people. And they are skilled at putting people at ease, so you can start to see the problem setting up here. The airy side of you (the intellectual side) goes out in the world and meets and greet and meanwhile where is Scorpio? Lying in wait? ::smiles:::

Now that right there is enough to keep you challenged for a lifetime. Because Aquarius and Scorpio don’t get along!! One of them is ultra detached, the other devouring! Problem? Hell yes.

But the plot is even thicker. You’ve got considerable Sagittarius energy as well. And what’s that want? It wants to get around! It wants to travel. It does not want to be tied down, no way, no how. Hmmm..

Last you have a Capricorn Moon. Conjunct Saturn in Capricorn no less! And lemme tell you, this is a conjunction that will not be ignored!! What you didn’t mention in your post is you feel like crap when this phenomena happens with your friends and various relationships. The rejection has got to be nearly unbearable.

But take heart. I have a plan! That’s a Capricorn thing by the way. We plan. We have to. Our lives are so difficult, we face such incredible impediment, that we simply have to plot a course or we’ll never get up the hill. So I’m coming back tomorrow with my idea on how you might navigate all this.

To be continued

skip to part three
~~
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Here’s a quote I missed, related to metaphysics:

Letter to May January 27 1950

“…My brother woke up at two in the morning and said his heart was not working right. His son is going to be a doctor so he came down and listened to it with his stethoscope and it sounded all right. Then perspiration came out on his chest and they called a doctor but he was dead before the man got there. He had Berger’s disease in his foot and has had diabetes for many years but we never guessed there was anything wrong with his heart. I feel his long years of smoking may have had something to do with it.

It was with him in mind that I ordered the reprints from RG. But he will not need one now and I am circulating them here among friends. I am determined to communicate with him next summer if I have to visit every medium out there.”

~~
And for the record, these quotes come from a collection I’ve transcribed from Henry’s letters, of which there are many hundreds. I have them dating from about 1915 but he really started saving all correspondence in the late 40′s, making a carbon copy of everything whether he typed or written longhand.

I vividly recall him postponing answering a letter because he was out of carbon paper, forcing a trip to “town”. Because we lived in the desert, everyone knows that, right?

And at first he stored the letters in boxes but eventually bought a large filing cabinet and kept the letters organized. He was a professor of library science, remember? And he made it very clear that letters were private. He taught us that although he saved everything he composed, it would be highly inappropriate to save a letter someone else wrote.

On being vegetarian:

Letter to my mother October 8 1956

“…I am still getting along without meat and feel just as strong as ever. I think it is wrong to kill and eat animals. I think it is murder to kill any form of life and when we eat what we kill it is actually cannibalism. Over 3 million people in this country eat no meat and among them are some of the strongest people we have. Horses are strong, bulls are strong and none of them ever eat any meat. Meat is an excellent protein food, but there are other protein foods that don’t have the disadvantages of meat…”

Letter to “Ticky” May 7th 1959

“….. Like Albert Sweitzer I have a reverence for life and will not even kill a snake. Did you know that there is a statement that snakes will not bite vegetarians? It is said they know by instinct which person is a meat eater. I have read much concerning the ancient Kahunas of Hawaii and I am inclined to agree with them, that there is only one sin, TO HURT SOMEONE. My only fear in life is that I may hurt someone. I will go to any sacrifice to avoid an altercation.”

skip to part eight…

Dear Teenager,

You’re very smart to have picked up on this pattern at such a young age. And no. I don’t think you are picking the wrong friends. You are choosing the people who will best facilitate your growth, provided you do exactly what you are doing. Examine it, that is.

Now the way it works, what all of us do, is pick people who are living various parts of our natures that are unconscious, or otherwise unexpressed. And I’ll give you an example.

Some years ago, I married a guy who lived in a shack with a $50,000 stereo. He was an obvious “eccentric” and I thought I was very plain and normal.

But wait a minute! Isn’t any woman who marries a Shack Man just a tad eccentric herself? Eureka! What an awakening when I figured this out. All my friends are crazy! Jeez. Might I be crazy too? Duh.

So in your case, you’ve got several things working here. Major parts of your personality that you need to understand, accept and integrate. And I suspect you have limited awareness of them so what I’m going to do is come back tomorrow and outline this for you. I’m just going to turn all the lights on and with your basic nature more fully in your conscious awareness, I have no doubt you will see radical change in your relationship patterns.

To be continued.

skip to part two.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Wife,

Yes, this will pass. It is passing now. But your chart shows a very complex Venus (love) profile and I imagine once this passes, a similar scenario will set up. Because get this:

If you went with the Scorpio friend, this would not solve your problems. Instead, I guarantee you that before long, this whole business would constellate again. What business?

