“P, I am tired of going to the store to get a belt and having them say, what size,” the soldier said, pausing for dramatic effect. “Equator,” he said.

I roared.

“Yeah, me and you can’t go to some tropical island on vacation - They won’t let us in.”

“No?”

“No, you can’t come. Your belly is too big, it will shift the tides. You stay home, we don’t want a tsunami.”

Do you appreciate self-deprecating humor?

The soldier has his south node (past lives) in Aries (war) and claims he has had many lives as a soldier. Stories like this one make you a believer…

“Yeah the teacher, Mrs WEIN-STEIN told my mother I danced to the beat of a different drummer and I got in a lot of trouble for that. I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me, I couldn’t figure out what was going on. For example, when I was in second grade I was in a play. The play was Little Red Riding Hood,” he said in Spanish. “And I played the hunter that was supposed to run around and hunt the wolf.”

I laughed at the casting.

Continue reading Voice Of South Node In Aries: Past Life Soldier - Little Red Riding Hood

Yesterday the weather was nice here today and the soldier and I were thinking about taking a break from room cleaning to run out and do some errands.

“If we leave now we can probably get everything done and get back before Vidroid gets home,” I said.

“Okay, then I guess I better put on my boots,” he said.

“Boots? It’s awfully warm outside for boots. Don’t you have some sandals?” I asked.

He just looked at me.

“You don’t have a pair of sandals?”

“No, I just wear my boots.”

“Well when is the last time you had a pair of sandals?” I asked.

“When I was a Roman soldier?” he asked as if he were trying to figure it out himself. “Yeah, when I was a Roman soldier I probably had a pair.”

No comment

“No, P. I would not pick this,” the soldier said.  “I don’t think I would. I mean if I were to see you out there somewhere I would be attracted but I’m not sure I’d do anything about it. We’re together because we knew each other as kids. I really would be attracted to you but damn. It’s just so hard to be with a woman, I’m just not sure.”

I stared.

“Yeah but none of that matters. It’s a mute point because as it is, I am in love with you. I am deeply in love with you and have been my whole life. It’s as if you’re in my DNA, that’s how deep it goes. We were just so young when we met and you really got inside me - Into my DNA, that’s what it feels like. I wasn’t even a full grown man when I met you,” he said. “You put a hex on me or something. You poisoned me. I got poisoned by you when we were kids.”

Continue reading Voice Of Mars: The Correlation Between Love And Crotch Rot Explained

I dressed in locker room after showering at the gym. The seasons are changing here so I put together what I thought was a summer-ish after workout uniform but as I picked up my gym bag I realized I looked stupid. Leaving the locker room, wet-haired which is usual, I glanced at myself in the mirror as I walked by and wondered just what the hell I was thinking.

My pants were red with dots on them… silk pajama pants from probably 10 years ago and I had a comfortable (soft) loose but feminine black t-shirt which would have been fine had I not spilled bleach down the back of it - Oh yeah.

Continue reading Voice Of Venus In Leo… Square Neptune: Run! Run For Cover, ‘Cause I Look Ugly And People Are Looking!!!

“A beautiful celery walked into a bar,” the soldier said. “She sat down at the bar and ordered a drink and the bartender said, say. You look like a nice girl. Why don’t you go over there and talk to that carrot over there. He’s a nice man.”

I opened my eyes wide.

“No, the beautiful celery said. I feel too sad for that. I just broke up and I’m just not ready for that.”

“Ah…” I said sympathetically.  “She’s got a broken heart.”

“Yeah but the bartender said, then how about that cauliflower over there, the one shooting pool. He is also a pretty good guy.”

“No, no, I just can’t do it, celery said.  I just broke up with mushroom and he’s the only fung guy around here.”

I roared.

“You like my joke, P.”

“I do.”

“Well I have to make these things up.  I have to work to do this for you, P. This is work.”

The soldier pulled out some unmarked tape from a pile of them - his archives… 

“This is a war tape, I think. I wonder what’s on it.”

“I don’t want to see some girlfriend of yours,” I said even though I know (as unbelievable as it may seem) that he did not cheat on his wife.

“I never had a girlfriend, P,” he said. “There is no girlfriend.”
“Okay then, let’s look at it.”

Continue reading Voice Of Mars: “I Am A Soldier”

It’s amazing how history repeats. The soldier found a local fight club and has contacted them to join. This is from their website:

“Talk sh*t to us and you better be able to back it up, because you know we’ll fight you.”

and

“You better be able to fight or we’re going to beat your ass.”

Reading aloud, the soldier looked to be in a state of nirvana.
Continue reading Voice Of Mars: History Repeats -The Soldier Joins A Fight Club

“Boy you two are good looking,” I said to Vidroid and the soldier sitting on the couch like the two Tauri they are.  “How did I get two men who look so good?” I asked.

They both stared at me as did the dog.

“Oh yeah, I know. I got good looking men because I’m so good looking myself.”

They both stared.

“Yeah, I look great so of you two look great.

They both stared so I started singing Mac Davis -  “Hard To Be Humble”…

Some moons ago the soldier was going regarding his perspective on our relationship. He stated if we did not manage to get together at this time, he was sure we’d just be thrown (by the universe) into the same old folks home where we would meet again.  And if we messed that up, the next life and so forth.

Last night:

“Well we got together so I guess you won’t see me in the old folks home and be able to say I told you so, P.”"Oh, I’ll see you in the old folks home,” he said. “We’ll be in there except they will probably kick you out.”

We both laughed.  ”Because I’m mean?”

“Yeah.  Because you’re mean.  And I’ll be saying, bring her back, bring her back!”

I snorted.

“Yeah, you get her back in here. She’s okay.  She’s a really nice person, she just gets a little fussy sometimes,” he said.

“Good thing you’re without a flaw.  Good, good thing.”

“Yes, my self esteem is so good even I can’t damage it.”