Dear Girlfriend,

I don’t think you’re doomed at all. You just have all this Scorpio and Capricorn. So your first response to just about anything is to expect the sky to fall, and the other shoe to drop! I’m glad you wrote for an outside perspective because though it sounds that while things could be going better, there is no deal breaker in your relationship.

Now astrologically, you have Saturn transiting your seventh house (relationships). This can create a lot of fear – like fearing you’re going to be alone, and bereft of love and relationship. This is what I think you’re experiencing. This is the root of your suffering, and I see it playing out in two ways.

First, you think, “Oh no, we’re doomed!” Then you conclude, “Fine, he sucked anyway. The bastard wouldn’t even do the dishes!”

This sort of chaos is all through your post and I’ll tell you what’s going to help. Commitment! With Saturn transiting the seventh, when it comes to partnership, you’re either in or you’re out. And it’s sounds to me like you want to be with this man. So how do you deal?

Well, as soon as you quit vacillating, you’ll recover all the energy you are currently wasting. Then you can apply this energy to “growing up” the way you relate to your partner.

For example, you say he’s always been there, every day for five years. That’s a big deal! Do you really care if he does the dishes? Would you be better off with a dish-washing man who neglects you? And you say he’s successful and intelligent, but lacks motivation on his job. Come again?

For the record, Capricorns tend to parent their partner. That’s fine to an extent, but here again, a Saturn transit through the seventh insists that relationships have boundaries. Is your man old enough to decide how to handle his job? Probably.

You say you have to plan… but planning is a Capricorn trait. It’s part of your nature. You say you have to please him but again: pleasing others is part of your personal makeup.

I mean this in the nicest way. I really think you’ll see improvement if you can control your need to control him. And I know this all sounds dismal, but if you do leave this guy and find someone else, all this stuff will constellate again. The reason is because this stuff needs work, and the universe is going to make sure you do it.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Pleasing,

I really had to think about this. I can tell you why you want to please people easily enough, but the twin thing threw me. Because you and your brother would have charts that are essentially identical. I had some theories about why you might suffer this way while he doesn’t, but felt uncomfortable with the idea of me (a non-twin) telling you what it’s like to be a twin.

In a bid for clarity, I emailed a friend of mine who is a twin. He said it helps to think of twins as “siblings”. One of them is older than the other, even if it’s only by six minutes! As he put it, thinking in these terms “helps unlock a lot of twin mysteries.”

That was interesting, but I still had to mull. See, you’re a Libra, and Libras are the people-pleasers of the zodiac. But it’s very superficial. In fact, the sweeter Libra is, the surer you can be that they want to smash you with a bat. But this is more complicated than that.

Because the other thing Libra does is balance. When you go left, Libra has no choice but to go right. So this is what I think is going on.

First, you try to please by your nature, to an extent. But secondly… you brother is not so willing to ingratiate himself. He acts yang, so you go yin to compensate. And the idea that you’re the little brother would support this theory.

But this is no good for you. Because you’re more than just “Libra”. There is tremendous fire in your chart. And anger!! And if you don’t find a way to express this, eventually it will make you sick. Or cause an accident! Are you reckless? I bet you are.

Anyway, I’d recommend you turn the tables on your brother. Do it like an experiment, because he’s Libra too! Assert yourself. Turn the heat way up (I know you can) and just watch him. See what you learn, because I bet he moves to make peace…

And beyond this just imagine Libra’s symbol: a scale. You have been living on one side of it. If you internalize this, it will cause you great distress, which is the point. Because once you see you’re out of whack like that, you will automatically move to balance.

Pretty cool, huh?

Good luck!

~~
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Dear Unhappy,

I’m not surprised you feel like a fuck up, when you’re fucking up this profoundly. First thing is, it’s not okay to screw other people’s husbands. Got that? How the hell are you supposed to feel good about yourself when some sneaky, snaky low integrity guy come ’round and puts his hands on you? For two years? Ugh.

If you’re very, very lucky this guy will not leave his wife. Because if he does, you might get him, and you think you have problems now? You don’t. He has problems. His wife has problems. You, on the other hand can walk away – and if you want to feel good about yourself, this is exactly what you’ll do.

Next, stop spending money. I’m sorry, but you sound very self indulgent, helping yourself to whatever you want… never mind who is affected. And if that worked for you, that’d be one thing. But obviously it doesn’t. Obviously, you have a conscience – so if you want to fix this, how about you pay attention to your conscience and let it lead you out of this mess.

Want a map?

Call the guy. Tell him not come ’round no more. Tell him you’ve changed your mind – you’re done like dinner. Do you really want a man who can lie to another woman, day after day after day, after day?

