On Moderating Comments and the Pisces on the Porn Blog
Outtakes and Various Other Sundries…
Baxter noted his comment was moderated and I wanted to respond.
All comments are moderated on this blog and I will tell you exactly why. It’s because this is an advice blog. And consequently, it is dependent on the people who send the questions, so protecting them is of paramount concern. Now here’s the story.
I post some of my advice blogs to blogcritics…some three months in arrears. And the comments over there are not moderated. So one day I posted a blog and the gal who wrote the question got positively slammed. She was called a ‘stupid bitch” for one thing. And some other churched-out wing nut suggested she go get herself raped at a biker bar, all because she was unhappy in her marriage and wanting to divorce.
Well, hell. People rarely comment over there and when they do, it is usually to flame me which doesn’t bother me in the least. But this other was horrible. And I don’t know what happened with that one post. For all I know, the blog was linked to some conservative board somewhere and they organized an attack. But in whatever case, it sure got my attention.
See, I need questions to maintain this blog. And if the people who send them are injured, then they aren’t going to write. So this is why the comments are moderated. Do you wonder the rules? Well they’re simple:
No attacks on the people asking questions!
Anything else is fair game and to date nothing has been censored. Nothing. But I have to say, the gal on the porn blog, the Pisces…well she took some heat. And it made me very uncomfortable.
I wondered if I should do something. I wondered if I should write to defend her or stop the comments. It was a real dilemma for me.
I didn’t want her hurt, but I also did not want to censor anyone. And I know that given time and space, frequently these things resolve themselves. Someone will step in to defend the person being attacked for example. So I did nothing and boy was I glad when she showed up to defend herself.
But not everyone is going to be able to do that. And they should not have to. People are not writing me so they can be attacked by a mob, like what happened on blogcritics that day.
My editor and I are trying to find a balance. This blog is fairly new and comments have only been enabled for about a month so “policy” around this is still being developed. But I can tell you this for sure:
People need to be able to ask questions and have some assurance of safety. And I will protect that over a person’s right to pontificate.
So how do you think we’re doing? All input is welcome and very much appreciated.
9 Responses to “On Moderating Comments and the Pisces on the Porn Blog”
I think comments should be restricted to Elsa’s postition on the question, and not the question itself, because the person didn’t ask everyone else’s advice.
I think that one of the drawbacks of allowing comments anywhere online is that the stupid seem to revel in their basic facelessness. So they can ‘speak’ without the forethought they would give if the person were in front of them. Sadly, they are the first one up in arms if they get their karmic due.
I don’t mind that you moderate comments. This is your site, and it would have to be really bad for you to decide it shouldn’t show up. I really like reading the other comments, too, because sometimes I don’t have to say anything at all! 
Everything you said was on point. And I feel badly that I prejudged the Pisces gal about the internet porn. If she reads this, I apologize.
I’m restricting myself to posts where questions are addressed to the peanut gallery.
Elsa does a great job with brief, helpful advice about direct questions. I’m here to appreciate that method, not comment on it.
gee…i never really thought of any of my own comments as attacking because i don’t consider myself a mean person. i’m blunt, yes. i disagree with people sometimes, yes. but being part of some sort of attacking mob that hurts others is not how i see myself. it’s upsetting to even consider possibly being perceived that way.
I certainly think it’s alright if you need to moderate comments. This is your space. I wouldn’t want to make myself vulnerable by exposing my weaknesses publicly while in search of help and then come back to find I’ve been ripped a new one by the “peanut gallery”. I think those who use this space need a layer of protection.
At the same time, thinking of myself only, sometimes I need to hear that my sights are set too high or that my expectations are unreasonable or that there really are worse things than what I am upset about.
With the Pisces porn blog, we were hearing about this perfect man and his discovered flaws. It was hard to not feel badly for this man. I think that’s what caused the comments to be less than gentle. We weren’t able to relate to the Pisces but we were able to relate to her man and the seemingly undue trouble he was in.
I see nothing wrong with moderating comments. This isn’t just the usual sort of blog, after all. Personally, I don’t often feel the need to comment. After all, they aren’t asking MY opinion!
Since I normally read the feeds, I don’t view comments unless I’m unusually interested in the question/answer or if I feel I can offer something (a different perspective, or just extra support from someone who’s been there).
I think that moderating the comments is perfectly viable, and even necessary for those that might get slammed. Someone asking for advice on a heartfelt question shouldn’t be disrespected for a perceived flaw.
On the other hand, I don’t ask questions here and not expect to get feedback from some people that think I’m (shallow) (immature) (unreasonable) (whatever). Then again, I’m confrontational and THRIVE on it, so my p.o.v. might be skewed. (Can anyone here tell I have Libra? 
)
I think this site, comments or not, is awesome. And if it makes you happy to moderate, then, by all means, do it! Because it doesn’t bother us one eentsy bit, and it might save someone you’re trying to help from being needlessly, carelessly hurt. In my not-so-humble opinion, I think you’re doing a bang-up job, and I’m just happy to watch you work.
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A very thorough and reasonable explanation. We love the blog and wouldn’t want it to go down in flames due to some flamers needing to bring someone down with them.
Yours Thankfully,
Hannah