Dear Headlights,

I’m going to make this real simple for you and it will be your job not to jumble it up in a knot.

You are a super-responsible Capricorn crossed with a perfectionist Virgo. You’re using the energy of these signs to give yourself an ulcer!

Does your husband mind supporting you? Ask him. If he says he doesn’t mind, then believe him. Because I’m guessing you don’t have a dependent bone in your body.

If he doesn’t mind supporting you, I bet it’s because you serve him night and day. He probably knows he’d be completely lost without you. Seriously, I don’t think you know your value. You are judging yourself solely on your ability to earn income. That is completely ludicrous. Would you apply that criteria to someone else?

Here’s the key. If you can get it into your Virgo head that creating art is a service, you’ll be home free. Please talk to your husband. Then go be an artist!

~~
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Dear Part Time,

It’s nice to see all this Aries in a chart. I know I can be straight with you! The worst that can happen is you’ll come back fighting and I’ll duck. In whatever case, I get a reprieve from having to be polite!

Number one, your father is not going to change. Just forget about that ever happening. And this is in your best interest.

Your chart is almost entirely Cardinal signs: Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn. You have all these signs covered and so naturally, your number one desire is for CONTROL. You want to control everyone, in every way, all the time. And when you’re not able to, no problem. You just cut them out! But you can’t cut out your Dad, and you can thank God for that.

Because he’s your key. He’s literally your key to freedom. Because this is the deal: he does you no harm. Your ego gets bruised maybe, but he’s not doing you any real harm. All he’s doing is living akin to his nature and if you could find a way to accept and allow this… well, at that point you will have consciously accepted and embraced something into your life you cannot control.

If you can manage this, there’ll be great cause to celebrate. Break out the fireworks! Because you will see all kinds of pain drop off for one thing. Know why? It’s because you’re failing twice here and this is what’s bothering you. You’re failing to control your father, and you’re failing to control yourself as well.

If you could control yourself, you’d dump his ass, right? Obviously, you can’t do that. You can not amputate your father. You also can’t control him and the universe begs you to accept this. Just think. Your dad comes and goes as he pleases. Is that really so awful?

This is a fight you can’t win and besides that, it’s the wrong fight. Want a real fight? Fight to control your need to control! I promise that’ll keep you real busy!

Good luck!

~~
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Dear Lost,

No, you’re not going to be able to forgive him. How can you forgive him, when he’s still doing the thing that upset you – over and over and over and over? I know five years is a lot invested, but you don’t want to hang on to a man who’s screwing your friend.

Of course you can move on with your life! You aren’t going to be able to live until you do. There’s nothing to do but to cut your losses. See, if a man has “cold feet” after five years, you’ve already lost him. If he takes up with your friend, this is true 100-fold. I’m so sorry.

Cut your losses. Cry your tears. Try again.

~~
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Dear Perplexed,

Okay, wait a minute. You have deep faith you’re going to be with this man forever. But you’re worried about a week-long trip in December… and it’s still June.

Come again?

I really don’t think your man is going to abandon you – leave alone on Christmas, preferring the company of his MOM and his pal. He obviously planned the trip eons ago and if he were prone to taking off and leaving you on the side of the road, you’d know it by now.

I looked at the astrology and I agree with you. Your man is cautious, with his Venus tied up with Saturn. Basically he’s afraid in relationships, and people who are afraid in love do not plan trips with their lover six-months out. They lack faith!

And this is why he’s met you. A Pisces dreamer. Hitchhiking on your faith, he can learn that sometimes things do work out. In fact they work out beautifully. They work themselves out if you let them and this is what I suggest you do.

Nothing. When you’re still around in September or so, he’ll get you a ticket. You’re going on the trip. Wanna bet?

Send me a postcard.

~~
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Dear Searching,

Do you know you’re a triple Aquarius? Sun, Moon and rising. You have some other planets in Aquarius as well, which means you’re like a classic Aquarius when it comes to love: an independent person seeking friendships. Aquarius is a cool detached intellectual, and I’m sure you relate.

