I’ve noticed that in relationships, I tend to be happy to adapt to the other person a lot…. friendship, family, romance, whatever. They adapt too, of course, because every relationship has some level of compromise. But I’m perfectly happy with learning the other person and then working with that, and who they are… rather than trying to make them fit ME.
So the question is — is this such a bad thing? Are there some combinations in astrology that just make people more prone to do this sort of thing than others? And is it alright, or does it mean we let ourselves get walked on?
Yes some people are more prone to this than others, for various reasons.
The Mutable signs morph! Gemini can talk to whomever, Sadge goes native fast. Virgo can serve anyone, anywhere, and Pisces surrounds others, like water surrounds solid – it makes no difference the shape of the object.
Compare to the Cardinal signs, (Aries, Libra, Cancer, Capricorn) who automatically control / boss others, or the Fixed signs, (everyone else) where it’s their way or the highway!
But none of these are preferable over the other. People need each other. For example, I’m highly Mutable and I’ve spent my life, partnered with Fixed signs as a way to be anchored.
They just keep eating those Cheerios every day for breakfast. Every single day of their life. Or it’s their vanilla ice cream, or the fact they wash their clothes in Tide and nothing but Tide. This is stabilizing to a person like me, whose primary objective is to try everything.
Tide with Downey
Tide with Wonderful Bleach
Tide with Bleach Alternative
Tide Spring Scent
Tide Cool Breeze
Cool Water Tide
Tide – Episode 2
My main thing, if I’m going to buy Tide, is that it be the *new Tide, the different, *Tide. So who is right?
Maybe I learn something about the value of continuity from my Fixed partner. About getting what you expect, while they are introduced to the joys of variety via dealing with me.
So that’s one explanation, but there’s another. It could be pure co-dependence. For people with a lot of Libra in the chart, or people with a lot of planets in the seventh house, this is always an issue.
If you determine this describes you and in fact, you’e being “walked on” – the cure is found via incorporating the qualities of the opposite sign, Aries.
Aries is ME! ME! ME! Libra is WE! WE! WE! Neither of those is preferable, right? Aries probably needs to glean there are others in the world. Libra, not to be a doormat.
Hope this helps.
So, I’m moving with my boyfriend to wherever he decides to go to grad school (New Jersey, North Carolina, Maryland, or Massachusetts). All but one of these places is in a cold, humid and large city. I love him very, very much, and I thought I was willing to go for it, and make the best of things…recently he told me that he absolutely did NOT want to get married until after graduate school.
I asked him if he thought he wanted to marry me, and he said. “i think so, but I’m not completely certain.” He says he wishes I’d trust he is committed to me, but hell, I need something more than THAT.
It angers me further, he’s decided to pick the school that’s best for him, whether or not the circumstances make me comfortable or not. If he likes Boston, we are GOING to Boston. If he were my husband, or even fiance, I would be more willing to go along with this, but shit, he’s not making any huge commitment to me, so why should I?
How could someone that claims to love me so much, not be willing to make any sort of gesture of commitment to me? It makes me question the strength of our relationship, which shakes my very core. I do love him, but I’m beginning to resent this part of him.
What do you think about all this? I’m lost.
I think the same thing you think, and would characterize it this way:
Your man thinks he’s somethin’. He’s really something, and he’s making it real clear to you, he calls the shots. Your feelings aside, I see no evidence of a partnership here at all. He’s asking for everything and offering nothing, so yeah. I can see why you’re balking at following him across the country like some kind of dog.
However – I’m not counting him out. Considering your strong feelings, you can’t count him out until you can count him out, and you’re going to have to do something really difficult, to find out, for real. You’re going to have take your energy off him and let him go. I realize this will cause you grave pain. You may have to writhe around some. Er…you will have to writhe around some, but you really need to know.
You need to know, if this is all this guy has. And I’m thinking, if you find out it is – if you find out this is all he can do, then you can find a way to get over him, because here’s the deal.
He’s not respecting your life. YOUR life. And you promise you this. You’re going to want one. You’re going to want a life and you’re going to want a partner who get under you and holds you up, the way you’re willing to do for them.
Settle for less?
Let him go, and see if he goes. If he goes, you can be very certain you’ve made the right choice, yes? Let some other gal sign up to be, “irrelevent”.
I feel as if lately, I am losing all patience with my friends. Over the last month, I have become extremely annoyed with a fellow Capricorn for what seems to be no reason. What’s more is that this Capricorn is going through a similar crisis I had been through a few years ago and normally I would be totally sympathetic. But for some reason I feel there is a lot of conflict between us and I’ve been avoiding her.
I’ve also been breaking rules left and right, like avoiding responsibility. I’ve even developed a lot of strange habits, like obsessively cleaning things.I feel as if my patient, grounded and nurturing ways are completely out of whack this month!
Worry much? We’re human beings and we’re not always at our optimal. I feel like you’re being overly harsh with yourself. And judgmental. Can a person always standing by, ready to help others to the best of their abilities every minute, or every day? Of course not.
