Dear Birthday Boy,

Ha ha ha. Yes I do! You damned Virgos are virtually impossible to shop for. The last thing you want is for someone to lavish attention on you. Or even worse spend a bunch of cash! I mean come on. Some big elaborate gift in your lap, while victims of hurricane Katrina are suffering? I don’t think so!

Number one, you want to talk! She should take you out for a simple dinner and let you talk and talk and talk and talk.

Number two, you want to screw!! That Virgo virgin thing is a ruse. All Virgos have a secret life and it’s frequently pretty kinky. Like the chaste librarian in her glasses. All she really wants is for someone to rip ‘em off, and kiss her hard.

So there’s your birthday. This’ll work for you, but if she wants to go deluxe, here’s the key to loving a Virgo: Virgos like to WORK. They want to work. They need to work and furthermore, others need them to work.

And this is very hard for non-Virgos to understand. Virgos don’t want to lie around. They don’t want to vacation for a month. Pulllllease! They need food (healthy food), they need sex (Virgo’s an earth sign) and they need to serve (in the same way a bird needs to fly).

If your wife could grasp, understand, and embrace this – well, it would be the very best gift she could bestow. Imagine it. What if she could recognize this about you? Then she could say, “Honey, you’re getting a little twitchy. You’re looking not so well. Do you have some work to do?”

::laughs::

You’d be so relieved. “Well, yeah. I do, if you don’t mind…”

You think you love her immensely now? If she can do this for you, she will have your undying affection and gratitude. And as you can see, “shopping” is not involved.

I hope this helps. Happy Birthday!

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