Call your sister. Tell her the guy is gone. “He was married, but don’t lecture me. The pain is already exquisite. I hurt to the bone and will never do anything like this again.”

Next, get your ass back in school. You need a job, maaaan. You have bills to pay.

Last, tell your parents you’re sorry. Thank them for tolerating you. Tell them you’re going to pull yourself together, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other.

Do this. Begin to act with some degree of integrity and you will be amazed how much better you feel.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Searching,

I’m not going to mince words. Your chart is brutal. It’s very difficult – not just right now, but in general, your entire life. And I don’t say that to make you feel bad. I say that to validate you. Because as a matter of fact, some people have more challenges than others – and you’re one of them.

Now around making a contribution, you need to look away from the “practical” and towards the ethereal and artistic, because this is an area where you have definite gifts. And beyond that, it will help to learn to trust your inner rhythms.

In obvious terms, this means when you’re tired – QUIT. And don’t beat yourself up about it. You have physical limitations and this is just the way it is. But I swear there’s a profound gift in the middle of all your pain.

I’m not sure exactly what it is, but put these words in your head: Love, art, expansion, giving, generosity, beauty, liberation, feeling, humanity, transcend, music, magic.

And when these words come up, erase them: Limits, fear, unworthy, insecurity.

This is an exercise meant to lead you somewhere but at the same time, it’s the answer to your question. Because by putting these type thoughts into the world, you will be making a positive contribution.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Wondering,

I think you may be surprised to learn you’re a Sagittarian yourself. Uh huh. You have Moon, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune in Sadge. Believe me, that’s a lot of Sadge! So no wonder you’re drawn to this man – who also has four planets in the sign. Isn’t that funny? I think it is. You both have major planets in Virgo as well and bottom line: you guys are from same TRIBE.

But can there be a workable partnership?

When I first read your post, I thought not. I figured a relationship that thrived for this long with this degree of space would be doomed in closer quarters. But looking at the charts changed my mind. I tend to agree with your friend.

I think the two of you could very well hook up. You just have to respect your Sadge. For example, neither of you can tolerate being tied down, and you both need to “leave”. First he goes, and then you go. Sometimes you go together. The important thing is you keep it moving. Because how long do wild horses stay in one place?

Not long.

Nikki Giovanni says, “We love because it’s the only true adventure.”

I can’t add to that.

~~
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There’s a new kid in the carpool this year – a sixth grader. He’s a nephew to my friend Alexa. I’ve seen him around, but really had no direct interaction with him until he got in my car on the first day of school.

I’d heard from his mother he was concerned about being late for school and sure enough, when he got in the car, he started fretting about how slow the other carpool kid was. That kid was his chronically late cousin, and he feared this would jack him up around getting to school on time. I thought, “This is an obvious Capricorn.”

Having plenty of Capricorn myself, I reassured him. “Look, hon. You’re right. He is frequently late. But he’s not as bad as he used to be and I’ve been driving this carpool… this is the sixth year! And you know what? We’ve never been late. So I don’t want you worried about this, okay? I won’t let that happen.”

I saw him visibly relax in the seat next to me. “Whew!” he must have been thinking. “One of my own kind.”

By the time I dropped the two boys off that day (my daughter, Mosta was in the hospital), I had decided I really liked this kid. I make snap judgments like that. Some things you just know and I knew I liked this kid. I liked him so much that when I saw his mother on day three, I told her, “I really like your kid…”

So on his Capricorness, by the third day of school he was on full blown worry. About everything! For one thing, his mother was potentially going to make him go to an out of town wedding, which would result in him missing school.

“I don’t know what she’s thinking,” he said. “This isn’t elementary school! This is middle school. If I miss a day… I can’t miss any school! If I do, I’ll have to make every bit of work up…” Blah, blah, blah…. and then the sky will fall.

I sat there listening to him. I was thinking, I have to help this poor kid, maaan. But I didn’t jump on it. I had time. I decided to let some more of it pass, and just observe. I wanted more information and a few days later, I got it.

The four of us were in the car. Two boys, Mosta and I. The new kid asked his cousin, who I’d driven for five years: “Are you a Capricorn?”

“No. Sagittarius,” the kid answered.

I smiled.

It was Mosta’s turn to ride shotgun, so the boys were in the back. I turned over my shoulder and asked the new kid, “Are you a Capricorn?”

“No,” he said. “Scorpio.”

“What?” I was surprised. “When is your birthday?” I asked.

“November 17th,” he answered.

“Oh. And you’re going to be how old this year?” I was asking to get the birthdata.

He told me.

“Cool. Then you’re a Scorpio. Mosta has a Scorpio rising and your cousin has three planets in Scorpio.” I laughed. “That makes this a car full of intense people, going down the road.”

