Getting Scotty Out Of Houses…

I pulled up outside Scott’s current hovel. I saw his Volkswagen parked in front and there were no other cars around, so I was pretty sure he was alone. If not, I’d just leave, but considering there was no other car…

Well I was pretty sure I was the only person who would ride in his, and I was sure hoping I wouldn’t have to. It was fun when I was fifteen, but I was twenty two now, and very sophisticated.

I’d still get in his car, but only to be polite because I have that wee bit of Libra.

I knocked on the door. Loud, the way I do. Bam! Bam! Bam!

“WHO IS IT!” I heard him yell out. “Whaddya ya want?”

He sounded angry.

“Scotty! Hey Scotty. It’s me. It’s Elsa. Are you gonna let me in?”

His voice changed. “Elsie? The Elsiebabe? Is it you? Are you really out there?’

“Yes! Are you going to open the door or what? I’m standing out here.”

“Yes! Yes of course. I was just making sure it was you. I can’t believe you’ve come to see me.”

“Oh for chrissakes. What do you mean? Open the door, Scott.”

“I’m coming,” he yelled out. “Don’t go anywhere. I’m just trying to straighten up. Uh…it’s a mess in here. I wasn’t expecting you. Well, I was expecting you sometime, but not today!”

I laughed. “I know. I know, okay? Just open the fuckin’ door, would you? I’m sick of standing here. I feel like an idiot standing out here! I don’t care if it’s a mess. Just open the damned door!”

I had the urge to kick, but heard locks turning. Okay! The door opened and Scott peeked out.

“Elsie! It is you. It’s you! I was just thinking about you.”

I roared. “I know. I know you’re thinking of me. Can I come in? Am I coming in or what? Invite me for godsakes!” I started to laugh.

“Uh, yes. Yes of course. But it really is a mess…”

He stepped back so I could come inside. Ack! It was a cyclone situation. Crazy bastard.

“Uh…sorry. I didn’t know you were coming. If I did, I’d have cleaned the place up.”

I shook my head. “How are you, Scotty?”

“Better! Especially since you’ve stopped by. Are we going to get back together? Recently I’ve been wondering if I would see you again and now here you are.”

“Yeah. Well I wanted to see you.”

“You did? I’m ecstatic! And here I am, baby! How do I look?”

I shook my head. “You look like Scott. Of course you look good. Just move something so I can sit down, would you? I was going to screw you but I don’t see how that’s possible in here.” I looked around with a smirk. “Do you want to go to lunch, instead? How about it? And we can take my car, okay?”

~~
And I realized as I’ve been posting these, that it’s twenty years later and nothing has changed. Today, we live in different states, but I call him:

Briiinnnng! Briiiiiiiinnnng!

“Hello?”

“Scott! What are you doing? I’m calling you. How’s your mother? Is she down the street?”

He laughs. “I’m meeting her for lunch later…and then I’m coming to Denver to see you, baby!”

I roar laughing. “You aren’t coming to Denver. Your mother will never allow it! Your leash isn’t long enough. Tell her hi though, would you?” I laugh, because she hates my guts.

“She’s getting worried, that I’m talking to you,” he says just to set me off. “She says you’re emotionally dependent on me,” he adds, like throwing gas on a fire.

“Oh for crying out tears! That’s ridiculous. She’s the one who goes insane, every time her boy is more than three blocks away. She is the one who has kept custody of her son, for his whole life. But never mind all that. How are you anyway? Are you good?”

~~
and this…

“I told my mother I was going to put you in my will. I’m leaving you everything, baby.”

I laughed. “I bet she loved that shit. What did she say?”

“She said, over my dead body.”

I laughed so hard, tears came. “Well you tell her I am sorry. Sorry I have jacked up her son for all his life and everything. Jeez. You just told her that to piss her off.”

“No I didn’t. Well, maybe I did.”

We both laugh.

“I don’t know why she hates you so much,” he said. “I don’t know why she has such a problem with you.”

“Yes you do! I tried to take her man. I walked in her bar and got a job when I was fifteen and that was that. She’s been made to suffer ever since. Anyway, never mind. That’s all I have. I was just calling to say hi. See you, Scott.”

“See you, Elsie. Take care.”