I think you’re stressed, but simple advice, like “slow down” is not going to help you much. You’re too complex! And Capricorn likes a long term gain. What’s short term relief, up against self-knowledge that pays for the rest of your life? So here’s this:
First, I think the cleaning is a direct response to being overstressed. So just know this about yourself. When you’re overtaxed you start to clean!
For me, it’s my lungs. When I get overwrought, I get bronchitis or the like. Knowing this, when I feel that ache in my back and chest, I start to slice and dice things in my life that have lower (and no) priority. Nine times out of ten, this is effective and I think you’ll have similar success.
Now regarding this “rule breaking” – Well, this is a feature of your personality. You’re a Capricorn all right, but you have Venus in Aquarius. Capricorn lives within the rules and so does Aquarius with this one distinction. They make their own rules! So you are not going to be able to go through your life towing the line. You’re gonna rebel! You just are.
So it may help to come to terms with this in a “big picture” sort of way. Picture a woman in conservative dress…but with a streak of blue running through her hair. Or like Howard Hughes wearing a suit with white tennis shoes. That’s you.
Finally, I have no doubt your patient nurturing self will resurface. But hopefully via this period, you’ll learn something about where the lines go. About boundaries between you and the people care for. Ninety percent of the time, you’re going to pick up the phone and help. Ten percent of the time, you just need to let that sucker ring. Take the space. The sky won’t fall and you can be back on the job in a day or two.
Am I destined to live without a love of my own?
It seems I’m the one who is always taking care of everyone else and no one really seems to take care of me or my wants and needs. I am currently taking care of my mother, and my two learning disabled daughters. My mother has a lot of physical disabilities, although I think she makes up a lot of her maladies. She’s been to quite a few doctors and she really doesn’t have very much wrong with her medically. She just chooses to stay in bed 24/7 and act the invalid.
I seem to have trouble finding a “good” man who will last through all the
trials and tribulations I have in my life.
This issue is near and dear my heart. I’m going to say some things that may piss people off, but I don’t care. No, this is not your destiny! But there is no man gonna ride in on a white horse and take care of this. You need to stage a revolution – and I mean, YOU. Because you are the only one who is going to get yourself out of this.
Now I know some ugly stories and I’ll you them. For one thing, my boyfriend’s sister just had a stroke. She took care of her kids and of her father until he passed late last year. Her kids are grown, but they never did wean off her, so guess what? After a life time of caring for other, there is now no one willing or able to care for her. I think she made a mistake. What do you think?
Here’s another. Old friend. Boyfriend, actually – on and off, for seventeen years. But we never could make it together and one reason is he just couldn’t extricate himself from his mother – nor would she let him go. Well, it’s nearly thirty years later and last I heard, his mother was dying. Too bad for him, because so busy taking care of her all these years, he forgot to form a peer relationship and when she’s goes, he’ll be alone.
One more story. Mine.
I also had a dependent mother. I cared for her from the time I was fifteen years old, until I was nearly thirty. I mean I supported her and the whole nine yards.
Now I managed to have a social life, and a sex life, but this sucked, like I don’t have to tell you, because you know. And I was right where you are. Wondering, if this was going to be my life.
Well, no. I went to therapy and a therapist told me my mother was not my responsibility.
“Huh? You sure about that?” I couldn’t believe it. No one ever told me that before. And when they did?
I saw a door and I decided to use it. It took me a year, but I got myself free, and now I’m telling you same. YOUR MOTHER IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. And I would write that 1000 times, or tape it to the mirror, or whatever you have to do, to internalize this as truth.
Now, very frankly, I doubt you will be able to get out of this mess, without support. I suggest you get yourself a therapist. This is per your chart, by the way. I think you would find therapy extremely helpful and if I were you, I would not fuck around. Dial ‘em up.
“Hi it’s me. I’m XX years old and taking care of my hypochondriac mother, along with two high maintenance children. What I really want is a man. Can you help me get out of this?”
First person who says, “yes” – get your ass down there, okay? Because I’m telling you, if you don’t odds are sky high, you’re going to manifest exactly the future you fear.
Help! What the freak is going on? Every male from my past is contacting me. Ex-boyfriends, old friends, I don’t want these people in my life right now, but they are intruding. I’m too busy for this crap. Should I respond? If I ignore them will they likely go away? I just don’t want to be filling my mind with answers to ex-boyfriends questions about our relationship from 8 years ago.
Pisces in a Panic
Yuck!! I hate it old lovers, dead and gone are resurrected, but this is par for the course, when Pluto transits your Venus. Yes, you can ignore them but I’m not sure they’ll go away. Physically yes, but psychically they may hang on until you’ve unraveled this.
You don’t have to deal with them directly, but I think you may be served by turning to face this thing, rather than running from it. Try to discover some sort of meaning. Because I believe the universe is benevolent and the fact this is happening suggests there is something in it for you.
Look for deeper insight and understanding, patterns around how you relate to others. This is the information trying to surface, and once you access it, these ghosts can get back in their graves and you can move along.
Finally, it’s my experience with Pluto transits, you go down (deeper) willingly or get taken down. And it’s far more classy to go on your own will rather than be dragged kicking and screaming.