No response.

Five minutes later I dropped them off thinking this kid has GOT to have a Capricorn Moon.

When I got home, I verified it. He does have a Capricorn Moon. He has a stellium in Capricorn actually and get this: on top of that, he’s got FIVE planets in Scorpio!

::laughs::

So I was talking to Alexa about this. “Someone must have told him I was an astrologer. He heard it somewhere, and now he’s probing!! That’s pretty impressive. That’s Scorpio for you. He wants to know what I know. IF I know anything, that is,” I said, with a chuckle.

She said his mother has trouble with him.

“I’ll bet,” I said.

And you get the idea here. It’s a stew and it’s starting to cook.

~~
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Dear Bored,

Well, hell. Bored is bored. And I hate to say it, but once you’re bored with someone… the situation rarely improves. Not that I think jumping in bed with this new guy is such a good idea.

Astrologically, it’s crunch time as far as your marriage goes. Saturn will be transiting your seventh house (marriage) for the next two years. If your partnership is not real – if it does not support you – then it will very likely end in this time frame. You will simply feel pressured until you do something.

On the other hand, if your marriage is real, than this will be just as obvious. Instead of finding your way out, you’ll find yourself held there and made to work out the problems.

The Saturn transit is all about commitment. Either make one, or if you can’t, then you’re obligated to do the right thing and leave the marriage. For both your sakes! For your growth. But I have to warn you: with Saturn transiting the seventh, if you skip off and play with the new guy, you will not get away with it. In fact, you’ll be hit by the karma ball so fast, it’ll knock your block off.

But this is not to say you aren’t going to go this route. You’re achin’ for a change and there he is.

You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness just because your husband worships you but do have to act with integrity. This is the essence of Saturn in the seventh house. It’s about having integrity in your relationships. So don’t lie, and don’t cheat. Don’t tell someone you love them if you don’t. Basically, do the right thing. That’s the standard and as long as you meet it you’re going to be fine.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Feeling,

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry about your mother and very glad your friend was spared. I am glad you survived the attack, sorry about your job but glad you found another. Can this all be chalked up your Sun being at 29 degrees Virgo, a mere seventeen minutes from Libra? Hell no!

You’re having a massive Pluto transit and when an outer planet hits a chart like yours, profound change is inevitable. And heads up, because you’re nowhere near through the transit yet. You’re not going to escape this intensity until 2009! But that’s okay. You’ll get used to it. In fact, I think you already have to a large extent.

But this transit is much bigger than you even realize. See, you’re finding out you’re unstoppable. As my sister would say, you’re “hard to kill”. You’re uncovering your power through this crisis, which is considerable by any measure. It’s like you keep getting pushed down into your grave and you keep standing back up saying, “I don’t think so”.

And if you do that enough times, after a while people will stop fucking with you. They will come to see that you mean business in this world. You’re not going down!! And once you prove that, everything changes.

You become a person aware of their power, and eventually learn how to direct it. This is the “something big” you’re sensing. It’s your own birth. You are rising out of the ashes like the Phoenix. It’s your own power you’re feeling, literally coursing through your body.

Your “second guessing” is understandable given the circumstances but ultimately it’s going to be trumped by this other thing. The fact is, you want to walk near the fire and the reason is because you can. Look at yourself in the mirror. Just look at yourself so you can remember how you were in 2005. Because you are transforming, and the “you” in that mirror in 2009 is going to be INCREDIBLE.

~~
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Dear Stuck,

You’ll get out the minute you decide to get out. Yours is a problem of indecision – the Libra curse! You can’t decide whether to be in, or to get out. I can’t decide for you, but perhaps I can tweak your perspective enough to help you find your way.

See, you think you’re caught between two poles. Do you stay, or do you go? But really, there are three places to be. You can also be in the middle, which is where you are now. How do you like it? Because you can stay right where you are. Forever!

This reminds me of an old Gary Larson cartoon. There’s a picture of a guy in a boat in the middle of an otherwise deserted lake. He’s sitting there looking completely perplexed.

“Fish? Or cut bait? Fish? Or cut bait? Fish? Or cut bait?”

So how about that? Is that guy going to spend his whole life asking that question or is he going to pick a side? And what about you?

Because it’s perfectly acceptable to be an indecisive person. Can you embrace this as a lifestyle? Can you watch the people around you choose left or choose right, while you stay in that boat with your question?

If so, you should do it. If not – then pick a side! Stay or go and rest assured, whichever you choose, your indecision will reconstitute. Because this is your nature. “Should I have gone, or should I have stayed?”

The point is, it’s your Libra nature to struggle with decisions. But I don’t think you have to let it disable you.

Good luck.