Dear Worried.

In four words, RUN FOR THE HILLS! The odds that there’s something wrong with your body is zero percent. This guy has a problem and if I tell you a story about someone else, maybe you’ll be able to see it.

I once dated a man into lingerie. He spent a fortune on me, buying me various things on a weekly basis. It was fun for awhile – a long while actually. But after some time, something shifted. I started to feel very much like he was more interested in the underwear than he was in me. It unnerved me.

Then one day I woke up and he told me he was going to sleep apart from me. You know why? My toenail has scratched him in the night. I’m serious. And this was disturbing his sleep.

Well, I’ll tell you something. I didn’t clip my toenail. Fuck that. I left that guy a day later, because it wasn’t about my toenail, was it? First, it’s a toenail crisis but had I stayed, what would he have complained about next… the strands of my hair? My breath?

I felt like you do right now. I felt repulsive. And I don’t know exactly what was up with my guy. And I don’t know exactly what it up with yours. But no one has ever complained about my toenail since, you know? I suggest you leave this guy. Do it tonight, if you can.

You asked if there is something wrong with you or with him. Answer? Him, him, him, him.

Go and don’t look back.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Friend,

I’m not sure it’s worth it either. I tend to think it’s not. And I can think of a bunch of babble to tell you but it doesn’t seem respectful. So like a surgeon, I’m going to cut right where it hurts the most, in the hopes of effecting a cure.

I notice you call this gal your “best friend”, in spite of the fact that she has no time for you. She does not respect you, or your effort, or your home. When you put this all together, it’s a big OW.

Astrologically, you have Venus (love, relationships) conjunct Saturn (limits, restriction, hardship) in your chart. I have a friend with this aspect and he describes it quite aptly as a “starvation diet” when it comes to love. He gets some, but only a little – and only if he jumps through hoops. Sound familiar?

But there’s an alternative expression. And I can tell you what it is, but you will only find it if you face your fear.

I understand how frightening the prospect of letting go your “best friend” when you’ve no replacement waiting in the wings. But I swear, if you will take that chance and look for a new deal – and if you make some boundaries (a Saturn word) around what is and what is not acceptable in relationship – you will find the high side of this aspect. And that is “real” love and a “real” relationship.

With this said, I would dump the friend. Yeah, yeah, I know it will hurt… but not much more than keeping her in your life, you know? Then go looking for a REAL best friend, and I’ll tell you what that looks like.

A real best friend values you. They understand what you’re worth and treat you accordingly. You need to find someone like you. Get it? Because if you pair up with someone who uses others as a matter of course, you are going to be screwed, blued, and tattooed, every single time. Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Mulling,

I think you should. People want to know where they came from! And I imagine once you get curious… well, I doubt this will dissipate.

As for your parents, I wouldn’t worry too much about them. I appreciate this is a complex and sensitive issue, but I think most adoptive parents in their situation expect this day to come.

It’s possible you’ve pulled away from your parents subconsciously, to give yourself the space to explore looking for your birth parents. It’s possible. And I’m thinking that like with a hydra, if you hold this whole thing up to the light… well, a lot of the angst and confusion will dissolve.

I’m talking about making this whole thing real and committing to yourself: “Yes, I am curious who my birth parents are. Yes, I curious enough to start this process. And yes, I am mature enough to separate this from my relationship with my parents.”

See? You can have your cake and eat it too. And no one is hurt unnecessarily. Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Wife of His,

I’m sorry, but I don’t think so. After twenty-six years, I would say you’ve seen all his tricks and you either like them or you don’t. But are you wasting your time? That’s a bigger question.

People don’t have exactly equivalent needs for relationship. Maybe one person can’t bear the idea of going somewhere alone, while another person is most comfortable going stag. And who can say which one of them is “correct”?

What’s true is they’re individuals. If you’re waiting for your husband to feel the way you do about the relationship, then you’re going to be disappointed. But think about it carefully. Do you really need him to mirror you like this?

If you do, then you may as well cut your losses – which are bound to be considerable after twenty-six years. But it’s possible, if you toss this around, that you decide that it’s okay that he’s not like you are. You may even uncover ways in which this has served you and if you do, I will not be surprised. Know why?

Because you’re an Aquarius, for starters. You’re an independent person. But beyond that, you have a Virgo Moon. Virgo is sometimes referred to as an unmarried woman. See, I don’t care if you’re married… you’re an unmarried woman, you know? There is only so “married” a “serving the world” Virgo can get.

So you see what I’m getting at. I’m not so sure you’d like some guy fawning all over you, in your face 24/7. You know. Breathing down your neck and interfering with your work…

::laughs::

I bet that made you cringe.

So there you go. This guy who’s there but not there may be just the ticket. And what if this is true?

Well if it’s true, then you’re not wasting your time with this man. What’s wasting your time is waiting for him to be something he’ll never be. Especially when it’s something you wouldn’t like if you got it anyway.

I’m sure you’ll puzzle this out. Good luck!

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Wishing,

No I don’t think you will find someone like Nikky again. There is only one Nikky! But I’m not sure why you’d want to meet someone like her anyway. Because as you can see, it did not work out!!

I’m sorry, but I don’t think the universe screws up. If you and Nikky were meant to be together, you would be. And I’m not trying to be insensitive. I’d just like to get you unstuck if it’s possible.

Your chart shows a man with a very idealistic love nature. And as you can see, you’ve gone and made Nikky the “ideal” when she’s been gone for ten years! Well lemme tell you something. An ideal partner is one who is there! But you’re not going to find one of those with Nikki on your mind! You’re going to have to resolve this.

