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Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

November 16th, 2005 @ 4:31 am by Elsa

Dear Elsa,

I’ve been feeling so insecure and sad these days. I’ve been in a relationship with a Virgo guy for 6 months or so and I’m been consumed with thoughts about what’s next. I feel we are stuck and my needs are not met.

My best friend says that my expectations are too high. I just want to feel fiercely loved and be certain of that… and I don’t think I can live with anything less.

I feel so unsure if I should stay with him, or move on. I wonder if I should accept my boyfriend as who he is: a caring man, but a less romantic and less affectionate person than I was looking for. Or maybe I need to let him go and move on, even though I’m scared that I’ll never do better.

I feel like I’m too old to make a huge mistake. Please help!

Stuck

zodiac towel Dear Stuck,

You are asking me to tell you if you should settle… and I can’t do that.

I can try to help you though. If you read through your post, you might notice you sound supremely powerless. I think if you can address this, everything will improve.

For example, this man is not giving you want you want. Your response is whiny. “I’m not getting what I want, I don’t know how to get what I want, I may never get what I want…”

And I’m not trying to be bitchy with you. I just want to point out that if this is the position you are going to take in your life, I would not be looking for any miracles to occur.

But on the upside, there are any number of ways to change this. In fact, I think you can do almost any thing under the sun (as long as it’s legal), and be better off than where you are now.But you have to be willing to get out of this little box where you live.

First, there is your fear. Face it, or suffer every day for the rest of your life. You’re too old to make a mistake? What are you, ninety? You’re in your twenties, for godsakes.

You may not find a man better suited to you? Out of how many millions on this planet and there is not one for you?? Ever? Never again? COME ON.

Finally, you don’t exactly sound proactive. You want this and you want that, and you are not getting them. Are you asking for any of these things? And even more importantly, are you providing them? Because it doesn’t seem you are.

Fact is you don’t love this guy ‘fiercely”. So why would he love you in this fashion? If you want a passionate love… go find one!!! This is not what you have with this man. You are with him, getting what you get, because you are afraid to assert yourself. So the real question is not about this guy. It’s about you and how you want to be in this world.

Would you like to be a dissatisfied person afraid to do anything about it? Or would you like to be a person who lives out loud? Cause here’s a little tip. People are rarely passionate for people who lack passion.

Good luck.

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