I’ve been dating this guy for almost 4 years now. We’ve broken up significantly 3 times. We stayed apart for months at a time and both felt pretty anguished about it. It’s become this ridiculous cycle in my life, When things are good, they’re awesome. I feel totally in love.
But then I always get stifled. I feel like he’s not moving forward, not interested in figuring out life and taking joy in it. I feel taken for granted, and I feel horribly guilty about walking past somebody on the street and wanting them. And I think, “Great, I’m 23 years old. I ought to be meeting people and exploring the world!”
But every time I leave him I eventually realize how completely miserable and lonely I am after all. So here I am, with my brand new job, in my brand new town, and my steadfast if completely boring, unromantic lover 400 miles away. I want to do new things, and meet new people, and I feel so hampered by him.
I feel like I deserve to be taken out and given flowers, and generally treated like a girl. But I recognize if I leave him again, I’m probably going to realize the world is even more beautiful through his eyes.
Is this the sort of the cycle my life is doomed to travel in?
In a Rut
I feel for you with your five planets in Libra. Libra readily sees both sides of a question, so no wonder you can’t decide shit! And I can’t decide for you, but I can give you my older woman’s perspective.
There is an obvious bond between you and this man, but so what? You’re way too young and life is way too long to sign up for this kind of misery. This is my OPINION. If it were me, I’d try for a “friend for life” but no lover – (Don’t hold your breath) And if he can’t hang with that, I would just go out in the world. Because bottom line – you’re not satisfied with him. You’re just not.
Now regarding the astrology, actually the two of you are very much alike. I suspect he wants the same things you do – To be a big deal to someone, which neither of you provide each other. But I imagine he’s comfortable for you, so once you’re out there, when it gets tough or you feel lonely, you run back and breathe life back into a thing that should really be mercy killed.
So to answer your question – No, you’re not doomed. You’re choosing this. And as soon as you stop, you’ll be free.
In the past two years I have gone thru SO many changes. From home life to renting, to buying my own home, to moving BACK to renting, etc.
Friends are changing too. I’m single, which is also new. I’ve changed. Big time. Not sure if it’s for better or worse, but I’m aware of it, and I’m more aware of me. If that makes any sense.
I’ve decided recently to go back to school. In a sense, to open more doors, make some new friends *because really, where do you find them?*, and to start a fresh. But it’s scary. Scary to give up a fulltime job for the unknown. And perhaps for something that isn’t guaranteed to be better. Than what is now, I mean.
So my question is, is this going to backfire?! Will this help me, or just prolong the inevitable of a crappy and unsatisfactory job?
Dear Double Aquarius,
Change is your middle name. It’s also your first name, and the several letters of your last. But you’ve got a itchy little bitchy aspect from Saturn in your chart and this is what it tripping you up when you do your normal thing out there in the world.
See, it’s Saturn that thinks the sky is going to fall. You know. Surely you’re fucking up. Surely, the karma ball is coming, and it’s aimed right for your head – ready to wipe you out. It’s fear, okay? FEAR and nothing more. And it’s fear, that you’ve got to face. So there. No backfire, okay? Just fear of backfire.
Last – check your language. This:
“Will this help me, or just prolong the inevitable of a crappy and unsatisfactory job?”
This does not help you. You’re defeating yourself, aren’t you? Try this instead:
“With this extra training, my success is inevitable.”
You’re co-creating your reality, you know, so be smart, eh? Imagine your ascent, instead of the ceiling you fear is there.
photo credit – O Caritas
I’ve been having weird and vivid dreams lately, some of them disturbing. I’ve noticed several of my friends having similar experiences. Is there some cosmic reason for this, or am I just eating too many pickles before bed?
That pickle thing made me laugh, so thank you. Actually, you made me laugh twice, because I pulled up your chart and when I saw the FIVE planets in Taurus…well I had to snicker. Why? Because that’s way too much Taurus for one human being, yet here you are!
Now about this question, and your dream life – get used to it, babe. That’s all I can say. See, Neptune in the sky is in Aquarius…in aspect (affecting) Taurus. All Taurus, in one way or the other, and what are you? Well you’re Taurus squared, then squared again, then squared again. Like this:
Once I was married to a guy who told me he was going to get me a bumper sticker – “Men Are Assholes and I Married Their King”. Well, I divorced that guy immediately, but my point is that there is Taurus, but you are their King! So anything that happens to Taurus is going to happen to you, in spades.
Here’s the bottom line. Dreams are tricky. Expect more nebulous information and weird communication. Lot’s more. More than you can possibly imagine, via dreams and otherwise. You wake up *knowing… But is it real, or not? Like that. Or someone tells you something, but they’re a known liar, so is what they told you real, or not?
You aren’t going to know. When you do know, a day later, what you knew is going to dissolve and you’re just going to have to ride these waves. Because believe me, this is a big one. And long! It’s a long transit.
Matter of fact, next five years this is going to be a major gig for you. Trying to sort what is real, and what is dreamed, I mean. See, you’re thinking it’s a pickle craving and I’m saying, no. More like you’re pregnant. Get it? This is that LARGE.
Heads Up from Elsa P!
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