But in your case there’s a wrinkle. Like spit in your soup – Pluto (intensity) sits in your seventh house (relationship) and guess what? When it comes to love, your cool head betrays you and you go for the burn.

It’s as if a relationship is a Roach Motel for you. You know, one of those boxes with the sticky bottom designed to catch bugs. The Aquarian roach walks in all nonchalantly, just an independent insect seeking friends. Then next thing she knows, her Plutonian intensity kicks in and she’s suffering, thrashing about, fighting for her life. It’s not pretty, is it? Are you sure you want to do that again?

Well I think you will, if you don’t get a deeper understanding of your own motivations. I’m just being honest with you. I don’t think it’s not enough to say you’ve been a doormat, so you’re not going to do that anymore, tra la la. Thirty-five year patterns are not broken in this manner!

If you’re serious about change, you’re simply going to have to get in there and dig. Why are you a doormat? What patterns from your childhood are you re-creating? Most importantly, you must have gotten something out of these relationships. What was your pay off? Because there had to be one. What did you get out of living on the edge for all those years?

And I don’t think this’ll come easy, because this is intense stuff which is anathema to an Aquarius – who prefer to stay in the head, and ignore the gut.

But you are not going to be able to amputate this part of your nature – the part of you that subconsciously goes for a man who makes you feel like you’re dying. But that experience can also make you feel strong, energized and ultimately empowered. Sort of like a roach coming out the other end of that box – if she makes it. She’s transformed after the experience.

You seek transformation in relationships. If you embrace this, you have hope of getting exactly what you need. You have to go into the motel, willingly. And the only way you’re going to do that is if you understand what’s in it for you.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Confused,

I don’t think you’re going to be able to ride this out. It’s a mid-life crisis, you know. We all have one, right around forty years old when Uranus in the sky opposes the Uranus in your natal chart. All the sudden, people just aren’t going to take it anymore.

At this point in your life, you’re aware you’re not going to last forever and by God, you’re not going to be restricted! No motherfucker is going to tell you what to do or not!!! Basically, you’re poised to throw the baby out with the bathwater and get yourself free – and in my experience, this is exactly what you will do. Should do, I mean.

Finally, finally, finally, you want to make your own rules, and it doesn’t matter what I say. The only thing that matters is you shake things up however you need to, so that you can live the rest of your life liberated.

Right now it may seem you have a choice. There is a debate in your head. But you’re asking about your chart, yes?

The fact is, your job dissatisfaction is just one manifestation of the profound urge for freedom you will experience through 2007. Think you’re going to be able to hold on that long? I don’t.

Have fun, okay? Have fun breaking the ties that bind.

Good luck.

~~
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Dear Pisces,

You see a big change here, but I don’t. You’re prone to fantasy relationships and now you’re having another. You’re leaving, he has a girlfriend. He’s not available! So I don’t see the distinction between this situation and your play with men on the other side of the world. There’s nothing grounded here, you know?

You’re not obsessed because this is the right man for you. You’re obsessed because you have a rich imagination and you like to frolic in the land of un-reality. Not that it’s a problem, but here’s the point.

Yearning is your game, or one of them. You yearn for a man, or have a man yearn for you… or you do both. But are you interested in a grounded real-life relationship with a man? I see no evidence of that here.

Want to know what’s going to happen? Eventually, this veil will drop. You’ll be devastated, briefly. You’ll take two steps in any direction, then constellate another scenario just like this last scenario. At some point you’ll probably get hip to you and that point, you’ll have to choose.

You can choose to carry on as-is, because reality will never be as tasty as fantasy. Or you can choose to deal with an Earth Man. Either way, you’ll pine. You’ve got Pisces and you’ll never escape your urge to escape the mundane.

But this curse is also your greatest gift, and what you offer others. You have the ability to fanaticize and imagine the divine. When people are near you, they get a piece of that. Is it so bad to be a Fairy? I don’t think so.

Much love.

~~
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Dear Late Blooming,

I was expecting to see some sort of train wreck in your chart. But as a matter of fact, there is nothing to indicate you’re destined to end up alone, or even that you would have particular trouble manifesting a relationship. I think the problem is your perspective on this.

