Scorpio (Ben) and the 8th house (me) are known to be attracted to anything taboo. Whatever you’re not supposed to know – you want to know it. Whatever you’re not supposed to do, must of course be done. Er…leave no stone unturned.

We were on the phone, wrapping up after two hours…

“Thanks for the chat, Ben.”

“Well thank you, Elsa!” he said. “Though I have to say, it was more satisfying for me than it was for you.”.

“Really?” I asked.

“Well, yeah. I got more information out of you than you did out of me.”

I snorted. “Hey Ben. Are you a Scorpio?”

~~

A few days later, we were talking again. One time we dressed me up as a man, so I could go out with him and see gay men in their “habitat”. I still can’t believe I talked him into this, but I did. And then a dozen years passed. We were on the phone, and I was reading him something I’d written about some odd-ish thing I’d done.

“Remember that night we went out?” I asked.

“Why would I know anything about that?” he said

I just laughed.

But it came up again some months down the road:

“I still can’t believe I did that. I’m amazed,” he said.

“I’m glad you did.”

“I am glad I did too. I don’t know if I could do it again though. That was a one time thing.”

“That’s what you said then.”

He laughed. “Well I meant it. Once and never again! You got a lot out of that, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I am glad you did, because that was hard for me to do.”

“Uh huh.”

We were both quiet and I took the opportunity to think back. I had worked him for weeks. For years, really.

See, we used to talk about his gayness all the time. I was in my young twenties and completely enthralled. We talked until we were blue, about things people never ever talk about, but then I got hung up on this habitat idea and I was just hell bent.

Because Ben had shared his experience with me. He shared his perceptions of various nuance of his gay life to the nth degree. Mostly around the fact there is no estrogen in the equation. And this was fascinating to me.It was access to something I have no access to, right? Because as soon as I get there, what am I? I’m Estrogen!

So anyway, I was rabidly curious and after awhile, what he was offering was just not enough. I wanted to witness! I wanted to experience what he did, firsthand so I could have my own perceptions and an idea began to percolate.

See, Ben had had drawn conclusions, but I wanted to draw my own. And once I had the thought, I was after him like some kind of pit bull to deliver me this opportunity…which believe me, he thought was completely outrageous and out of the question, at least initially.

It was outrageous. And I could plainly understand this, but for some reason, I just kept pushing. I had a whole explanation; of course. I had no trouble articulating why I thought this should happen… why I thought he should expose me to his world. Like this:

“Just tell me one reason, why.”

“Well Ben, I can a lot more than one reason. I can think of many reasons. What I can’t think of is any reason not to do this…” And from there, I would explain and he would listen. I was talking to his Aquarius for the most part. The social experiment – progressive factor of my idea.

And I made sense. I almost always make sense if you pay attention to me and eventually a crack in his faÆ’