I think you can do it, if you change your perspective. But you’d have to open your mind to allow some new ideas in. How about this one: the idea that the universe is acting in your best interest, all of the time? Do you really think you met the love of your life ten years ago, and that’s it for you? I don’t think the universe is that cruel. I just can’t believe such a thing.

Can you quit looking for Nikky? Look for love instead and I think you’ll be surprised what you find.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Lover,

Lucky you! Sounds like you had a great honeymoon and you didn’t even have to marry to get it. Pretty slick! But no, I don’t think you should put too much faith in this guy returning to sign on with you and your four kids. It’s just not his nature, is it?

See, both of you are acting just like who you are. He’s a Sagittarius and he’s done what? He’s left! This is what Sadge is famous for! And he’s left the country no less.

He’s a wild horse, maaan. A particularly sexy one, with Venus and Mars in Scorpio, so believe me, I can see his appeal. On the other hand, you are a Pisces, prone to fantasy!!

Check your question up there. You have no faith you can find a man (tide is out), you find a man (tide is in), the man leaves (tide is out), and then you’re stuck with quintessential Pisces experience: “divine discontent”. Because if only, right?

But here’s the deal. It only worked the way it worked, because it was short term!!! You both had an out built in. He’s down to one woman – he’s seeing just you, but for how long. See what I’m saying? It was a short term contract!

And here’s a little tip for you. I see a stellium in Aquarius in your chart. You don’t exactly want to be tied down, okay? So this guy was perfect. He was gone before you had a chance to become bored and now?

Well now, you can do whatever you want. Call him “the one that got away” for the rest of your life. Or you can tell yourself, “I had myself a honeymoon back in 2005… and I didn’t even have to marry to do it!!”

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Un-Mom,

Well, you can’t give it you don’t have it, can you? You can’t be interested, when you’re not interested – and it’s not your fault that you’re not interested!!

I’m very sorry I don’t know a trick, but I don’t know a trick. Most of these friendships are probably going to go south anyway. Because believe me: if you think your friends are obsessed with the pregnancy, wait’ll the babies pop out!

Look. All you can do is be yourself. You are the Un-Mom and hopefully there’s a friend in the pile who wants one of those in her life (even after she has her baby). Not everyone wants a clone of themselves for a friend. I know I don’t.

But you get my point. Don’t fake it. And don’t beat yourself up about it either, because you’re innocent here. And if you’re left with a friend-void, you can be sure the universe will fill it.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Welcome to ElsaElsa! We’ve been live for about two months. I hope you like what you read here, because I’m very happy writing it.

This is a new venture and even though the traffic to the site is very good, what’s proving most challenging is keeping a stream of questions coming in.

It occurs to me, people might imagine I am up to my neck in questions, when this is not the case! The fact is, your odds of getting your question addressed on the blog are very high – especially if your question is something that is broadly relevant, rather than something “crystal ballish” and very specific to your personal situation. “When will I be hired?” simply doesn’t fit the format of the site.

Anyway, we always need questions. So if you like what you read here and want to support this site, please send a question if you have one, or post a link on your blog or whatever else you can think of. I will surely be grateful!

On other fronts, people have asked for an RSS feed and also the ability to email posts. These things are coming! We also plan to create new categories so the posts can be sorted by sign (Aries, Taurus, etc.). If you have other requests or suggestions, please email because we’d love to hear them.

Last, my kids are going back to school next week, leaving me free to schedule personal consultations by phone. If you’re interested in that, click here for more information.

Thanks again for the support.

Elsa, out.

Dear Wondering,

I think it’s your problem. And that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re well meaning. It sounds like you have two kids “on track” and you don’t want this one left behind. That’s a fine sentiment, but come on. He’s eight and he hasn’t found his niche? BIG DEAL!

Personally, I’d back off. This is one deep kid, for starters. He’s a dreamer, but with an edge. He’s an individual and by pushing him, you’re setting up a power struggle that I don’t think you’ll win.

For example, check my two kids. My daughter is a virtual clone of me. She likes to travel, craves variety of experience, and has an ascetic streak a mile wide. We both like to lie flat on a board. This relaxes us.

In contrast, my son likes to stay home. He spreads a layer of pillows across the couch so he can lie on top of them all, and he covets possessions to a degree I can only marvel at.

So do you think I ought to make my son sleep on a straw mat in a barren room? Think I ought to take him somewhere new, day in and day out, so he can learn to be like me? That’s ridiculous.

I think your situation is similar. You have certain things you believe will enhance a life, but your son begs to differ. He disagrees, maaan. If I were you, I would tell him that you’re willing to support him around anything he’s interested in and then back off. Allllll the way off. And understand he’s got his own timing. He’s eight? He may be fifteen before he figures it out. He may be twenty two! And you know what? There isn’t a damned thing wrong with that.

Bottom line: your son has a different timetable than you. He exists on a plane outside your scope. My son, same thing. He must. Because if I had to lie on that fluffy pillow bed he makes, I swear I’d be sick to my stomach.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

Dear Bride,

What I loathe is crappy parents and what I really think you should do is Throw Momma From The Train! But you’re not going to do that, are you? Because you’re you, and you’re smarter than me. So how about this?

How about you drop the debate in your head, and just call that lousy bitch up – and beg her to come to your wedding. I’m serious. Just get it over with.

To be very candid, she sounds sort of mental and this is probably the best she can do. On the other hand, you sound pretty sane. You may as well clutch it up and make the call so you can get married, unfettered by her 15 (sullen) maids-a-milking.

But know this: your mother is a tired old bitch to pull this crap for your wedding. On the other hand, you are a Queen! Remember that as you walk down the aisle, okay? And hearty congrats!

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Interested in a personal consultation? Click here for more info…

~~
Pictured – ‘The Wedding Morning’ 1892, John Henry Frederick Bacon (1866 – 1913), Oil on canvas