Well, your Venus in Pisces feelings of divine discontent. You feelings of being sacrificed. Also, your feelings of being deprived shown by the Saturn square to Venus in your chart. If you doubt this, just think about it.

You have a kind and generous husband, but how do you feel? You feel like you! You feel like you’re not getting enough. You feel yearning and set upon…the grass is greener on the other side and all that. And if you plug a different man in the slot, will it change your feelings? It won’t. Because these are your feelings.

If this is hard to understand, it may help to look at a situation outside yourself, so how about I use myself as an example. I am freedom loving son-of-a-bitch. I just am. But I crave relationship. And these things are hardwired.

So what do you think happens? I get hooked up and inevitably I want out! Not every day, but maybe every other day. ::smirks:: And do you think this has to do with the man? It doesn’t. I don’t care who you are. I am still going to have my freedom urges.

So for me and you (and everyone else) it’s a case of “wherever you go, there you are…” So you might want to start thinking along these lines. Get yourself conscious around how you are strung inside, because if not…

Well, back to me. Do I really want to run through men, ten a year? Three a year? Or even one a year? All because I am looking for a situation, or a man I will never want to escape, who does not even exist? I don’t think so. Much better to know yourself excellently well.

And I am not telling you to stay and suffer in your marriage. I am just saying, I think you’ll benefit by looking deeper.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

With Mars hotting up Saturn (and square Jupiter and opposing Chiron, OUCH) today, the manifestations of this transit are vast and varied. For example, it is June in Colorado and I felt so cold this morning, I had to turn on the heat! And doors are closing…or at least I think they are. You know. It’s like I’m in a in a hallway (my life) and I see a door. It looks wide open, but when I try to go through it, I am blocked. “Nope! Not you. Not now!” Crap!

Feelings of rejection result. Pretty intense feelings actually. And then I learn the door is not closed after all.

Well, it may be or it may just be delay! Which is another theme. Anything even remotely having to do with a “partner” has slowed to a crawl if not a complete standstill. And as frustrating as this is, at times I can see it’s in my best interest. Because I can see things have to shake out. Things have to become apparent and then crystallize in their new form and this is something that takes as long as it takes.

In fact, this reminds me of an analogy satori used some years ago. It’s like I’ve planted all these seeds. And I’ve watered and cared for them. I am talking about relationships with people, here. So anyway, some of these seeds are going grow. Er…like an Oak tree.

Deeply rooted, that tree is not going anywhere. It can withstand the elements. But the seeds alongside it may fail. And there is nothing I can do. I can’t stand over a certain seed and root and cheer, cajole and threaten. What’s meant to be will happen…period.

When Saturn conjuncts a planet (in this case, my natal Venus) things come home to roost. Which relationships (Venus) are real (Saturn)? I’m going to find out! And it’s a bit of a terror, with Neptune involved. Some of these things are head fakes! And with the conjunction in Leo, there has got to be drama involved.

It all reminds me of Alfred Hitchcock (a consummate Leo). It’s like I’m living in this huge movie and now I get to see how it ends up! Doesn’t that sound sort of terrifying? It does to me. The movie ends, the lights come up and there I’ll be wherever I am, eyes wide and frozen in the yellow light. Crap!

So what about you? Anyone have stories they can share?

Read more…

Dear Loveless,

I’ll tell you what’ll help. Getting over the idea something is wrong with you will help tremendously when it comes to attracting a partner. And if you have any question about this, check these two personal ads I am going to make up:

Single Female who feels inferior seeks partner. Will need tons of shoring up and buckets of reassurance…

Or how about this:

Single female, ready to rock!

Which ad would you answer, hmm?

Look. You have Venus conjunct Saturn in your chart. It is almost given that you will be plagued with feelings you are broken in some way – but how you handle them is within your control. And at this stage in your life, these feelings really can be managed. But you will have a job of it! Like this:

“I suck.”

When you have thoughts like that, you have counteract them with facts. “No I don’t. I have done a lot of work on myself. I am worthy of love.

“There is something wrong with me.”

No shit! There is something wrong with everyone. It’s okay to be human… be worried, etc. I am fine the way I am.

And let’s say you’re on a date with some guy. You may have to struggle with the negative messages that surface. You may have to pound them down, right there on the date, but if you do this work, eventually it will become second nature. What you can’t do, is expect someone else to do this for you.

So I would start with some sort of affirmation, everyday. Look in the mirror each morning. My favorite message (to myself) is this: “I will not forsake you.” I like this because it reminds me I am responsible, and in control.

And if you understand that feeding the idea you are inferior is ultra, ultra damaging to you and the people around you, then you might realize that battling this tendency is your number one priority, each and every day. And if you do something everyday, the idea that you’ll get good at it is pretty much a given.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!