I always worry when people say ~soul mate~. I don’t know for sure what they mean, but I always wonder if they’re not looking for some sort of ideal that does not exist. You know. Boy meets girl and it all falls in place.

That happens of course, but then the games begin! The games being the ambivalence most of us suffer when we hook up. Because it’s not a panacea. It is NEVER perfect, not even for a day.

Now, you have a lot of Virgo tied up with your relationship profile, which basically means you want things to be clean. But relationships are inherently messy! And I’ll give you an example.

Most people would agree, I have the right man. However, I drive him insane. Every time I come to his place, I mess up his kitchen floor. I’m serious. Blood, mud, I drop a blueberry and step on it~ yesterday I shook salad dressing with the top off, flinging it everywhere. And do you think he likes this? He does not! Every time I come over he has to clean the floor and I come over a lot~ and remain oblivious to my kitchen-flinging habits in spite of his complaints.

So what should he do? Dump me!

Well he’s had to struggle with this, don’t you think? But I love the living shit out of him and in the end he’s decided to just accept this floor thing as part of the deal, and here is my point:

There’s no problem having ideals around relationships, but yours needs an overhaul. Instead of pining for a perfect fit, imagine this as your ideal: someone who can tolerate your quirks as you tolerate theirs. Redefine your idea of ~soul mate~ to include dirty kitchen floors, and other faults and flaws. Try to see the beauty in loving the imperfect – and having them love you.

Go looking for that, and I bet you find it.

Dear Burdened,

Yeah, I can help. You have the planet Jupiter sitting right on your ascendant (your rising sign). The ascendant shows the body and Jupiter expands anything it touches. Consequently it’s very common for people with “Jupiter rising” as it’s called, to be large.

However, you’re not doomed and I can tell you this for sure. I have Jupiter rising myself, and I’ve beat the weight thing (knock on wood!!)

Here’s the deal. We are optimistic people with our mind on the future. You know. Tomorrow is always going to be better than today. And Jupiter is not keen on limits. It’s not about exuberance: more is better! And in fact, we’d be fine if other parts of us were not interested in fitting in our jeans. We’d just grow and grow and grow. But alas, it becomes a problem.

But it’s a problem that can be solved pretty readily. You only need understand the energy you embody that seeks expression, and redirect it. Like a person who is very insightful. They can use their talent to heal, or to hurt. Same with Jupiter. This energy can do a hell of a lot more than grow your body.

For example, you are a natural teacher. If you teach and preach all day, Jupiter will be engaged and you won’t be eating.

Secondly, you’re a horse. A wild one! And what does a wild horse look like? They sure as hell aren’t fat. They’re on the moooooooove. Move. If you get yourself moving, you will not be eating. Get it? Because Jupiter is otherwise engaged.

Third. Travel!! Travel is Jupitarian because it expands you. Go places! Every day! What does a wild horse do? It gets around. It sees what’s over the horizon and over the horizon beyond that. Is eating the focus? Of course not.

Last. READ. Educate yourself. Specifically religion and philosophy. This is another way to expand, yes? And when you’re smarter, go back up there to the first idea and do what? TEACH! Teach others.

So there you go. This is you… if you opt to function on a higher level. Fat is not in the equation is it?

Good luck

Here is the answer I wrote which I sent to my editor, HQ. That’s short for Headquarters, by the way:

Dear Plutonian,

You sound conscious to me. What part of this is unconscious? I have no concerns about you failing. You’re not going to fail. I think you’re probing around because this is what you do. You’re picking up rocks, looking for worms, but this one is clear, so move along.

You’re on the right path. Go kick ass.

~~
He responded:

Is it possible to write her back and ask for more data? I wonder what signs are leading her to think she’s sabotaging themselves…

~~
I told him I’d ask her to add information and I did. Being a total Plutonian, she came back with this:

Dear Elsa, I am 28 and just now returning to school to pursue a psychology degree. However, I seem to suffer from chronic procrastination, and I fear that I may be subconsciously trying to fail on purpose, to spite those who pressure me. What can I do to overcome this if that is the case?

Sincerely,
Plutonian

~~
Now is it me, or is that the same post?